(Closed) Why are older ladies so rude about young brides?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 62
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I will be 22 when I marry, FH will be 27. We have had nothing but total support from family and friends. They know us and know, especially considering our backgrounds, that we would not rush into anything we weren’t 100% sure about. Ironically, the only people that have ever made comments were all women, all divorced, at random places like my job and the bar. There is not one instance of divorce in my entire family going back as many generations as I can trace. We do not treat marriage lightly. Most marriages these days end up failing because A) the partners were not compatible to begin with or B) people just don’t TRY anymore and marriage takes WORK! I figure there will be plenty more comments to come, and I will continue to smile and brush them off. If they want to look miserable, more power to them. If they were saying it out of genuine concern I would appreciate it, but so far that hasn’t been the case.

Post # 64
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@maya2008:  That’s interesting you say that, as I work in science (specifically neuropsychology, actually) and we don’t consider anyone a “youth or juvenile” past the age of 18. Most of this brain-not-fully-formed research comes into play with actual teenagers moreso than legal adults. And the issue is not in myelination overall, just in finalizing connections with the PFC.

And regardless, that’s an individually rated thing too, so unless we’re checking out people’s myelin we’re not going to be able to make judgments on whether they can make a decision rationally or not.

Just my “science perspective”.

Post # 65
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I find it odd that complete strangers even know you’re getting married much less give you advice. 

Post # 66
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

deleted my original post it turned into a rambling novel….so here it is short and sweet…

 

Opinions are like A$$Hol*$ everyones got one that doesnt mean it should affect your life….if your happy then go with it ….lifes to short to worry about if everyone agrees with you….i do feel their is alot of judgement on when people get married older and younger….but at the end of the day if it dosent affect you or your relationship and life…..why sasy things like that to people….be nice and keep your thoughts to yourself….i do agree with a PP that sometimes people can get alittle out of hand shoving their opinions down peoples throats….and i can find BILLIONS of research articles to support just about any side of this conversation you want that dosent mean one side is right or wrong….

I do feel that ( i know i say it about people my age myself) i think that growing up in a family where divorce isnt really an option unless theres abuse or cheating or the marriage from hell….i feel that the divorce rate is high NOW because we are in such a ME generation where if it dosent work chuck it and get anew one….and holywood glamorizing well it didnt work soo lets divorce ill be married again next month and itll be great! I do not think age as the only factor is a good indicator of divorce many older generations got married much younger than mid 20’s and have marriages lasting 60+ years….because they worked at their marriages no matter what….and now i think age gets blamed for maturity issues….i dont think wether im 24 or 25 when i get married is going to doom my relationship because i didnt wait 8 months….it depends on the compatibilty of 2 people to grow and change together over time…..no matter what age you start….im not the same as i was at 20, and i wont be the same as i am now when im 35….or older….its working and changing together…not soley looking at statistics….

Post # 67
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MrsWrangler:  I work in nueropsychology as well. I am a practicing clinician 🙂 I focus on young adult development.

I said nothing about “judging” or rational decision making. I just stated the facts.
We don’t call our patients juvenile’s or youth, but we look at their brain development in that perspective.

One’s brain can develop faster or slower than others depending on a myriad of experiences and factors. I was giving a framework, not individual situations.

That’s my scientific perspective.

Post # 70
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@maya2008:  Must be a difference in clinician vs. research perspective, I don’t do clinical work (although i do do aging work, just not in an executive decision framework, and we don’t look at “juvenile” brains past 18). Interesting to hear from the other side 🙂

I am just really tired of hearing this argument constantly come up in this discussion, always from 25+ individuals being judgmental of younger decision-making capabilities, when frankly it’s irrelevant unless we try to outlaw marriage at under 25. You as another neuropsych know better than anyone that development is a continuum on an individual basis, so I dislike the implication that this is a legitimate widespread issue to blame for young marriages.

Post # 71
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MrsWrangler:  I never used it as an excuse or said people shouldn’t marry young. You are implying things that are not true.  I merely said that peachaid made a point about maturity and brain development.

 

Post # 72
Member
1699 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@maya2008:  I didn’t mean you specifically, I actually just said that it’s come up often in these discussions and is often thrown around as support for an implication that I find a stretch. Please don’t read into that a personal jab :).

Post # 74
Member
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@OctBride-2012:  I understand though i broke my right hand when i was in highschool, and i wore my class ring on my left ring finger out of habbit of wearing it while i had a cast on and then kept doing it after the cast was off due to swelling issues….because i paid $200 for it, so i was gonna wear it LOL….while i was in college before i lost it…and people would see my class ring on my left ring finger, and start spewing advice how i was too young at 19 to get married with out even looking closely to see that it was obviously a class ring….all they saw was young girl, ring on left ring finger and it set them off on saying crap like that to me….so i can only imagine how frequent it could get with a ring that is a “typical engagement ring” on that finger….

Post # 76
Hostess
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

woof- people are so rude sometimes!  I’m with you on the dumb “last chance to run” signs.  And I didn’t drag you to the wedding.  God forbid he wants to marry the love of his life. 

 

Side note – I was at a wedding and the groom took off his tux shirt and he had a tee shirt on underneat that said “GAME OVER :(”  with a big yellow frown face.  I did not find it cute.

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