(Closed) Why are older ladies so rude about young brides?

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 92
Member
938 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Stoich:  You have no idea how much your reply made me smile, it made my day. Thank you!

Post # 93
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I haven’t read through all of the comments but I’m going to guess that those people have had horrible experiences, and they believe everyone will too. 

Post # 94
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2015

im 17. been married for a year and month now, sense a month after i turned 16. no strangers have told me not too. only my sisyers told me to make sure I really want too.

Post # 95
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m originally from AL. Visiting my parents a couple of years ago (not yet engaged but dating my current FI). I was scoffed at by a much older lady because I WASN’T married. At the age of 24. I couldn’t believe it.

Post # 96
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

 Well, sometimes it has to do with how old you act. If you act young, people will treat you that way. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just reality. Also, you can act older, but if you are young, they will still treat you that way.

I am not saying it’s ok to be rude to anyone regarding their age and marriage, but it does happen. I would say not getting super upset about it is a sign of maturity to me.

Post # 97
Member
1502 posts
Bumble bee

I honestly don’t think this comes from bitterness in most people, although some do fall into that category.  I think it is well intended and comes from a person’s desire to look out for you most of the time.  

 

Also, plenty of non-divorced people aren’t proponents of marrying young.   I have a lot of very happily married friends who are glad they waited until their late 20s and early 30s to get married, because they would have missed out on so many amazing experiences.  In my social circle, most people would not even consider marriage until 28 because they are focused on professional success or advanced academics such as medical residencies.  Being single left them free to achieve their goals.  They could travel for work, chase promotions, master yoga, backpack Europe, etc.  While in theory you can do all of this while while married, it can be much harder because you have the demands of a marriage to meet and usually a lot less money.  Chasing your goals can mean neglecting your spouse, and that is never a  good thing.  And then you become even less independent once you have children.  Once you have children to take care of, you simply can’t take a spur of the moment business trip to London as easily as a single woman can.  You have more hoops to jump through and don’t have the freedom to just think of yourself. 

 

That said, some people don’t have big dreams to travel, chase career goals, etc., because the big dream to them is to have children at 23.  So I can see how for someone like that getting married would be chasing their goals.  It’s easy for those of us who love our fabulous careers to forget that at times, so please forgive people who do.  I think they just want you to experience the fabulous life they’ve experienced, and they know marriage might hold you back from it.  Just remind them you are following your own path.

 

Also, meanness is never acceptable, especially from strangers.  I am sorry that you have experienced that.

 

Post # 98
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Misery loves company, plain and simple. Take it with a grain of salt.

Post # 99
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@michiru4ever:  Blow it off. As an ‘older’ and divorced Bee, I get all kinds of hell for getting married again. Everything from “you sure you wanna do that again?” to “Wow, you must really want kids”. I would never tell another woman, of any age, to NOT get married (unless she was engaged to some abusive ass; then I might try to help her figure that out on her own).

Frankly, its none of their business. It’s hurtful, and downright rude at times, but I realize that others simply make assumptions based on their own perceptions. I can tell you that some women (like my mother and ex stepmother) who have been divorced several times, that they eventually might adopt an attitude of ‘I don’t need a man’ as a means of protecting themselves from hurt later on. Just because their marriages didn’t last, does NOT mean mine (or yours) won’t. If people keep doing it to you, just smile at ’em and say “I appreciate your advice” and then walk away. It lets them know you heard their comments (and subsequently blew it off) and they eventually shut up about it. 🙂 *Hugs*

Post # 99
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 2014

While I totally agree it is a rude thing for people to say, they might be coming from a similar situation as you and wished they would have waited.

Some people know who they are when they are young, so they dont’ change much. But if you get married young, and then change a lot in your 20’s (political views, money veiw, religion, etc) then that can create stress for your partner who thought your were “abc,” and ten yrs down the road you are “xyz.”  So, most of the people i know are still married.  Those we are divorced, well their relationship was not so good prior to their marriage.

just brush it off, you know you.  forget them.

Post # 100
Member
1178 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

View original reply
michiru4ever:  I certainly do not qualify as a younger bride, but even I got this from a relative who was 20 years older than me. Called her to tell her I planned to get married, and she asked, “Do you REALLY want to do this. Then proceeded to tell me how much she was against marriage. (She is married but unhappy).

I think there is nothing wrong with someone getting married in her early 20s. At one time, this was typical.

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