(Closed) Why are older ladies so rude about young brides?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I am 22, going to be 23 in September, and will be getting married a couple of months before I turn 25. The funny thing? I don’t get comments like that in real life, a LOT of my friends from high school married between the ages of 18 and 23, all are still happily married. I have only gotten rude, snarky comments about my age here on the bee, that sometimes makes me think about deleting my account, they have been that bad.

Post # 33
Member
32 posts
Newbee

I think people who are rude are just rude. Agree with Stace126, when you get a bit older and you’re not married, you’ll hear stuff too, mostly about ticking biological clocks. 

Post # 34
Member
7573 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@michiru4ever:  Do you really think that your Vegas example was because you were a young bride or do you think that maybe she had a little bit to drink and probably would have said it to any bride? Look at what she said. She didn’t say honey don’t do it you are too young. I honestly do not think in that example age had anything to do with it, more a case of divorcee trying to warn (misguided or not) another women.

Just the same that you are probably sensitive to comments that are percieved as attacks to a young bride these older women are sensitive to the fact that in some cases marriage sucks. It is all about experiences and sharing your opinion.

Though it is a little weird to have complete strangers say stuff to you. Maybe you have one of those open talk to me faces. I have one of those and have never ever anywhere in the world  caught public transport without someone talking to me.

Post # 35
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Rock Hugger:  I went to your source for that, and I believe you misinterpreted their chart.

The statistics you have listed are the percentage of divorced women that fall into that particular age group.

If you read down directly below that chart, you will see the following quote:

50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.

According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:

  • The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
  • The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
  • The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%

Post # 36
Member
1075 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@PMSJL:  I think it has to do with trying to give us their negative energy and experiences. Everyone marries for different reasons and when my friends got marriedthey were younger but I always said I wanted a true marriage. I wanted it built on love, respect, and a strong committment to be the best people we can be for each other.

They are so angry because of the choices they made and so hurt by the pain the marriage caused them that they have a negative view of marriage. I understand how they could feel that way but I wanted to wait until I felt he was everything I ever wanted.

I dont discuss wedding stuff because they are so negative. I have been reduced to talking to my FI to avoid arguments or nasty comments. On one hand they say that I deserve a good man because of the kind of person I am and on the other hand they start to go into details about their failed marriages.  

Post # 37
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@rachelmichelle:  I don’t think she misinterpreted it. She said “divorce rates vary based on age” and women of a certain age falling in those groups is the same thing. In fact, the site is showing that the “50% of americans divorce” is a flawed statistic because it does NOT account for what age group one is referring to (i.e., your age influences your likeliness to divorce). You are citing a different set of facts on that page. Different topics.

Post # 38
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@maya2008:  The ‘divorce rate’ for women would be the proportion of women who get divorced out of the total number of women who get married. Or if you were breaking it down by age, it would be the proportion of women in a specific age group who get divorced out of the total number of women in that age group who marry.

According to her post, the divorce rate for women who marry under the age of 20 is 27.6 percent. That is simply not what that website is saying. The website is saying that out of all married women who ended up getting a divorce, 27.6% of them were under the age of 20 when they got married.

Furthermore, if we assume that the website’s statistic that 50% of marriages end in divorce, and assume that because of the laws in this country that homosexual male marriages are not a statistically significant figure, so that for the purpose of these statistics ‘marriages’ usually encompass a man AND a woman, then it would be impossible for every single age group of women to have a divorce rate of less than 50%. An age group that fell below the 50% mark would need to be countered by an age group above the 50% mark.

I actually did some research on divorce rates by age group (and other factors) and posted about it in another thread a while back: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/while-were-quoting-statistics-about-age#axzz2OBXZdLc5

Post # 39
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m 32, was 31 when I married my husband. 

If I had a chance to talk to my 22 year old self, I’d tell her to get the hell away from the guy I was dating and not waste any more time with him.  Thank God it never got to marraige.

So – I think a lot of the negativity comes from places like that.  I’d never tell anyone not to marry, that’s your business.  But looking back, I’m so glad I waited until I was in my 30’s.  Because I’d have married an asshole earlier, and because I’m just so much more comfortable with myself now.

Post # 40
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Totally depends on the person. I don’t think they have to be “old”. If they are unhappy, you get those comments. If they are content, you get supportive ones. 

 

 

Post # 41
Member
4554 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think anyone who thinks it is jealousy is being silly. If they are saying that, it is because they have a bad view of marriage, not a bad view of you. And if they have a bad view of marriage, why would they be envious of anyone getting married?

Think about the sheer number of 25 and younger brides who come here saying “I’m mature for my age.” Statistially, how many can that actually hod true for? I am sure some are, but I generally feel (as an “older lady” myself) that the mature ones are generally NOT the ones trying to convince everyone how very mature they are, while recounting events and actions that paint them as very immature.

This is just a generalization, every bit as much as “older ladies are rude to younger brides” and it won’t hold true in all cases. But if the women being rude about marriage/questioning it are ones who are close to you (as opposed to strangers, who are probably just miserable with their sex lives) you might pay closer attention to your words and behavior, and check any lingering childish irresponsibility or teenage attitude. If you know you’ve been mature in all situations, and have kept your temper and lived up to your responsibilities, at that point stop listening. If you’ve behaved beyond reproach and so has your Fiance, you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that their words are every bit reflections on their own lives as opposed to yours.

Post # 42
Member
2060 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It’s more about them than you at that point.  I dealt with it too and I got married at 26 (so not as young as others).  They are bitter, angry and don’t believe in lasting love.  I felt more sorry for them than anything.

Post # 43
Member
6458 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

They should pass a law saying that everyone under the age of 25 can no longer vote, drink, smoke, get married, or fight for the country.  HAHAHAHA just kidding.  But can you imagine?  Take away all the adult privileges because they’re not yet adults…it would be interesting to see how the kids people in question dealt with that.

 

Post # 44
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

They aren’t trying to be rude.  Some of them think they are truly offering helpful advice.  They are also jaded and bitter.  Let them have their moment and go on.  I am guilty of the same thing regarding my profession.  When you are in the thick of it, you know the good, the bad and the ugly.

Post # 45
Member
276 posts
Helper bee

I had a friend who totally went off on me with reguards to getting married because she was divorced and I was “too childish” to know. Im a child of divorced parents. Well lets just say that was the end of that friend relationship. I get this from alot of men, more than women. In fact just this weekend I was telling someone I was getting married on a gondola ride while skiing and some guy just turns to me and says arent you too young to be getting married? I was kinda shocked at his blunt question but it doesnt get me down. Didnt realize that 26 is that young lol. Oh well some people can be just rude.

Post # 46
Member
7553 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@peachacid:  So I gather from your comment you think people under 25 are kids?

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