- Miss SoonToBee
- 9 years ago
- Wedding: July 2011
Already before posting this I feel like a jerk.
I’m sorry if this runs on a bit but I don’t really know how to shorten it without losing some of the meaning.
My best friend (also my cousin, 3 years older than me) and I have a strained relationship.
Before she got married four years ago, we were inseparable. Once she got married a bit of distance grew between us because she had this new person in her life and she got very busy. She couldn’t do the single going out thing with me anymore and we grew apart.
It was hard, I missed her but I understood. I branched out and found some great new friends and it really bothered her. I think she was coping with “growing up” and even though she had made the decision to marry a guy she didn’t really love she was resentful at me for not resisting the change (we have a really odd relationship…) and being okay with it.
I was her Maid/Matron of Honor. I went to every fitting, planned an engagement party, spent over $2K on a bach and bridal showers and gifts. I waited on her hand and foot and was as close to being the perfect attendant that I could’ve possibly been.
Since then I too have headed down the path toward marriage. On 11-07 I’m marrying my best friend. I am SO happy.
When I met my fiance, a year after my cousin/friend had already married, my friend was super angry at me for having other friends and then finding someone. She thought she’d been replaced and treated both me and my future-fiance like crap. She embarrassed us in large groups of people, spread unforgivable rumors about us having sex in front of her (would never happen, I’m the most modest person you’ll EVER meet and that is so disrespectful) and became this monster I didn’t even recognize.
Our arguing escalated to a point where we stopped talking for a year. When I tried to patch things up with her at the beginning of last summer I thought things were going well only to find out that she had accepted my apology (I apologized to be done with the feud, not because I thought that I was to blame) and then continued on with the nasty rumors and sneers at my expense.
We stopped talking again. A couple of weeks later I got engaged and my heart was absolutely broken that my lifelong friend wasn’t around to partake in the happiness.
Anyways…I know how back and forth this is…
When she found out she was pregnant 10 months ago she called me, poured her heart out and begged me to be a part of her life again. Not one to hold grudges (being mad is SO much work) I quickly accepted, attended her baby shower and went to the hospital the day Noah was born.
For the week following his birth (recent) I spent every day at my cousin’s house helping her. Her husband hates me because “I caused his wife so much pain” but I ignored it because she and I are trying to repair our relationship and I didn’t want to cause any more rifts. When my own fiance got mad at how he was treating me, she decided to give my cousin the same treatment but I absolutely refused that. We are NOT that kind of people. My fiance is not a mean person and I know that it was to protect me but it felt terrible.
Anyway, cut to today, 2.5 months from the wedding. My friend and I have been talking for several months and even though the thing with her hubby is obviously a huge discomfort we’ve managed to communicate (it’s strained, awkward and nothing like we used to be). I get the feeling that she’s enjoying seeing me a little bit uncomfortable, like it’s my punishment for ever pissing her off.
I’m so hurt. I don’t have many friends (we’re not having attendants) and haven’t had showers/engagement party/bachelorette stuff. All of that’s fine. I’m shocked she hasn’t done anything for me but I know that it’s a gift, not an obligation.
I found out yesterday (family rumors) that she won’t be attending our wedding in Cali. (we’re in Arkansas). I know that asking people to attend a destination wedding is a lot to ask but considering everything that I did for her on $9.50 an hour I just can’t believe that she won’t even make a freaking appearance.
Her baby will be five months old, she’s not breast-feeding and they’ve already spent weekends away so that’s not the issue.
What do I do with this? I feel terrible about it all the time, she’s not reasonable enough to talk to and it’s making me nuts.
Any advice would be appreciated.