Post # 1
I have a problem. My wedding is in 9 days (well, in 45 minutes it’s in 9 days). I’m still trying to get responses from some relatives so I can make my place cards, and I get an email from my mom saying that I need to leave an open seat at a table for her friend because she heard she was going to bring her daughter and her husband with her as guests. I did not invite the three of them. I made it clear in the invite that TWO guests were invited, not three. Apparently, that doesn’t matter to this person and she plans on doing whatever she wants anyway.
I’d like to say that it’s too damn bad and that I’m not going to leave an extra seat at that table. I worked hard on my seating chart and it was finally done. Another part of me thinks I should just suck it up and let them be rude jerks. I have been very controlled and calm for this 11 month engagement and wedding planning process, but this makes me want to scream.
What would you do?
Post # 3
Definately a problem! First I’d consider how close of friends they were with you mom. You kinda don’t wanna tick like your mom’s lifetime best friend off -even though they are completely not following etiquette. Personally, I’d pull the whole "we’re limited in our seating, and we had only planned on having the company of you and your husband" card.
Best trick ever for other brides-going ahead and filling out the response cards with names. If you have your calligrapher do it, it appears beautiful and something extra. While you as a bride can rest assured little Suzy doesn’t come uninvited as well as you don’t receive a blank card with no names!
Hope you get to the bottome of this-sanely!
Post # 4
You can create a new table for the guests who haven’t replied yet, or are bringing extra guests. This way, if they don’t come, your tables don’t look so empty and if they do, they’re not squished. And extra table is easier to work with and can be easily removed if not needed. If your guests are going to be rude and bring extra guests, all you can do it try to be nice, but not bend backwards for them. Are you paying for the wedding, or is your mother? If your mother is helping with the costs, and money isn’t an issue for her, I would just let it go and let her friend do whatever she wants. You’ll barely notice it at the wedding.
However, if you are paying for the reception, I would have a firm word with your mother that this is unacceptable.
We always have guests who bring extra people, or reply no and come, or reply yes and never show up. In the end, it all evens out.
Post # 5
I don’t have room for extra tables. I do have some tables with an extra seat, but the table they’re currently at isn’t one of them. I don’t really want to split up the people at the other tables, but I found one possible option. The extra seats at tables are for the people who MIGHT come (like an out-of-state grandpa who still isn’t sure if he can come). But I left the extra seats at specific tables so I could put people at tables where they actually knew (or had something in common) with the other people at that table.
I guess I’m just going to make the one possible switch and deal with it. But if they pull the stunt they did at another wedding (deciding not to go IN THE PARKING LOT because they didn’t want to valet their car), I’m not going to be happy.
My parents are paying for the reception and we’re paying for everything else, so I can’t fight too much.
Post # 6
Ugh, Alison, I feel your pain.. big time. My wedding was last month and I had pretty much this exact situation. Except the family in question (where only the parents were invited) were going to bring their FOUR children – including a baby, which I was firmly against having at the wedding. I was so far beyond furious. They are my mom’s (2nd!) cousins and she saw nothing wrong with letting them come, despite my arguments that a)we didn’t have room and b)it’s the sheer principle of the matter. So. Unbelievably. Rude. This family was the source of many, many an argument with my mother.
In the end — and it pains me to have to tell you this — I just gave in. It wasn’t worth the argument with my mom, I had bigger things to worry about, and I didn’t want to be the source of family bitterness at future gatherings (despite the fact that I hardly know these people.) My parents were also footing the bill for the reception, which gave them even more ground. I suggest that you just give in and do some painful seating rearrangement, and forget about it, as hard as it will be. I feel for you!