Post # 16
I think it’s because moms are so instinctually protective of kids in general and because they are competative when it comes to their own kids. Everyone is raised with their own ideas on how to be a mom “correctly”. When they see another mom doing something “wrong”, they get mad because they think they can do it better, or think they are doing it better, but I think at the same time they are protective over the other kid in a way. I think it’s 2 instincts coming into play…. if that makes sense.
Post # 17
MrsEME: As far as crying children in the store go, I think that children need to learn how to behave in stores. If they start having a tantrum and you immediately respond by leaving (aka, doing what they wanted you to do), your kids are never going to learn to correct their behavior. After 2-3 times of fruitless tantrums eventually many children will get sick of trying that tactic.
And realistically, for many parents they may have no other option than to get their groceries then and there. It is not always the case that someone can go back later without thei child.
There are obviously many different but valid ways to deal with challenging children in public, and I think it is important to recognize that. Part of going to a public place like a grocery store is being around many different people in different situations. Soothing works for some children, others it does nothing. The cry it out method is effective on some children. For others it is not.
Post # 18
freshflowers: I actually find many more kids having tantrums in stores because they want something- which is what I was referring to. In that case, they don’t want to leave. as long as a parent in addressing the child- sometimes you have to teach a lesson. I think the cry it out method is not healthy for babies or children- but a parent chooses that “technique”….well that’s their choice. I do not- however- think it’s a reasonable choice to carry out whenever they want in public.
I underatand that that some people can’t just leave and come back without kids later- it’s the moms I see that leisurely shop for accessories, or browse with no direction while letting their cnd scream thier head off- that I find annoying. If they’re getting their groceries with direction and their kid or baby happens to be having a moment, so be it. I don’t think that having a kid means you get to disregard others in the store. That said- I understand what parents have to go through and csn sympathize when I see they are truly doing their best.
Post # 20
Super sorry for the duplicate and typos- I’m on my phone and it’s acting goofy!!
Post # 21
The oppressed, oppress. The judged, judge.
Post # 22
freshflowers: I have a wild child. Running around the restaurant, screaming at the grocery store, throwing rocks at the beach…he’s almost 3, and he’s been like this since the day he was born. Now, that doesn’t mean he’s always like this. In fact, I’d say 75% of the time, he’s a good boy, wild, but good.
I have an absolute routine at the grocery store if he’s with me. He gives me a limited amount of time before he’s over it-and let’s me know.
Out to eat? Only if he’s had a good nap and I know he’s hungry. And toys and books are a must. If he needs it, we take a break by walking a few minutes outside.
We also make sure we do activities in the morning before afternoon nap. This way we avoid (for the most part) the sand throwing beach tantrum.
For us, this works. He’s not even 3 yet. He has meltdowns and gets frustrated. He’s at the point in his little life where communication is getting easier for him, but being tired or hungry or overstimulated, makes telling mommy what he needs very hard.
As he gets older, I know he’ll calm down. For now, removing him from the situation and preventing the tantrums makes all of us a much happier family.
And of course, if anyone wants to judge my parenting, I’m fine with that. Because I really don’t care what anyone thinks. My boys a cancer survivor, a strangers judgment does not even show up on my radar. I’ve dealt with worse and won. 🙂
Post # 23
Post # 24
applecat: Thanks for posting this article! I actually read it myself a week or so ago and it was one that stuck with me.
Post # 25
freshflowers: Likewise! It really resonated with me.
Post # 26
freshflowers: I think those mothers were reacting more to the child than to you. Our children are a perfect reflection of our parenting skills. If your child is having a mental breakdown screaming and yelling “noooo” that looks like you don’t discipline her. I’m not saying that’s the case, but to an outsider that’s what it looks like. the other day I was in thrift store wtih my mom and my 9 month old daughter. A woman was rightly taking out her 5-7 year old son (not sure of the age) out of the store because he was screaming and throwing a tantrum, he kept saying “I hate you!” to his mother. However, I didn’t fault her for her parenting, if anything I commended it. She immediately took her son out the moment he started throwing a tantrum and everyone looked because he was so loud, but I didn’t hear anyone judge the mother, more the child on his behavior.
My daugher is only 9 months old and so far I’ve never noticed any looks from people about her. We (my husband and I) get looks because I look so young and they think that I’m a teenage mother, that’s where I get the most whispers and looks from. I hate being out with her alone because than people assume (VERY WRONGLY) that I must be a teenage mom with no baby daddy in the picture. It’s really rude honestly, but we live in a world where judgment is easy, and understanding is not.
Post # 27
It doesn’t happen often. I watched a woman slap the shit out of her son and scream he was worthless and stupid in Spanish at him today. Because he was in a parking lot not holding hands. I would never do that to my son and I do spank him. The only other time I do pretty much everytime is when I see parents with brand new nice clothes and shoes and a new iPhone and their child is dirty, clothes are too small, rocking some spiderMan shoes. That combo makes me mad because it shows you aren’t taking care of your child like you are yourself. Boyfriend or Best Friend and I wear expensive outerwear and shoes. You won’t see my son in Walmart coats and shoes. He’s got the same type and quality that we have.
Post # 28
MrsBagel: I’m in the same position as you. My son will be 3 this December and I know what you are talking about.
Post # 29
Keke84: for me, its the older generation that has given me the side eye. Its like they forget what toddlers are like.
My favorite though, is women that don’t even have kids. Oh, please! Please, tell me how perfect your kids will be when you have them! I’m DYING to know! Tell me what I should do better! Are you fucking serious!? Get the fuck out of my face. 🙂
Post # 30
I think sometimes we misinterpret someones comments as judgments when in reality, we’re feeling our own insecurities as a parent and that puts us on the defensive. Does that mean that parents arent judged or we judge as parents? No absolutely not but I do think sometimes benign comments can be taken out of context which can be the catalyst in the “mommy wars.”
And then there are people out there that make everything a competition. If I’ve learned nothing in my 3 months into new mommyhood its “roll with it, say a prayer, and hope for the best.” I’m sure there are women who will judge me for my parenting decisions, proclaim I didn’t try hard enough to do best by my child etc. but at the end of the day, I’m doing the best I can. And the women at the grocery store with the screaming 2-year-old is doing the best she can. Its all you can do sometimes