Post # 1
I can’t tell you how many older women (total strangers) have discovered that I’m engaged and about to get married and their first comment is “don’t do it!” Younger women just ask to see the ring and smile. But these older ladies who are complete strangers I’ve never met before looooove to tell me all about their divorces and tell me not to get married. Um… I’m not going to take some stranger’s advice!
It’s right up there with the “Last change to run” signs being toted down the aisle by kids at the wedding, and those cake toppers where the bride is dragging the man or he is wearing a ball and chain on his ankle.
I know that divorce rates are about 50%, but why tell random people not to get married? It’s just rude. Even if down the road my marriage ends in separation or divorce I know that this experience will be important. Life is unpredictable. I refuse to lose out on an important milestone because of fear of the unknown. And oh yeah, I love that man. <3
Post # 3
Im a younger bride (21) and I get this as well its easier to just shrug it off. People will always have their own opinions, thay they feel must be heard.
Way I see it is my grandmother (and that generation) all got married at 18yo and they are all still together. My parents (and that generation) are all divorced (of all the middle aged marriages I know anyway) so its our turn haha.
Not sure what you mean by the signs and the cake toppers, but my flower girl will be holding the “last chance to run” sign 🙂 not the cake topper, I have never really liked people cake toppers.
Post # 4
I think a lot of times when a woman is saying that, it’s coming from a place of bitterness. However, I think sometimes it’s genuine concern.
But they don’t realize that their mistakes are not necessarily going to become your mistakes.
I got married a few weeks ago (at 21) and for the most part everyone was very supportive- there were a few select comments that made me roll my eyes, but who cares what a total stranger thinks?
Post # 5
Interesting! I was actually treated more rudely by young people who think I’m crazy for getting married at 22.
Post # 6
@michiru4ever: I was in Vegas for a bachelorette party and an older divorcée accosted my friend (the bride) in the bathroom, telling my friend that her marriage was sure to be a mistake. Granted, she was likely smashed, but seriously who does that??
Post # 7
I’m 27, Fiance will be 28 when we get married and I’ll turn 28 on our honeymoon the next week. So I don’t think we qualify in the “young” group…dunno.
But I get this ALL the time from my MOM and my AUNT. Both are divorced and when they did marry they eloped. I don’t really think of it as an “older” thing…just a family thing LOL. The women in my family hate marriage…and are begrudingly coming to a wedding 🙂 🙂 🙂
Post # 8
I think it could be one of three things:
Values, Jealousy or Genuine Concern.
Post # 9
eh, I think people are always a little too quick to dismiss a stranger’s advice. frankly, if a bunch of strangers are telling you the same thing, seeing as they could come from any and all walks of life, maybe there’s something to it.
it’s not enough to make you quit the engagement and stop the wedding, of course, do what you want, but being so quick to dismiss doesn’t reflect well on your decision-making at all.
Post # 10
A lot of people like to impart their “wisdom” on the younger generation. I put wisdom in quotes because some people may have genuine knowledge to share, but many others come from the point of view of ‘been there, done that’ and are bitter about some of what life had in store for them. I think it’s important to have a good filter and be able to take the advice of people you trust and feel comfortable with. Before I got married I had a good deal of people make comments to me, but I also had an incredibly stable and supportive bunch of people behind me. I learned to not let people’s comments bother me, especially because everyone approaches situations from the lense of their life situation and their advice or wisdom is often biased.
Post # 11
I have never gotten that reaction. Dunno who you’re meeting, but I’m going to say they’re the wrong people.
If they are strangers, pay no attention to the advice. If they are people you know pretty well, maybe give it a second look.
Post # 12
I’ve definitely heard this a few times, but mostly from people who have zero tact/class in the first place. I’m 24 (25 this year), so I’m not THAT young… I look young for my age but give me a break. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.
Post # 13
They probably like to think that their experience makes them all knowing on the subject and that their life experience will be repeated in you in every detail.
Really I think it’s bitterness. How can they give advice in earnest knowing pretty full well that you are not going to turn around and say “Gee, the divorce rate is kind of high, you’re right I will ditch the man I love and call of the wedding!”They’re not at an exciting time in their lives, they’re marriages may have broken down and if they were not young when they got hitched then they didnt get to be the youthful radiant bride that you will be.
I also think divorce rates may be higher where you are if it’s 50%!
Post # 14
I am old 48 and I will apologize for the older women who have made you feel that you dont know what you are doing. Let me be the one of the few older women that will congratulate you on your upcoming wedding.
I do understand how you feel because I waited to get married later on in life. Most of my friends are divorced except for one. They have all told me not to get married because of this or that.
I am happy that I waited because he is exactly what I wanted, I think we are older enough to know what we want.
Post # 15
I get this from my mom a lot. She always says “What’s the rush?!” Until I remind her that she had me and was pregnant with my brother at my age (23) AND had only been with my brother’s dad for less than 6 months. At least I’m doing it the “right” way! Sheesh.
I get it from a lot of people actually, but none of my friends say things like that because they know me and know that we’re meant to be together. Also, my SO gets a lot of crap from guys – that aren’t his friends – that find out that we’re getting married. One guy (who was in his 30’s) at a bar repeatedly said “DON’T DO IT!” after he had already met me, and said he was “living the life” by trying to take some drunk girl home that he had just met. My SO was like uhh been there, done that, sleeping around is meaningless when I know I’ve already found my WIFE.
People are dumb.
Post # 16
I get so freaking annoyed when people tell me or my fiancee not to do it. My fiancee hears it more than i do. I don’t know if it’s based on me or just more common for men to say something like that. This is suppose to be one of the happiest times of our lives. It really ticks me off when someone says that crap. It’s getting really old.