(Closed) Why am I torturing myself!!!

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

You need to really tell him to sh*t or get off the pot. He can’t say “I want to marry you, it’ll happen” but then never do it. How long have you guys been together? Sorry, I”m a bit slow on the uptake with your situation…

Post # 5
648 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I was asked around our third year together, but not officially he said. So I waited another year before he officially decided to ask. And that was almost four years ago… still no wedding. I have everything planned, but the date keeps getting pushed around. People keep asking when and I get so frustrated because if I had my way it would’ve been years ago. I get depressed about it too sometimes.

Post # 6
1294 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@marietaylor: I am really sorry. I know exactly what you are going through. 

Post # 7
1844 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

  I can understand your pain! I would HATE checking Facebook on Sundays, because it seemed like everybody and their brother had gotten engaged, and I was just sitting around, waiting for my turn. I would cry a lot and be frustrated.

 The best idea I can give you is to tell your boyfriend that you would like to talk about your plans for the next year, two years, etc. The plans can cover anything, from career, school (if that is applicable for you two), and engagement/marriage. It’s not like you’re saying “You have to propose by this time, or I’m gone,” but rather, you guys are discussing where you’re at in your lives. I would hope that he would be able to answer you honestly. It sounds like you may have been given some lines before, which is incredibly frustrating.

  Also, just to let you know, my fiance and I went ring shopping 13 months before he proposed to me. Sometimes, it just takes guys a little longer than girls with these things!

Post # 8
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It kinda sounds to me like this might be the time to talk to him and make him give you a time frame.  I know most guys like to keep at least some secrecy around proposals and when they’re going to be ready, and I’ve accepted that the waiting game comes with a lot of anxiety because of that.  But I think when you’re on the couch at night crying because you don’t know what’s on his mind – that’s too much.  Especially if he’s sending you mixed signals about wanting to live with you.

I reached that point with mine in the spring.  He’d said he was saving up for a ring, that he wanted to marry me, that “it’s coming, be patient”, but I finally got so upset and uncertain that I caved in and asked for a specific time frame.  When he saw how upset I was, he was willing to tell me “summer”.  That at least gave me back a little of my peace of mind.

Good luck and keep venting – I know how hard this is!

Post # 9
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

You are a strong, talented wonderful woman. Your happiness is not solely dependent on this guy asking you to marry him. If you are willing to wait and are convinced this is the guy for you, it will happen. Stop torturing yourself and focus on being happy with the blessings you already have. I found when I anxiously waited for a proposal, I never got one (I was with my EX for TWENTY years waiting). After that relationship ended, I STOPPED thinking I HAD to get married to be happy and focused on improving my health, strengthening my social ties and enjoying TODAY. And guess what? I met a wonderful guy and now we are married. The point I am trying to make is time is precious, life is precious and try to be happy and enjoy life in the NOW. This is advice from someone who wasted far too much life WAITING for a propsal to happen!

Post # 10
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I know waiting is tough. But after 4 years together, he should do something. Talking to him about a timeframe would be a good idea.

Post # 11
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’ve been with my guy for 4 years and i’m quickly approaching 30. I feel your pain. It’s really easy to become depressed about it. Try talking to your guy about it. You got to take your emotional health into consideration. From my experience it’s like pulling teeth to get my Boyfriend or Best Friend to talk marriage. He didn’t want to have “the talk”. I told him I needed something because I was going crazy and I needed to know that there was an actual future, not just one that he “claims” would happend someday. After what I thought was going to be an unproductive talk, he told me it would happen by the end of the year. So now I’m trying to keep my mouth shut about anything wedding related and crossing my fingers that it comes true.

I hope you’re feeling better today. 😉

Post # 12
759 posts
Busy bee

@marietaylor: you’re not the only one!  Last night I was looking at some pics of a bride and groom’s first look on their wedding day, I was all good til I saw a pic of the groom with tears running down his face. And that commenced to me bawling into my pillow (so my daughter wouldn’t hear! lol!)  And I’m the same way with the wedding shows, instead of watching them for fun now they just make me sad….cause all I can think is when in the heck will it be MY turn to do this?!!! 

I’ve been trying really hard to stay away from the wedding shows, but dang it it’s soooo hard…I must enjoy torturing myself! LOL! 

Post # 14
935 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@marietaylor: @tomboypink: 

AAARGH!!! The wedding shows!  I feel your pain.  I stayed in last night (perhaps this was foolish) and caught up with a Girlfriend on the phone who is getting married. Spent an hour talking to her and then another hour on looking at dresses/colors. Then was watching “Say Yes to the Dress”.  Needless to say, I woke up feeling fairly disenchanted with my relationship.  Which makes sense, given the circumstances, LOL!

I do agere that a talk about what “soon” means wouldn’t be a bad idea.  You could be thinking it will happen in a matter of weeks/months, and he could be thinking YEARS. And then the resentment builds up, and that’s when it can get even more agonizing.

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