Post # 1
I have this friend, she is one of my very best friends and we email everyday. She lives about 2 hrs away from me so we dont see each other a lot. She is a gorgeous, very sweet, will do anything for you, type of girl but yet she cant seem to get rid of her so called bf.
She lived where I do a few years ago and moved back to be with him after he told her he wouldnt make a commitment if she was that far away. so after about a year of them dating long distance, she moved back home. another year went by, he refused to make a commitment to her. she stuck around, did everything for him, pretty much made herself easily available and a convenience for him. after a huge fight and her crying, he finally made the commitment. a year later and 30 break ups, she still cant seem to figure it out. She is nothing but a convenience for him. He doesnt ever go out of his way for her, he never calls her, she calls him, he doesnt tell her where hes going or what hes doing, and she gets soooo upset but wont do anything about it. she gets to the point where she is so depressed and crying all the time at his lack of involvement but she refuses to do anything about it. She finally broke up with him last week after she found out he cheated. of course he denies it and now she is secodn guessing her decision. wtf?
why are we so nieve? I try not to get involved, but sometimes she asks me for my opinion and I try to convince her she is better then this but she never listens. I wont bad mouth him because its not my place, I just keep telling her that she deserves someone that will emotionally, and mentally give her what she needs.
She has not put herself in therapy, she is very negative because she feels its her fault he is treating her this way, she even started taking depresssion medication over it. I just dont know how to help her understand this is a toxic relationship.
Hive what would you do?
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant
It is soooo hard to convince a woman that she’s not being treated well. I think many of us try it at some point, and it’s so frustrating to see, but really, the only person who can convince her that she deserves more is herself.
Maybe the next time she comes to you with drama, you say you’ll be there for her, but you cannot encourage or give any more advice because you fundamentally do not agree with her decision to stay with him. Tell her you’ll always be her friend and you’ll be there for her, but you can’t spend any more time talking her through the same situation over and over again.
Maybe then she’ll realize that she needs to take action? I don’t know…it’s so hard!
Post # 4
Sometimes I feel like in cases where you can’t do anything, the person needs to hit rock bottom and learn it themselves, the hard way. you can’t force someone to “see the light”. All you can do is be a good friend and be there for her when she comes to the realization herself.
Post # 5
“… She feels it’s her fault he is treating her that way.”
Sadly, it is her fault… Not in the way she thinks it is; but by the fact that she lets him do that to her without reacting, it will never change.
The guy gets away with everything, and has a girl at his constant back and call, why would he even want to change anything? His life is GOOD!
Maybe it’s tough love, call it whatever you like, but whenever she brings this up, I would analyse the situation from the guy’s perspective… Nothing will change magically until she is ready to set some boundaries – we only get the respect we ask for; not necessarily the one we deserve…
Years of blindness speak here…
Post # 6
I am in a very very similar situation with a best friend of mine and the guy she is with. She is even one of my BM’s and she knows not to ask my opinion anymore on this guy because I cant stand him. Her whole family hates this guy and her mom even went as far as to hire a private eye to investigate him with hopes my friend would see the light. He told her that he wanted to marry her but if she were committed to him that she needed to buy the ring = he didnt ask her he simply said “i think i wanna marry you but…” This has been going on for about 3 yrs and he refuses to meet any of her friends and family…we have all only seen pictures and she is the same as your friend. Smart, beautiful, genuinely a great person, but just wont open her eyes.
I sincerely hope your friend sees the light soon because this has ruined friendship and family relationships with this girl and its hard on everyone around her. =(
Post # 7
I have a friend like that. she devotes her time, life, and whole schedule around him. All she wants to talk about his him. personally i am getting tired of hearing it and when she emails me about i dont even reply to that subject. i alraedy told her that i will be here for her when he breaks her heart (he does about 3x a month) but i am not going to hear about “their” problems anymore. which really arent problems they are her saying how he makes no efforts to commit to her. he is about 8 years older than her. he is stable and has a child and doesnt want her for anything but one thing. he comes in town about once every 3 months and there she is doing his cleaning, picking him up running her errands. he does NOTHING For her but she cant let go. she gets me so upset because she is beautiful and successful and i want nothing but the best for her. In the end you have to let your friends make their own choices the only choice you have to make is if you are going to be there for them when they get their heart broken.