(Closed) Why are mothers so judgemental of other mothers?

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Have you ever knowingly experienced parent-to-parent judgement? Try to be as honest as you can.
    Yes, and I judge other parents at times : (30 votes)
    70 %
    No, but I have judged other parents before : (6 votes)
    14 %
    Yes, but I never judge other parents : (6 votes)
    14 %
    No, but I have judged other parents before : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    12302 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper

    I realize that not every screaming or misbehaved child is a result of poor parenting and will never, ever judge in a situation where a child is acting out in public.  Or at least not without a whole lot more information. There are children with developmental or emotional problems that are nobody’s fault. Sometimes a child is just tired and having a bad moment. 

    I do judge when I see obviously unacceptable parenting choices or poor supervision.  Who wouldn’t? 

    Post # 32
    Member
    2692 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    Oh man have I ever seen and heard some judgy comments (I have judges too… but now I always look at my parenting and wonder what people would judge me for so…)

    I once lived in a suburd where it was like mommy mafia.  They were so exlcusive of new comers and very cold shouldered to people who tried to join their mommy circle.  I was too intimiated then to try and join.  They just seemed so entitled and above it all. 

    Right now where I live, there are some moms who seem to still look down on other moms for doing things different so it’s just life I guess.  I am far from perfect and yes I have fallen into the trap of making judgements usually when I think a mom is doing something I would never do, like let their 7 year old watch Final Destination for instance.  But I am sure things I do could raise eyebrows too so I like to keep my mouth shut.

    Post # 33
    Member
    1782 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I sometimes wonder if some mom’s think shopping is more important than their child’s nap time. Children have a routine and parents need to except that or pay the price of a crabby baby and yhe strange glances. I do understand parents need to get out and buy things but leave baby at home if baby is really tired and fussy. I don’t mind the moms who leave with a crying child it’s the ones who just keep shopping like nothing is going on.

    Post # 34
    Member
    1534 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    freshflowers:  I’m not going to lie… I’m totally a mom-judger! Not all moms… I think so many moms do such a great job. And I’m not judging the kid.

    I’m judging the moms who completely over-baby their kid, thus creating wimps and/or snobby children who cant do a thing for themselves. I’m judging the moms who completely over-react to their childs temper tantrum (I don’t care how stressful your day has been, don’t lash out on your child… especially in public. And I’m judging the moms who don’t do whats best for their children; this could mean mulmultiple things: giving the screaming child the toy even though you told him he wouldn’t get it if he acted out, obviously neglect, and another example is my SIL.

    She won’t do whats best for her child if it makes her feel bad. Her son has extreme allergies, constantly having asthma attacks, always has a dripping nose and I’ve never heard him speak without the stuffy voice. She took him for allergy testing but once he said it itched she made them stop and took him away and refuses to ever do it again. If you want whats best for your kid, you comfort and distract your kid for those 20 itchy minutes and let them find the source of the allergies so they can treat him and he can feel better and breathe! Ugh.

    I try my best to keep my comments and looks to myself… but I tell ya, some moms really erk me.

    Post # 35
    Member
    242 posts
    Helper bee

    I worked in a restaurant for 6 years and unfortunately have judged parents. It was a vacation destination so I saw parents takinig a vacation from being parents. I have neices and nephews and look forward to having kids. I know its not easy to be a parent all the time, but if you want a vacation with out your kids, do that. Don’t go on vacation and let you kids do literally whatever they want. Play in a parking lot, run around a busy crowded restaurant almost tripping servers carrying trays with hot food on them potentially hurting themselves or the servers or someone else, let them run around a bar where other adults are drinking alcohol and dancing. It was crazy some of the things I’ve seen. I’ve had to ask parents to watch their kids, basically asking them to actually do their job as a parent. I was a manager so it was my job to do this.

    I know it isn’t easy, I have been out with my neices and nephews alone, in public while they melted down. It sucks. I wish there was a way to help other parents when that happens. I do try to give understanding looks. Its easy to be in our own minds and worried about our own comfort level, but we were all kids at some point as well.

    More understanding, patience and less judging each other would do the whole world a lot of good!!

    Post # 36
    Member
    2600 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Oh lord, who DON’T I judge?! A non-exhaustive list of my top mom offenders: 

    Lysol moms – the ones convinced the shopping cart will give precious ebola. 

    Hover moms – the ones who literally walk two steps behind their kid around the playground

    A+ moms – the ones who compare their kids with yours

    “I am my child” moms – the moms who have forsaken all other qualifiers of identity to be perfect mothers and therefore end up with neurotic children. 

    And I’ll probably get into trouble with this one, but I find myself rolling my eyes at those who have that “children are innocent little cherubs” way of handling their kids. Sorry. They’re not. They’re cute little cretins. 

     

    But, not only are these in the extreme, but who the eff cares what I think of anyone’s parenting? It’s your kid and you know what works and what doesn’t. 

    (and honestly, I’m not a totally bitchy person–if your kid loses it in Target, I get it. I just got a 40 minute tantrum in response to the question “do you want your blue car or your red car?” and had to haul him kicking and screaming out to the parking lot and stand there while he freaked out in the car with everyone walking by giving me funny looks.)

    Post # 37
    Member
    1670 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

    newbabybee:  Just curious, how are some mom’s supposed to leave their child at home if she’s a single mother? Not everyone has grandma or auntie to take her baby to, and you’re right, groceries DO need to be bought and if she has no choice but to take during naptime, how is that her fault? A baby will not be harmed if he’s fussy and has to be in the store for 15 minutes while mom gets food, nor will the other shoppers’ ears fall off.

     

    When it comes to bitty babies I try really hard to be even extra forgiving. This might be their first child and parenting is a completely new world for them. Hell, it’s easy to say I could do better when I have no freaking clue. I don’t know their circumstances, what’s going on, and who am I to assume this is their every day routine? People, adults AND babies are allowed to half off days. Life isn’t perfect and so long as the big picture is good, I try not to get sucked up in the details of other people’s lives.

    • This reply was modified 5 years ago by  TwinkleBoss.

    The topic ‘Why are mothers so judgemental of other mothers?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors