Why are grandparents so involved with their grandkids now?

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 61
Member
6171 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think there are a lot of families and cultures where grandparents have always been very involved in (connected to, supportive of) their grandchildren. This is very common in my family/culture and my mother grew up very connected to her relatives (her close as well as more distant cousins). As did my father, who grew up in a completely different part of the country and my step-mother who grew up in yet another part of the country.

The first time I ever met a girl who told me she had never met her cousins and didn’t know her grandparents (when I was in college), I was shocked. I’ve got friends who have had to cut off relationshps with their families due to toxicity and and abuse and I totally get that, but, barring those types of situations, it’s still very shocking to me that so many people are so disconnected from their relatives.

Post # 62
Member
467 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

whnlz :  that’s great!  And I agree that that’s important as well although we feel that it’s more important past baby/toddlerhood.  But again we practice attachment parenting and believe our child should pretty much always be with a parent until after age 2-3.  Just what we believe and it’s frustrating when family knows this but nags us.  But again we just set boundaries and let them know we will certainly take them up on more things when we are ready.  We just will be the ones to decide when that is.  

Post # 63
Member
3114 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

Everything I’ve read suggests the opposite, that families are less involved these days. My Grandparents practically raised me and it was wonderful, I wish we had such involved Grandparents for our daughter. 

Post # 64
Member
275 posts
Helper bee

My paternal grandparents were very involved because my mom ran out on my dad, and he was still in college and working 2 jobs to take care of me. My grandma is more like a mom to me, and I am very very lucky to have both her and my grandpa. 

 

I have noticed however that my Mother-In-Law is really demanding on my SIL and can’t seem to back down from being a ‘mom’, and just enjoy being a ‘grandma’. She’s pushy, intrusive, and ignores all requests & directions. She has no sense of time or schedule, so the baby was staying up until 11pm or later and eating at odd times. Sometimes boundaries just aren’t as obvious as they should be, and they need to be made very, very clear. It’s not a “things have changed over time” issue as much as a personal issue – this is going to depend on the grandparents themselves and how the parents react. I’ve already told my husband that I won’t be as nice as his sister is. I will flat out tell Mother-In-Law No. I’m the mom. This is what we want to do, and want you to respect. Please enjoy just being a grandma. 

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