Post # 1
DH and I have been married about a year. We have plans to buy a house before we start TTC. I’m 23 and he’s 25 so we’ve got time…..the countdown hasn’t started quite yet……
So with that said, I really don’t understand why I am feeling so much jealousy/anger/resentment toward our friends/relatives who are expecting.
I’ve never been a very jealous person, I like to think that I mind my own business and focus on my own goals instead of worrying what Nancy Neighbor is doing over there…..but I can’t help but be jealous!
Maybe its because I wish DH and I were already in a place in our life where we could start to TTC. Maybe its because I feel like we’re some how less of a married couple because we’re not TTC….I don’t know….
Has anyone felt this way before?
Why do you think I feel like this?
Post # 3
@mrshoneybee: im engaged now, and my FH and I have also decided to buy a house and get some money into savings before we TTC. Though, I have alot of friends who have recently had children and the father is not in the picture. I also have friends who are expecting and are recently married or getting married. I feel so jealous that I am not the one having the baby. 🙁 I take a step back though and realize that we are taking the time to give the baby everything we can. We will not be stuggling when we decide to have the baby and we will be able to enjoy getting married, buying a house, traveling, and saving vs having the baby and trying to do all of those things right now. You shouldn’t be jealous, you are doing whats right for you two and the baby should be the reward later when you two had time to be married adults 🙂
Post # 4
@Girasole: thank you for the encouragement!
Post # 5
I don’t have any advice to offer but I can tell you that I get incredibly jealous these days when someone announces their pregnancy. Not only do I get jealous but I sometimes shut myself away and have a little cry! How sad is that?! In my case the reason is because one of my biggest fears is not having children and I worry that might happen to me. Sometimes I just get a little bit jealous but it’s particularly acute when the couple in question haven’t been together very long. Like you say, it somehow makes me feel like our relationship is less than theirs because we’re further behind. I don’t like to even admit this to people! Lol!
Edit: I also get jealous when people announce their engagement. Be thankful to have a husband and remember that you’re still very young. I’m still waiting on the engagement and the wait for me might last an eternity!
Post # 6
I sometimes feel the same way. I’ve always said I wanted to be married a few years before TTC but the wave of babies around me makes me feel like I need to get on that bandwaggon asap.
Then I realized, when we finally do TTC we will be in such a good place and so ready for it…..and everyone will still be so happy and excited for us. There really isn’t a rush.
Especially since you are younger you still have a lot of time to accomplish what you and your DH want before bringing a baby into the mix which I think you and DH will find more satisfying in the future
Post # 7
@Pink Asawa: You’re right. Just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean that our plans have to change. We made those plans for real, good, reasons that work for us. Thank you for reminding me of that, and for reminding me that when it is our turn we will be prepared.
Post # 8
Im sorry you are feeling like that. A lot of bees have felt like that before too. I started feeling like that when I was and am trying to actively conceive. I guess its normal you might want to be already in the same place as your friends and relatives, but always remember that there is nothing wrong with taking your time. You will get there and someone else may feel jelly of you lol…hope you feel better soon 😉
Post # 10
You are only 23 you have plenty of time. Just think of it as they are in a different place in their lives right now and your time will come. Enjoy your time because once a child comes you wont be able to do the things you do right now. Try to see that this is the time to really enjoy your husband develop a stronger bond because when a child comes there will less time to spend together more time will be given to the baby on both sides.
Post # 11
I literally could have written this post.
We are waiting to buy a house first, and DH has a family member who just announced they are expecting. I am SO excited for her, because I know they were trying, and I think she will be a really wonderful mom.
But there is definitely a green-eyed monster seething in me….I feel exactlly like you do: I know it’s not time for us yet, but I think I’m mostly jealous that it is for them, and not for us.
Honestly, the best way I’ve been getting over it is by focusing on all the things we are going to be able to do BEFORE we TTC: we have a few trips planned, some weekends at the cottage (with lots of drinking!) with friends, and last minute weekend or evening plans. Not to mention the fun of buying and setting up our first home.
Just try to focus on those things…we are still so blessed with what we DO have..and our time will come 🙂 And in the meantime we get to be the fun aunts who wind them up and send them home!
Post # 12
@mrshoneybee: I feel this way all the time. I’d like to get settled into our new home (in another country), find stable employment there, and save some money before TTC. I really want a child now, and wish I were at a place in my life where I felt 100% responsible and ready to have one. I’m 27, and sometimes I think that means in 2-3 years when I’m already, the pressure will be on.
I think we need to remind ourselves that as much as we want a child, we also want the best life possible for that child, which may mean waiting… though of course that doesn’t totally easy the pangs of jealousy.
Also- we can still enjoy holding/shopping for/gushing over other people’s babies… knowing full-well that we can give them back and have a margarita or four when they start to cry or smell. :o)