(Closed) Why are people so judgmental? The priest even!

posted 7 years ago in Catholic
Post # 3
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

sorry i just dont understand the “Plus hand writing analysis proved the “friend” had signed the check himself and the case was dropped. But, even though Fiance hadn’t done anything wrong, they made him stay.”

how exactly can that happen..?

Post # 4
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@CanadianMermaid: I’m with you. If he had been proven innocent, this would be cleared up…

Post # 5
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Who buys a computer with check?

I’m sure your fiance is a perfectly great guy, but unfortunately he’s made at least two bad decisions that resulted in prison time.  I’m sure people just want you to consider that its a possibility something like this could happen again, and also the impact it will have on his/your future. His record will come up on any criminal background check for jobs, housing, etc.  

 

Post # 7
Member
493 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Huh, must be a regional thing.  Most people I know would make a major purchase like a computer on a credit or debit card. Also, I honestly don’t know of a retailer who would accept a check, let alone a check from someone who wasn’t present to make the purchase.  I’m sure your Fiance had no criminal intent, but the whole thing does sound a little shady which is why I was skeptical about a check.  

The thing is, anyone from your pastor to random Weddingbee posters like myself may have some judgments, as you pointed out.  This is probably something you’ll be dealing with for the rest of your life, you should prepare yourself for that.  It might not be fair, but its reality.  

Post # 9
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

You can’t use a check someone else gave you.  That’s why most stores check your ID.  I’m sorry, but if you believe that story…

Post # 10
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@CatholicBee: You can if you write “cash” on it, if I understand correctly, or if you sign the back (at least in Canada)

Post # 11
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@CatholicBee: Wow, way to be judgmental and short with her on a post about Catholics at her church being so judgmental.

This was obviously a mistake on your FI’s part, and, of course, your church family wants to protect you and wants what’s best for you. That being said, I think there’s enough room here to forgive your Fiance. If his heart is really in the right place and he’s just involved in some unfortunate trouble right now, your friends and family should be a little less judgmental. What would Christ do? That’s just my two cents. 

I often find that the people who profess Christianity the loudest are some of the least Christian people.

ETA: Also, I’m sorry that you’re going through this while trying to plan your wedding. It must be heartbreaking to be separated from your Fiance during all of this. 

Post # 12
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

@mandi.pitt: it’s not being “judgemental” to say that a story is very fishy.  It would be judgemental to call him or her a name or to call their relationship a name.  

Post # 13
Member
1679 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Aside from his regular job, my fiance is a radio DJ.  I never knew this before I met him, but the radio station gets tons of mail from the prisons that pick up their stations (they own seven stations).  The letters are often heartbreaking…many include beautiful artwork, some include donations (stunning that people who earn a dollar a day find a way to donate money), and have some of the saddest stories, often about the writer being lonely and ignored by their families.

 

Unforutnately, may in society seem to think those who go to jail should wear a scarlet letter for the rest of their lives…which might be why so many wind up back in prison.  It’s hard to move on when a court/board has decided someone has “paid their debt” but society has decided that they haven’t.

 

I’m sorry you’re going through this. 

Post # 14
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@CatholicBee: “I’m sorry, but if you believe that story…”

That is judgemental. 1) you’ve already decided her Fiance is a fraud and 2) you’re implying she’s stupid for believing him. Also, like I said above, I think there is a way to pay with someone else’s check if they write it out correctly anyhow.

Post # 15
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@CatholicBee:  I live out of the country and my parents keep some checks of mine.  When I need them to purchase items for me, they take MY checks and can even use it at Walmart.  We have the same last name, so not sure if that is the reason or if it is because it is a small town.  Either way, the OP said she was with her Fiance when he went to the computer store and bought the computer, so he obviously used another person’s check to buy the computer.  Also, the OP said they knew him really well, so they probably trusted that the check was in good faith.

@FutureMrsPWV: I’m sorry for what you are going through, but unfortunately, you will probably get a lot more of this because he has been in prison.  Try not to take it so personally and I’m sure you’ll be able to find another officiant.  Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i know what you mean about the check. People do that all the time…”here’s a signed check, just fill in the amount when you get there.” 

Have you tried contacting the ACLU? They do prison work and might be able to help your fiance.

How long after he gets out are you getting married? Having some time in between might assuage people’s fears. 

Also, my mom buys everything with checks, even groceries. They are the EXACT same as a debit card, just one is plastic and one is paper!

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