Post # 1
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
I’m new to this wedding planning and etiquette stuff and am really trying to figure out why I cannot/should not put wedding registry information on there.
Why is it considered tacky?
I’ve seen a thousand times over on here and other blogs and am trying to forget about it and put my registry on my insert anyway, but keep seeing bold letters
DO NOT PUT YOUR REGISTRY INFORMATION IN YOUR INVITATION!?!?!?!?!?!?!
The reason I am considering it is because my Fiance and I already live together and there are things that we need and things that we really don’t need. In addition, the registries let it be known that we live in New York and it would be difficult for us to ship gifts to ourselves in New York so there is already a shipping address on there for us. Many people are my parents’ friends and don’t know us that well.
How do you let registry information be known and how do you make sure guests won’t bring a bunch of gifts that will be difficult to ship if you don’t put it somewhere?
I just need to know, do you think it’s tacky to put registry information on there or long gone are the years?
Post # 3
Member
216 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: July 2018 - Outdoor ceremony, banquet hall reception
The major reason that you should never put your registry info on your invitation is because it makes it look like to come to the wedding you HAVE to bring a gift.
Registry info can be put on your wedding Web site (which can be listed on your save-the-dates, sent out in an email, etc), included with the shower invitation, or passed through word of mouth.
Putting on the actual wedding invite makes it seem like you’re fishing for gifts.
I hope this helps!
Post # 4
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
Put the web address on the bottom of the reply card or reception card. That way, while they are looking for directions and accomodations, they will stumble upon your registry. Dont include those awful little cards Macys and W+S give you…they wont match your invitation and it seems like your begging for gifts.
Post # 5
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
I agree with Powderpuff — it just seems like the couple is fishing for gifts or mandating gifts by including it in the main wedding invites. But if I’m reading your post right, it sounds like the concerns you had probably didn’t have anything to do with the tacky aspect of including it in the invite, but more about the necessity of creating an registry. And I still think, whether you’re just starting out and haven’t lived together, or have lived together for a long time, is a helpful thing for any wedding guest. My guess is you probably would have been able to easily spread that info through word of mouth, your wedding website, save the date, etc. And acutally, if I know someone is getting married, I sometimes will just look up their registry info without any prompt since it’s so easy to do! We are also in the same Out of Town shipping boat, so we’re definitely making sure to spread through our wedding party via word of mouth about shipping gifts straight to where we live instead of bringing it to the wedding, especially if it comes up in conversation. Anyway, what’s done is done so I wouldn’t worry about it now =)
Post # 6
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
Luckily, it isn’t done now just yet. I still have time to go back and change it if I need to (thank goodness). I would also definitely NOT put the cards the stores give you in the invite. That, I can totally agree, is tacky! My FI’s sister did it and I just thought it looked out of place and strange falling out of the envelope (this is also why I opted for pocket invites)
Post # 7
Member
400 posts
Helper bee
I think its "tacky" because it looks like you’re assuming everyone will get you a gift. Now, we all know that pretty much everyone will get you something (at least a card), but it’s not very couth to tell everyone where you’re registered.
I don’t have a wedding Web site (waaaaay too busy for that), so it was on my shower invites (which wasn’t done by me) and all my attendants know, so people could ask them.
I think the Web site and word of mouth is the best (and safest) way to go.
Post # 8
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
To be honest, I didn’t know it was tacky until I started planning my own wedding because I had gotten plenty of invitations with registry info and I didn’t think anything of it. I’m pretty understanding of why others might choose to include them but I never did it for my own wedding – I didn’t want to seem gift grabby!
Post # 9
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
One of my favorite etiquette books, "Something New" by Elise MacAdam, explained it this way: an invitation should be a request for the presence of a person you care about, and only that. Putting in registry information makes it seem like presents are expected or mandatory, and distracts from the message of "we would love for you to join us."
I know a lot of people argue that everyone knows presents aren’t mandatory and that including registry information simply makes it easier for the guests to find their registries if they do want to get something. I do understand that logic, but personally I can’t get past the feeling of begging for presents. I wouldn’t mail out an unsolicited birthday wish list to my nearest and dearest, why should I do it for my wedding?
Post # 10
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
I think it’s up to the couple , but I did not put it in my invite. Some couples really NEED stuff to start their lives together. It does seem to me to be fishing for a gift by putting the preprinted cards in your invite , but i’ve seen the info included in pocket folds and it didn’t look out of place thats just me.
Post # 11
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
As long as you’re having a shower, there’s no need to put it in the wedidng invite anyway, as it should absolutely be included in shower invitations. Anyone who doesn’t know where you’re registered will ask anyway. We only had 2 guests go off-registry, and we didn’t put the registry info in our wedding invites.
Post # 12
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
I think that your registry is for shower gifts and if those who are invited to the shower would also like to get you a gift instead of monetary gift they can do so. Most people do not want to get an invite to a wedding with the expectation that they also have to bring a gift. Think about it this way the least amount of gifts you get the more money you shall receive.
Post # 13
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
I must be tacky because I say put it in the invitation…who cares! I just received a wedding invitation without the registry and I had to make a phone call to see where they were registered. If it were in the invitation than I would had known! Anyways, everyone says etiquette this etiquette that, I don’t really live my life so ‘proper’ so why do I have to for my wedding. I mean don’t get me wrong, I am a lady, however I’m not going to be stressed out about people thinking that I am greedy. They know I am not so I will put the registry information in my invite!!!
Post # 14
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
I definitely understand what you are thinking. Basically, the etiquette states that if you put it on your invitation, you are specifically telling people to buy you gifts. HOwever, in this day & age, everyone *usually* gives gifts in celebration of a wedding (whether at a wedding, or sending them ahead of time or afterwards to the couple’s house). So it seems like you are wondering if people always bring gifts, why shouldn’t you let them know where to get those gifts!
However, I don’t think you should include it AT ALL. EVER. I think that registries are so common now-a-days, so anyone who would consider getting you a gift from your registry will find yours. If they refuse to buy from your registry (and there might be a couple of them), it doesn’t matter if it’s mentioned in the invite (or plastered all over it!) or not. I think you will come across much more graceful if you don’t mention it. People will ask your families, or even ask you directly & I think that’s the best way to let people know that you are registered. Plus, I’ve learned that if people register at some of the major chains, like Macy’s or Crate & Barrel, their name is automatically searchable for their registry. So if a lot of your friends have gotten married, some of them might already know that they can just google your name and find your registry without even asking you.
Post # 15
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
I can see why it gets confusing. It all gets a bit silly: don’t put it in your invitations, but put your website info in your invites (and then have a big ol’ tab labeled "Registry Information" on your website). If it were really that tactless to let people know where you’re registered then it shouldn’t be on your website, either.
It’s also silly because the same etiquette guides that say you shouldn’t make it look like you’re asking for gifts with your wedding invitations ALSO say that if you get a wedding invitation, you HAVE to give a gift (Emily Post, anyone?).
Yeah, there is a serious lack of logic involved in the whole scenario.
Head scratch.
Post # 16
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee
I agree that etiquette rules are strange – at the end of the day most people are going to get you a gift and will want to know where you are registered! They will either end up asking you, or your mom, or your aunt, or your sister, to find out!
I think the reason why its ok to do it on your website is because in going to your website, guests opt to go online to find out more about your big day. The invite is in your face and if you put the registry on there it screams "get me a gift!" Having it on the webiste is less obvious – guests will only find out about it if they want to.
