(Closed) Why are LDRs so Hard?! (Let's Vent Together!)

posted 6 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
  • poll: Long Distance Relationships...
    Suck : (7 votes)
    14 %
    Really Suck : (43 votes)
    86 %
  • Post # 3
    158 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    My husband and I are LDR (3,000 miles) until early 2014.  After that we will be sorta long distance for a year or so. 

    IT SUCKS.  But, I have an amazing husband, and it’s just the way it needs to be.  I tell myselfi “its the foundation for building a great life together, blah blah blah”  But sometimes, I just want to scream.


    Happy note, I leave in 3 weeks to spend the weeks with my wonderful husband 🙂

    Post # 5
    548 posts
    Busy bee

    We are in an LDR for the time being and it has been a month so far. I’m applying to grad schools for Fall 2013 and we might be in an even longer LDR after that (4 year program and depending on where I get in it’ll be same distance which is 1,500 miles, longer distance if I end up across the country, short distance if I’m relatively nearby, or no distance if I end up in his city). It really, really, really sucks, but it’s worth it to be with him over anyone else I could be with who is nearby.

    We don’t really argue too much (though we still argue sometimes), but I cry a lot. My primary love languages are physical touch and quality time, so not being able to have a physical component to our relationship for a prolonged period of time is hard for me. It’s especially hard when it rushes over me that I can remember exactly how it feels to hold him and to be held by him or have his arm around me (muscle memory and some wishful thinking, I guess?), but he is nowhere nearby and is instead on the other side of the screen or on the other side of the phone. Well, at least he thinks I’m cute when I cry.

    I’m lucky because we talk/watch movies/play games every night for hours, though. I know some couples don’t even get that. When he starts grad school in September, we’ll have to work it all out again and I hope we have time to talk adequately.

    Post # 6
    2777 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Fiance and I were in an LDR while it did suck I think it was also a good thing.  It was early on in the relationship and we really got to know each other better than we would have if we had been closer.

    I was so used to being far from him I was worried about what our relationship would be like if we lived together, lol.

    Post # 7
    3173 posts
    Sugar bee

    Fiance and I are in an LDR and it really really sucks.  He lives in San Diego and I live near San Francisco.   We only get to see each other maybe every 2-3 months because of school and work.  I can’t wait until I’m done with school so I can move down there. 

    Post # 8
    958 posts
    Busy bee

    We’re in a 7 month LDR while he works at an aerospace company 10 hours away! We’re meeting every 4-5 weeks though, so that makes it better. We met half way this month, and we’re doing it again next month (difference fun city though!) and I’ll visit him for a week in August, he’s coming down in September for a wedding with me, October for a football game at our alum school, November for Turkey Day, AND HE’S DONE DEC 20TH! .. Oh and proposing “around christmas” he says. I think it’s really important (if you can) to have some kind of game plan throughout. At least for us. SO has pretty high anxiety and gets homesick and misses me (awwwww) pretty badly, and so knowing 3 weeks or 4 weeks till we see each other again helps it not seem SOOOO long.

    Post # 9
    4363 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    Yup they suck! We’ve been LDR for 5 months. It’s a 7 hour time difference so we barely speak either.  And we’re nearly 7000 miles apart 🙁 Like you, we argued constantly at first. We’re not LDR for much longer now though, yay!

    Post # 10
    1373 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    CholeLeAnn LDR with your husband? That really does suck and it puts my situation in perspective.

    adyartichoke We’re about 7000 miles apart too. He’s coming to visit in November for a month and hopefully I can move across the pond sometime in 2013. Do you have any recommendations for cheap transatlantic flights? I check kayak but all the flights seem to run at least $800…

    The LDR sucks because the world economy is so bad and neither of our home countries or any third country is real eager to hire someone from overseas right now. I’m worried that we’ll never find jobs in the same country, let alone the same city and we’ll be forced to break up.

    Post # 11
    154 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012 - Schloss Heiligenberg/ Spearfish Canyon Lodge

    LDRs are tough, but I think they’re also a way to grow personally and to deepen your relationship. It’s a time when you have to rely solely on communcation and can’t take cuddly shortcuts. 

    Mr. Bracelet and I have been LDR for most of our relationship. We always made sure to have the next visit planned so that we had something to look forward to – we managed to see each other every 3-4 months, flying across big oceans. Our LDR will finally come to a close this September with our wedding. I’m moving to be with him.

    It sounds like you are hurting a lot from the distance right now, but rest assured that love continues despite distance. Maybe you can try to organize more things to do with your friends, go watch a movie, or take up a new hobbie. Doing my own thing helps me stay balanced.

    Post # 12
    3885 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    When my Mr and I were LDR, we had it easier than most. Just a 2-hour flight between cities, usually a $160 fare or less. I telecommute so I could go visit frequently. Between hist trips to visit ne and my trips to him, we managed to see each other for about 2 weeks out of a month. We did that for 10 months, till he had a job offer for his own telecommuting position.

    I think our time apart, all our efforts and expenses to be together, gave us a much deeper appreciation of one another. We don’t let the small stuff irritate us, and we value every moment together now. We did miss one another deeply when separated but I actually don’t think it sucked to be in that LDR phase.

    Post # 13
    246 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    With me leaving to go to school four hours away Fiance and I will begin having a LDR.  I’m so freaked out about it!  Hearing you guys talk about it makes me feel a little bit better.  Even though the general consensus seems to be that they really suck.

    Post # 14
    1373 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    bracelet That’s a very good point. I have two friends who were LD across the ocean for awhile and one has been happily married for four years and they have a little one and one probably will marry her guy. They both said being LD really improved their communication and they got to know each other better as people since the physical aspect wasn’t available to them. 

    And the other thing I can’t help but think is that LDRs are a lot easier in this day and age with skype, email and cheap phone plans then they were years ago. My parents were LD in the 1970s and they were only a few states away, but their relationship was probably tougher than mine with an ocean between us because they only had letters and the occassional (expensive!) long-distance phone call. And I also think of my grandparents during the war, my grandfather over in Europe not knowing if he would be called to the front lines and my grandmother at home not knowing where he was and if he was alive. It puts things into perspective.

    Although it is a little sad that love letters are the product of a bygone era. It must be fun to have stacks of those to look back on. A little more romantic than looking back on FB chats!

    Post # 15
    1266 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2019

    LDRs are so hard. It’s not just the physically being with my SO it’s the fact that we were supposed to be living together but he got offered a wonderful internship. We’ve been together a little more than 3 1/2 years (45 months and 16 days exactly, he told me–that calculating mind -swoon-) and we’ve been LDR for about two of them, not counting university breaks. He’s gone from an hour away to 2 1/2. I know it’s not that bad to other people in comparison, but it feels like he’s millions of miles away. 

    I’m just most upset about the timing. All of the big achievements of my undergraduate career are next semester, and he’ll be that far awar until December. I have a thesis presentation and a senior art show and he might not be able to come to either of them. It’s really going to test my ability to deal with stress without him. 

    Post # 16
    100 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I agree long distance relationships do suck, but after awhile you just kind of get used to it and it really does make communication better and makes our relationship stronger.  We’re not long distance anymore, but will be again in the future.  Hubby’s in the Army so we have plenty of long distance times ahead and even though I’m not looking forward to it, I know we’ll make it through it as we have in the past with his many months of trainings.  Good luck to all you ladies for staying strong while your SO’s are away! 

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