(Closed) Why are older ladies so rude about young brides?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1975 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Im a younger bride (21) and I get this as well its easier to just shrug it off. People will always have their own opinions, thay they feel must be heard.

Way I see it is my grandmother (and that generation) all got married at 18yo and they are all still together. My parents (and that generation) are all divorced (of all the middle aged marriages I know anyway) so its our turn haha.

Not sure what you mean by the signs and the cake toppers, but my flower girl will be holding the “last chance to run” sign ๐Ÿ™‚ not the cake topper, I have never really liked people cake toppers.

 

Post # 4
Member
2459 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I think a lot of times when a woman is saying that, it’s coming from a place of bitterness. However, I think sometimes it’s genuine concern.

But they don’t realize that their mistakes are not necessarily going to become your mistakes.

I got married a few weeks ago (at 21) and for the most part everyone was very supportive- there were a few select comments that made me roll my eyes, but who cares what a total stranger thinks?

Post # 5
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Interesting! I  was actually treated more rudely by young people who think I’m crazy for getting married at 22.

Post # 6
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@michiru4ever:  I was in Vegas for a bachelorette party and an older divorcée accosted my friend (the bride) in the bathroom, telling my friend that her marriage was sure to be a mistake. Granted, she was likely smashed, but seriously who does that??

Post # 7
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m 27, Fiance will be 28 when we get married and I’ll turn 28 on our honeymoon the next week.  So I don’t think we qualify in the “young” group…dunno. 

But I get this ALL the time from my MOM and my AUNT.  Both are divorced and when they did marry they eloped.  I don’t really think of it as an “older” thing…just a family thing LOL.  The women in my family hate marriage…and are begrudingly coming to a wedding ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 8
Member
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think it could be one of three things:

Values, Jealousy or Genuine Concern.

Post # 9
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

eh, I think people are always a little too quick to dismiss a stranger’s advice. frankly, if a bunch of strangers are telling you the same thing, seeing as they could come from any and all walks of life, maybe there’s something to it.

it’s not enough to make you quit the engagement and stop the wedding, of course, do what you want, but being so quick to dismiss doesn’t reflect well on your decision-making at all.

Post # 10
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

A lot of people like to impart their “wisdom” on the younger generation. I put wisdom in quotes because some people may have genuine knowledge to share, but many others come from the point of view of ‘been there, done that’ and are bitter about some of what life had in store for them. I think it’s important to have a good filter and be able to take the advice of people you trust and feel comfortable with. Before I got married I had a good deal of people make comments to me, but I also had an incredibly stable and supportive bunch of people behind me. I learned to not let people’s comments bother me, especially because everyone approaches situations from the lense of their life situation and their advice or wisdom is often biased. 

Post # 11
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I have never gotten that reaction. Dunno who you’re meeting, but I’m going to say they’re the wrong people.

If they are strangers, pay no attention to the advice. If they are people you know pretty well, maybe give it a second look.

Post # 12
Member
2250 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’ve definitely heard this a few times, but mostly from people who have zero tact/class in the first place. I’m 24 (25 this year), so I’m not THAT young… I look young for my age but give me a break. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”.

 

Post # 13
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

They probably like to think that their experience makes them all knowing on the subject and that their life experience will be repeated in you in every detail.

Really I think it’s bitterness. How can they give advice in earnest knowing pretty full well that you are not going to turn around and say “Gee, the divorce rate is kind of high, you’re right I will ditch the man I love and call of the wedding!”They’re not at an exciting time in their lives, they’re marriages may have broken down and if they were not young when they got hitched then they didnt get to be the youthful radiant bride that you will be.

I also think divorce rates may be higher where you are if it’s 50%!

Post # 14
Member
1463 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am old 48 and I will apologize for the older women who have made you feel that you dont know what you are doing. Let me be the one of the few older women that will congratulate you on your upcoming wedding.

I do understand how you feel because I waited to get married later on in life. Most of my friends are divorced except for one. They have all told me not to get married because of this or that.

I am happy that I waited because he is exactly what I wanted, I think we are older enough to know what we want.

BIG HUG

Post # 15
Member
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I get this from my mom a lot. She always says “What’s the rush?!” Until I remind her that she had me and was pregnant with my brother at my age (23) AND had only been with my brother’s dad for less than 6 months. At least I’m doing it the “right” way! Sheesh.

I get it from a lot of people actually, but none of my friends say things like that because they know me and know that we’re meant to be together. Also, my SO gets a lot of crap from guys – that aren’t his friends – that find out that we’re getting married. One guy (who was in his 30’s) at a bar repeatedly said “DON’T DO IT!” after he had already met me, and said he was “living the life” by trying to take some drunk girl home that he had just met. My SO was like uhh been there, done that, sleeping around is meaningless when I know I’ve already found my WIFE.

People are dumb.

Post # 16
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I get so freaking annoyed when people tell me or my fiancee not to do it. My fiancee hears it more than i do. I don’t know if it’s based on me or just more common for men to say something like that. This is suppose to be one of the happiest times of our lives. It really ticks me off when someone says that crap. It’s getting really old.

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