Why Am I Suddenly SO Suspicious of my Husband??

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Just because he COULD do something doesn’t mean he would!!! I think you are over-reacting. The whole thing sounds innocent. I think it was a little strange that he lied about the fiance being home but sometimes guys aren’t always the most logical. He could have been flustered by the conversation, like you said, and didn’t want to hurt you. I’m not saying it’s okay, just thinking aloud (through typing).

 

The part about the browser history is a little odd, though. I think that men don’t always talk about what they do. While you might explain to him if you were erasing the history, your husband, or another male, might not. I might be mistaken but can’t you just not save the passwords? Keeping the history visible shouldn’t save the passwords. Clearing the history every once in a while DOES keep your computer running faster as far as I know. I would tell him your concerns and on his own he should suggest to leave the history up if there is nothing for you to see.

 

This might sound really mean but is there anything going on in your life right now? Bad haircut? Gained a few lbs? Something negative? When I was with my ex I would feel insecure about things like that if something negative was going on with me… physically. I could be totally wrong so please don’t be offended if this is not the case!

 

Good luck! Let us know what happens. xo

Post # 4
Member
8449 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

EEK!  this is tough.  Honestly I’d be suspicious too.  Mostly about him lying, or feeling the need to lie or omit information.  You could always hire a private investigator to confirm or disprove your suspicions, but confronting your husband might not give you the closure you’re looking for.  He might not be hiding anything at all, but you need to think about what will make you feel more secure.  Otherwise, you will always have this nagging suspicion.

Post # 5
Member
4913 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Lying to you is a red flag (but he did come clean about it shortly after). I would definitely have a talk with him about that, because that would be totally unacceptable if I was in your shoes. 

Aside from that, I think you could just be freaking out a bit, for whatever reason. I agree that the change of browser history settings is a little odd, but you said that he’s always cleared it right away, so it’s not too strange. He may have just discovered or decided to test out this setting. That in itself doesn’t really mean anything. 

I don’t think he’s given any concrete reasons to lead you to believe he’s cheating. Hopefully you’re just overreacting and there’s nothing to be worried about. 

Post # 6
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think you’re inventing this. You’re under a lot of stress whether you realize it or not – moving away IS stressful. Having a different routine is stressful. Even if you’re a person who doesn’t rely on routines too much, any change is still a stressful thing to be dealing with.

I understand why the lying would bother you, and I understand why him going to this girl’s apartment would worry you, but I think the fact that you’ve talked to your husband about this is a good thing. I am 99% sure he isn’t leading a double life or whatever. I bet he won’t be going to her apartment again anytime soon. As you say, she isn’t even his type.

So try to relax a little. You don’t have to justify your feelings, but I think that you need to slow down on inventing the scenarios. I do the exact same thing and it really doesn’t help anything. It sounds to me like you need to find something you can do to help occupy your time a bit better. I know you went anon, but this sounds vaguely familiar to another post I read about moving to an unsafe new city and being stuck in the apartment all day. Even if that post isn’t you, I suggest finding a job/hobby/exercise routine/ANYTHING to occupy your time a bit more just so you have a bit of an outlet.

Post # 7
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

But he IS a liar… right?  I think that if your  gut is telling you something is up, it’s not horrible to do some checking.

Post # 9
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Honestly, I’m in a pretty similar situation. I moved eight hours away from my home with my Fiance for him to go to law school. I’m at home all day while he’s at school with people, and one of the girls in his class started texting him late night — like midnight, asking him study questions, and then one night asking him for guy advice. He kept telling me she had a boyfriend, so there was nothing to worry about, but it made me incredibly jealous (and I don’t think I’m usually a jealous person). In my situation though, she was clearly crossing the line, so I asked Fiance to spend less time with her and to not respond to her texts. They’re in the same group of friends at school, so I think they still end up having lunch technically “together” but with other people there sometimes, but he said she hasn’t talked to him since he ignored the late night guy advice text. 

Still, it made me feel like a crazy jealous person. I’ve never before felt an urge to go through his phone or computer but I wanted to — BADLY. I’ve resisted, but I understand what you’re going through! 

I would talk to him about what you’re feeling and WHY (that you’re home alone while he’s out and that makes it trickier for you, etc.). 

Post # 10
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Trust your gut.  You’re not a crazy person.  I have been in your shoes before and told myself I was crazy because I had NO reason to believe the gut feelings I had.  I made excuses for why I would feel that way because what I was suspecting couldn’t be possible.

I wasn’t crazy.  I was right.  There was something inappropriate going on.

 

Post # 11
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@aworriedbee:  

This is dangerous territory. I think you should reconsider how you approach this.

Having been in a previous relationship with a guy who was controlling, possessive and uber paranoid about every single thing I did and where I went (never did anything, btw) I can tell you that is a miserable life and you are poisoning any casual intimacy and friendship that you may have had this whole time with him by treating him this way. 

If he was out having dinner with her alone at night or you had some other solid evidence of inappropriate behavior then I’d say you were in the right but if this is just your own thoughts then maybe you should ask yourself why you distrust him so much and if you do, why are you getting married to him?

 

 

 

 

Post # 12
Member
901 posts
Busy bee

Hmm, I’d probably give him the benefit of the doubt but check up on him anyway. Generally, if I feel in my gut something like this, there’s something to it.

Also, call me crazy, but I’m not sure I’d be comfortable with a female study partner. And the going over to her apartment part wouldnt be okay.

Post # 13
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t think there’s anything to worry about based on a complete lack of other signs.  Get to know the girl and her fiance and you might feel better.  I can totally see me forgetting money and going home to a friend’s for lunch.  (And my best study partner in law school was a guy.  We absolutely spent lots of alone time together and it never crossed my mind it was anything more/I should be careful for my then-bf’s sake.)  He should have been honest, but once I’d believe him he was flustered and you were upset.

Post # 14
Member
5957 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

K…I totally would have lied about the Fiance being home to, it’s just like Monty Python said, “No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!”  So I think the angries about him lying are not valid, cause I bet he was way shocked that you even went to that place to begin with.  Our internet history deletes cause it slows down your browser after too long and the cookies and shit add up, so that’s not real shocking either….honestly, you’ve got to take a second and think this through…would it make any sense for him to cheat on you NOW???  After all this time, and every opportunity he’s had when you weren’t looking, this pharamacy student, who is engaged herself, is the straw that broke the fidelity camel’s back? 

I sincerely think that the TIME they spend together is what’s tripping off your alarm, not because there’s anything untoward going on, but because he’s got a connection with someone, that isn’t you.  This is a completely innocent friendship, and you’ve got to trust this man, and find something the two of you can do together to reconnect, not because there’s any danger, but because it is bothering you on a lot of levels.

Post # 15
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It sounds like the amount of time he’s spending with this woman is making you insecure. Which is understandable; he’s got this thing he shares with her that he doesn’t share with you, even if it’s just studying. I can understand him panicking and lying about the fiance when you got upset; it happens.

If you’ve talked to him about what you’re feeling, that’s a good start. I think it’s perfectly okay to ask him not to spend alone time with her at her apartment, even if it’s just studying. I also think that you should try and do some more “couple things” with his study partner and her FI; if they become couple friends, it might be easier for you to feel secure with their school relationship.

What is your life like? You’ve talked about what he’s doing… what do *you* do? Are you studying? Working? You’ve moved really far from your family and friends so he can pursue his career — are you making new friends too? NM. I see you answered this further down. Yes. Get out and do things; meet some people and start building your own social network. Do you work out? I know I personally am much less prone to make mountains out of molehills if I’m exercising and getting enough sleep.  

Post # 16
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Normally I’m a “trust your gut” person – but I honestly think nothing is going on. She’s got a fiance that she lives with, it’s not like she’s some single girl floozy. Also, I think that if more were going on, he wouldn’t have ever even told you he went over. You mentioned that you discussed your feelings with him – did he act freaked out at all? If not, then I definitely think you’re in the clear.

I think it’s stress (from the move) and lack of friends to hang out with.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors