(Closed) Why are Mother’s In Law so Difficult?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
369 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I dunno, mine’s sweet as pie. Sorry you aren’t getting along!

Post # 4
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I have no idea but mine can be really annoying too 🙁 

Post # 5
Member
1315 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

It’s def a mother/son thing. My fella is v close to his mam, and his sisters always say he used to get away with murder when they were growing up – as in, not tidying his room, etc, stuff the girls would’ve been told off for.

That said, I get on brilliant with Future Mother-In-Law, thank God, she’s great. The bad ones are a cautionary tale to those of us hoping to have sons one day 😉

(Of course I’m just talking about pain-in-bum MILs, not the crazy ones.)

Are you just curious about everyone’s experiences, or has a specific event triggered the post?!

Post # 6
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Mine goes back and forth! I think its due to my not being “used” to her or her way of life/doing things and sometimes everything seems to be annoying!

Post # 7
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

If it makes you feel any better I’m quickly becoming a mother figure to HER.

Post # 8
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

“Hormones at their age”… HAHA!

I’ll tell you what my future mother-in-law shared with me (fortunately, I’m marrying her third son, so she’s been through this several times).

She said that the reason women get so odd about their sons getting married – especially the first one to get married, the baby of the family, or an only child – is because a mother is always the main woman in a man’s life up until he gets married. Some mother-in-laws become bitter towards the woman who is, in their mind, taking over their position in their son’s life.

Put yourself in your future mother-in-law’s position. She raised your fiance from birth, and since then, she has been the most important woman in his life. Now you are becoming the most important woman in his life – his wife. It’s a difficult thing for a woman to accept.

Try to be understanding. I know it’s hard when mother-in-law is acting more like monster-in-law, but she’ll get accustomed to the idea with time. 🙂

Best of luck to you!

Post # 10
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Oh man, I am so lucky when it comes to that stuff sincemy Future Mother-In-Law really likes me.  Of course I hope I never piss her off because she’s very blunt and can be extremely rude and I don’t ever want to deal with that.

I’ve heard some pretty crazy stories about other peoples in laws – like when my parents started dating, my paternal Grandma called my maternal Grandparents and basically told them that my Mom was a prostitute hell bent on runing my Dad’s life.  I’m so glad I don’t have any of that craziness to deal with in my own relationship!

 

Post # 11
Member
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I love my Mother-In-Law and have never had any issues with her.  It’s been over 10 years and she’s been nothing but wonderful to me/us/our kids.  She has been a godsend ever since day 1.  She was amazingly accepting and non-judgemental when we had to tell her and my Father-In-Law that I was knocked up with her son’s baby at age almost 19.  I was so humiliated that I wound up in that predicament and she never said one bad word about me, about Darling Husband, or our situation.  She gave Darling Husband the family stone to propose to his knocked up girlfriend with.  She never put us down for having 3 kids before getting married.  She has been there through everything, has been a wonderful support to us and our kids.  The same rings true for my Father-In-Law.  I am extremely fortunate to have her (and my FIL)! 

It always makes me sad to see that so many women won’t have the same great relationship I have with my IL’s. 

Post # 12
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Mine is an amazing fun caring woman that I love very much!  I consider myself extremely fortunate.  I have no idea what to tell you other then I’m sorry you are having issues…

Post # 13
Member
1749 posts
Bumble bee

@ToasterCat:Everyone seems so mean and snappy recently. I like my Future Mother-In-Law too. She is a very sweet, kind, loving, accepting woman.

Post # 14
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have no issues with my parents in law, then again I don’t expect much from them.

We don’t have money issues regarding the wedding. We’re paying for the wedding ourselves, whatever they want to give, is fine by us.They are not the wedding type of people, therefore they did not make a fuss about our wedding. Future Mother-In-Law once a while would ask how’s the wedding planning going, and I would give her the generic answer such as “we booked this and this. We’re working on that and that”.

The way I see it, just because they’re not the wedding type, doesn’t mean they don’t like me. They’ve shown they liked me in different ways and I’m fine by that. For example, like my parents, when we go out with them or they invite us to join them for vacation or mini vacation, they often pay for room and board and food.  Both Fiance and I are adults with jobs, we don’t expect our parents to pay for us when we go out, but if they offer, we are not turning it down. We do appreciate their generousity. Another time, Fiance told me his mom felt bad that she missed my BD and blamed him for not telling her.

Post # 15
Member
1126 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My Future Mother-In-Law is awesome and everything I could’ve hoped for.  That said, sometimes it’s weird.  I’m becoming this main role in her son’s life, making all the decisions about a major life event for HER family, and she just has to deal with it.  And I can cry to MY mom or exchange harsh words with my sister or best friend when I think they’re being unreasonable or unsupportive, but I can’t do that with my Future Mother-In-Law.  I just don’t feel comfortable.  So things that shouldn’t be awkward become awkward, and rather than say anything, I bottle it up and then complain letter.  (Like some people do on message boards.)

I think it’s just a weird dynamic.  Some MILs are really difficult and possessive, but even the most laid-back ones can still cause issues.  Lucky we all have this supportive and anonymous place to vent, huh?

Post # 16
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

mothers and sons have some sort of weird connection I have decided, doesn’t matter the boy or the mama- I will never get it!!!!

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