(Closed) Why are registries tacky in the invitation insert?

posted 9 years ago in Paper
  • poll: Do you think it's tacky to put registry information on the invitation/inserts?
    Not only is it tacky, you should be arrested for doing it! : (33 votes)
    21 %
    It's just not wedding etiquette (please explain) : (73 votes)
    47 %
    It's up to the couple : (31 votes)
    20 %
    You should totally put it up! : (18 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    216 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2018 - Outdoor ceremony, banquet hall reception

    The major reason that you should never put your registry info on your invitation is because it makes it look like to come to the wedding you HAVE to bring a gift.

    Registry info can be put on your wedding Web site (which can be listed on your save-the-dates, sent out in an email, etc), included with the shower invitation, or passed through word of mouth.

    Putting on the actual wedding invite makes it seem like you’re fishing for gifts.

    I hope this helps!

    Post # 4
    Member
    613 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Put the web address on the bottom of the reply card or reception card.  That way, while they are looking for directions and accomodations, they will stumble upon your registry.  Dont include those awful little cards Macys and W+S give you…they wont match your invitation and it seems like your begging for gifts.

    Post # 5
    Member
    291 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2009

    I agree with Powderpuff — it just seems like the couple is fishing for gifts or mandating gifts by including it in the main wedding invites. But if I’m reading your post right, it sounds like the concerns you had probably didn’t have anything to do with the tacky aspect of including it in the invite, but more about the necessity of creating an registry. And I still think, whether you’re just starting out and haven’t lived together, or have lived together for a long time, is a helpful thing for any wedding guest. My guess is you probably would have been able to easily spread that info through word of mouth, your wedding website, save the date, etc. And acutally, if I know someone is getting married, I sometimes will just look up their registry info without any prompt since it’s so easy to do! We are also in the same Out of Town shipping boat, so we’re definitely making sure to spread through our wedding party via word of mouth about shipping gifts straight to where we live instead of bringing it to the wedding, especially if it comes up in conversation. Anyway, what’s done is done so I wouldn’t worry about it now =)

    Post # 7
    Member
    400 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I think its "tacky" because it looks like you’re assuming everyone will get you a gift. Now, we all know that pretty much everyone will get you something (at least a card), but it’s not very couth to tell everyone where you’re registered.

    I don’t have a wedding Web site (waaaaay too busy for that), so it was on my shower invites (which wasn’t done by me) and all my attendants know, so people could ask them.

    I think the Web site and word of mouth is the best (and safest) way to go.

    Post # 8
    Member
    596 posts
    Busy bee

    To be honest, I didn’t know it was tacky until I started planning my own wedding because I had gotten plenty of invitations with registry info and I didn’t think anything of it.  I’m pretty understanding of why others might choose to include them but I never did it for my own wedding – I didn’t want to seem gift grabby!

    Post # 9
    Member
    350 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    One of my favorite etiquette books, "Something New" by Elise MacAdam, explained it this way: an invitation should be a request for the presence of a person you care about, and only that.  Putting in registry information makes it seem like presents are expected or mandatory, and distracts from the message of "we would love for you to join us."

    I know a lot of people argue that everyone knows presents aren’t mandatory and that including registry information simply makes it easier for the guests to find their registries if they do want to get something.  I do understand that logic, but personally I can’t get past the feeling of begging for presents.  I wouldn’t mail out an unsolicited birthday wish list to my nearest and dearest, why should I do it for my wedding?

    Post # 10
    Member
    461 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2009

     I think it’s up to the couple , but I did not put it in my invite. Some couples really NEED stuff to start their lives together. It does seem to me to be fishing for a gift by putting the preprinted cards in your invite , but i’ve seen the info included in pocket folds and it didn’t look out of place thats just me.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2030 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    As long as you’re having a shower, there’s no need to put it in the wedidng invite anyway, as it should absolutely be included in shower invitations. Anyone who doesn’t know where you’re registered will ask anyway. We only had 2 guests go off-registry, and we didn’t put the registry info in our wedding invites.

    Post # 12
    Member
    163 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I think that your registry is for shower gifts and if those who are invited to the shower would also like to get you a gift instead of monetary gift they can do so. Most people do not want to get an invite to a wedding with the expectation that they also have to bring a gift. Think about it this way the least amount of gifts you get the more money you shall receive.

    Post # 13
    Member
    113 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    I must be tacky because I say put it in the invitation…who cares! I just received a wedding invitation without the registry and I had to make a phone call to see where they were registered. If it were in the invitation than I would had known! Anyways, everyone says etiquette this etiquette that, I don’t really live my life so ‘proper’ so why do I have to for my wedding. I mean don’t get me wrong, I am a lady, however I’m not going to be stressed out about people thinking that I am greedy. They know I am not so I will put the registry information in my invite!!!

    Post # 14
    Member
    813 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I definitely understand what you are thinking. Basically, the etiquette states that if you put it on your invitation, you are specifically telling people to buy you gifts. HOwever, in this day & age, everyone *usually* gives gifts in celebration of a wedding (whether at a wedding, or sending them ahead of time or afterwards to the couple’s house). So it seems like you are wondering if people always bring gifts, why shouldn’t you let them know where to get those gifts!

    However, I don’t think you should include it AT ALL. EVER. I think that registries are so common now-a-days, so anyone who would consider getting you a gift from your registry will find yours. If they refuse to buy from your registry (and there might be a couple of them), it doesn’t matter if it’s mentioned in the invite (or plastered all over it!) or not. I think you will come across much more graceful if you don’t mention it. People will ask your families, or even ask you directly & I think that’s the best way to let people know that you are registered. Plus, I’ve learned that if people register at some of the major chains, like Macy’s or Crate & Barrel, their name is automatically searchable for their registry. So if a lot of your friends have gotten married, some of them might already know that they can just google your name and find your registry without even asking you.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1423 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2009

    I can see why it gets confusing.  It all gets a bit silly:  don’t put it in your invitations, but put your website info in your invites (and then have a big ol’ tab labeled "Registry Information" on your website).  If it were really that tactless to let people know where you’re registered then it shouldn’t be on your website, either. 

    It’s also silly because the same etiquette guides that say you shouldn’t make it look like you’re asking for gifts with your wedding invitations ALSO say that if you get a wedding invitation, you HAVE to give a gift (Emily Post, anyone?). 

    Yeah, there is a serious lack of logic involved in the whole scenario.

    Head scratch.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2022 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I agree that etiquette rules are strange – at the end of the day most people are going to get you a gift and will want to know where you are registered!  They will either end up asking you, or your mom, or your aunt, or your sister, to find out!

    I think the reason why its ok to do it on your website is because in going to your website, guests opt to go online to find out more about your big day.  The invite is in your face and if you put the registry on there it screams "get me a gift!"  Having it on the webiste is less obvious – guests will only find out about it if they want to.

    The topic ‘Why are registries tacky in the invitation insert?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors