Post # 1
Here Friday night and its almost Midnight were I’m at. I’m up watching TLC they are showing some wedding shows. And I find myself crying. I cant seem to get my emotions in check. I used to watch them and it was fun, now its depressing. My last post I posted myself was a postive one I believe I was talking about how we went ring shopping well that was months ago. I have told myself to no longer bring up or mention weddings or rings or engagment with him anymore. And instead I feel all the emotions just building up. I do sucessfullly avoid all social networking accounts since every two seconds someone is engaged or having a baby. I’m turning 27 soon and I guess its that stage where you realize your almost 30 and start to really look at your life.
I also became frustrated b/c recently the boyfriend ( we dont live together) is totally remodling he put down hardwood floors, painted walls, all new furniture and because i helped pick out everything I think I kinda assumed he was doing this b/c he wanted to make the space nicer for me. (we have said I am going to move in with him once we are engaged) Yet I’ve been over at his place a lot and he has been saying in not so many words I should spend more time at my place?!?!? WTF I guess it frustrated me b/c he is saying all the “right” things. He has says I want to marry you blah blah, it will happen blah blah freakin blah
I guess I’m crying because I just dont believe I will ever get married anymore. Like I used to watch these shows adn envision going wedding dress shopping now it just seems like a fantasy rather than something that will happen. Just not doing to great tonight.This is really the saddest I’ve felt in the whole waiting process
Sorrry to ramble…my only point was why am i torturing myself watching bridal shows lol
Post # 3
You need to really tell him to sh*t or get off the pot. He can’t say “I want to marry you, it’ll happen” but then never do it. How long have you guys been together? Sorry, I”m a bit slow on the uptake with your situation…
Post # 4
Your not slow–there are tons of bees 🙂 we’ve been together a little over four years.
Post # 5
I was asked around our third year together, but not officially he said. So I waited another year before he officially decided to ask. And that was almost four years ago… still no wedding. I have everything planned, but the date keeps getting pushed around. People keep asking when and I get so frustrated because if I had my way it would’ve been years ago. I get depressed about it too sometimes.
Post # 6
@marietaylor: I am really sorry. I know exactly what you are going through.
Post # 7
I can understand your pain! I would HATE checking Facebook on Sundays, because it seemed like everybody and their brother had gotten engaged, and I was just sitting around, waiting for my turn. I would cry a lot and be frustrated.
The best idea I can give you is to tell your boyfriend that you would like to talk about your plans for the next year, two years, etc. The plans can cover anything, from career, school (if that is applicable for you two), and engagement/marriage. It’s not like you’re saying “You have to propose by this time, or I’m gone,” but rather, you guys are discussing where you’re at in your lives. I would hope that he would be able to answer you honestly. It sounds like you may have been given some lines before, which is incredibly frustrating.
Also, just to let you know, my fiance and I went ring shopping 13 months before he proposed to me. Sometimes, it just takes guys a little longer than girls with these things!
Post # 8
It kinda sounds to me like this might be the time to talk to him and make him give you a time frame. I know most guys like to keep at least some secrecy around proposals and when they’re going to be ready, and I’ve accepted that the waiting game comes with a lot of anxiety because of that. But I think when you’re on the couch at night crying because you don’t know what’s on his mind – that’s too much. Especially if he’s sending you mixed signals about wanting to live with you.
I reached that point with mine in the spring. He’d said he was saving up for a ring, that he wanted to marry me, that “it’s coming, be patient”, but I finally got so upset and uncertain that I caved in and asked for a specific time frame. When he saw how upset I was, he was willing to tell me “summer”. That at least gave me back a little of my peace of mind.
Good luck and keep venting – I know how hard this is!
Post # 9
You are a strong, talented wonderful woman. Your happiness is not solely dependent on this guy asking you to marry him. If you are willing to wait and are convinced this is the guy for you, it will happen. Stop torturing yourself and focus on being happy with the blessings you already have. I found when I anxiously waited for a proposal, I never got one (I was with my EX for TWENTY years waiting). After that relationship ended, I STOPPED thinking I HAD to get married to be happy and focused on improving my health, strengthening my social ties and enjoying TODAY. And guess what? I met a wonderful guy and now we are married. The point I am trying to make is time is precious, life is precious and try to be happy and enjoy life in the NOW. This is advice from someone who wasted far too much life WAITING for a propsal to happen!
Post # 10
I know waiting is tough. But after 4 years together, he should do something. Talking to him about a timeframe would be a good idea.
Post # 11
I’ve been with my guy for 4 years and i’m quickly approaching 30. I feel your pain. It’s really easy to become depressed about it. Try talking to your guy about it. You got to take your emotional health into consideration. From my experience it’s like pulling teeth to get my Boyfriend or Best Friend to talk marriage. He didn’t want to have “the talk”. I told him I needed something because I was going crazy and I needed to know that there was an actual future, not just one that he “claims” would happend someday. After what I thought was going to be an unproductive talk, he told me it would happen by the end of the year. So now I’m trying to keep my mouth shut about anything wedding related and crossing my fingers that it comes true.
I hope you’re feeling better today. 😉
Post # 12
@marietaylor: you’re not the only one! Last night I was looking at some pics of a bride and groom’s first look on their wedding day, I was all good til I saw a pic of the groom with tears running down his face. And that commenced to me bawling into my pillow (so my daughter wouldn’t hear! lol!) And I’m the same way with the wedding shows, instead of watching them for fun now they just make me sad….cause all I can think is when in the heck will it be MY turn to do this?!!!
I’ve been trying really hard to stay away from the wedding shows, but dang it it’s soooo hard…I must enjoy torturing myself! LOL!
Post # 13
Thanks so much ladies!! !!!!!!!!!! You have no idea how much your words really help me snap out of it. It’s like getting a cyber hug lol. I dont want to feel sad, and I do have control over how I feel! And I’m done feeling sad.
To those who mentioned another talk, I agree. “Soon” can mean a lot of things to different people.
@bluespurrs you are soo right!! I have bags under my eyes now and its soo silly to base happiness on what someone elese is doing or not doing.
So I’m going to have a productive day. I’m going to get off the net and study for the GRE b/c im applying to Grad school this year. Then movie night with some friends.
Post # 14
AAARGH!!! The wedding shows! I feel your pain. I stayed in last night (perhaps this was foolish) and caught up with a Girlfriend on the phone who is getting married. Spent an hour talking to her and then another hour on looking at dresses/colors. Then was watching “Say Yes to the Dress”. Needless to say, I woke up feeling fairly disenchanted with my relationship. Which makes sense, given the circumstances, LOL!
I do agere that a talk about what “soon” means wouldn’t be a bad idea. You could be thinking it will happen in a matter of weeks/months, and he could be thinking YEARS. And then the resentment builds up, and that’s when it can get even more agonizing.