Post # 1
Currently, P and I are slowly but surely inching towards engagement-land! I was kind of hoping for a Christmas ’10 proposal, but when it didn’t happen, I honestly wasn’t totally crushed. We had an amazing holiday together, and he promised that we’d be actively planning a wedding by this coming summer. However, a few weeks before Christmas last year, P got injured in a rugby game, crushing his right (dominant) hand. He needed surgery and is now in physical therapy. When all is said and done, despite decent health insurance, he is going to be responsible for a few thousand dollars in payment. Because of his injury, he is unable to perform all his normal work duties until later this month, so he’s only been working part time. Poor guy also came home with a speeding ticket last night (8 mph over the limit, and was totally following the speed of traffic). It has not been his month!
Obviously, P is a little down about his decrease in funds. With both of us working, we are still living comfortably, but we’re trying to cut corners and budget where we can. While he was originally quite cute & mysterious about the destination of his upcoming tax return (bling, bling, anyone?), he’s been rather vocal about putting it towards his medical bill now. While I totally understand that decision, a little, silent voice in the back of my head is screaming, “But what about my ring?!”
P assures me that despite recent setbacks, we’re still on track with the whole marriage deal. We’ve decided to go with moissanite, so initially, I wasn’t too afraid of him going into significant debt over my ring. Now, who knows. I’m conflicted – on one hand, I am desperately hoping and almost expecting that he proceeds with the proposal by the summer as planned, but on the other, I feel incredibly selfish being the reason that he puts more financial strain on his pocketbook.
Has anyone else been conflicted due to money? How did you sort through your thoughts?
Post # 3
Haha, this is kinda similar but also not really at all.
Skyping with bf yesterday (we’re 2k miles LDR) and he sends me a link and says “I think I want to sell my miata and buy this”. I open up the link and it’s…..another miata. The same color…the same year….the same edition. So I say “uhm…it’s the same?” and he says “yeah! Well mine has been kind of having problems lately and this one here is only $3700! That’s like…$200 more than I paid for the one I have now! Mine’s interior is all crappy and the top leaks a little and isn’t clear anymore and it would just be so nice to be able to basically have the exact same car, but better!”
And I was just like “do whatever you want, dear. Just don’t end up further in the hole than you went in.” And he goes “that’s the thing…I would buy the new one and THEN sell my miata. So I’d have to pay out $3700 and that would have to come out of the ring fund…And then however long it takes to sell the car is how long it’d take to get that back…” Insert echo of “but…that’s the ring fund…!” as I try to smile and just say “well dear, I guess you’ll just have to make a decision.”
If he actually goes and buys this car and takes it out of my ring money, I will expect to be duly compensated for my patience.
So yeah, money related, but not really relevant to you. So here’s what I have to say to you and your situation:
If he said that he’s still on track, then you will just have to trust that he’s on track. If there’s anything I’ve learned about pushing my bf for an engagement ring, it’s that the ones that truly want to give you one (but can’t yet due to money or whatever) feel equally as bad about disappointing you as you do about being disappointed.
I can tell since he was kinda dangling his tax return in front of your eyes that he’s probably pretty excited to do it. Since y’all both know that you wanted to be planning a wedding by summer (no secret deadlines or anything), if he doesn’t do it, he will be reminded of his failure equally as often as you’re reminded of your single tax status. Like if he promised to take you out to dinner on your anniversary, but then forgot to bring his wallet or failed to make reservations at your fave restaurant. He will feel bad.
So I would try to just leave him be. I sometimes find myself saying things, hinting at engagement, and he would be kind of exasperated by it because he already told me he’s saving. What more can he give me until he’s actually ready to go? So if he says he’s still saving and he’s still gonna do it, you’ll just have to trust him to do it.
Post # 4
Ugh yes! SO and I were planning to purchase my ring in December… or apparently that is what I THOUGHT we were planning. I told him that we were going to go pick up my setting one night and then pickout my center stone. SO flipped! He told me he thought we were “just looking.” I am so frustrated by the fact that I have had to basically save his money for him and move his money into his savings account. If I didn’t my setting wouldn’t be sitting in my jewelry box right now.
As of late we are saving up for my center stone. It is infuriating to see it sitting in my jewelry box wand know that we don’t have the stone yet and worry that if we don’t hurry up and buy this thing we won’t be getting married until 2013. I try not to let it bother me but sometimes it makes me cry. As of right now we are hoping SO will be getting an amazing job opportunity for a couple months where he will make more than enough to purchase my diamond. Sometimes it just feels like it is the last thing on the list instead of the first thing.
It sounds so selfish and SO often gives me a reality check about it but I just want to get married. So many of our life plans are contingent on this marriage and the longer it takes the longer we wait for a house, kids, and life in general to really get going. Keep your chin up lady. I’m definitely feeling you.
Post # 5
Oh, MsBrooklynA, I am so with you in your statement, “So many of our life plans are contingent on this marriage and the longer it takes the longer we wait for a house, kids, and life in general to really get going.” It’s not just the about wearing something shimmery and shiny at this point – it’s the fact that job transitions, possible relocation, home buying, and trying for a baby we are oh-so-nearly ready for is all riding on us getting married in an appropriate amount of time.
It’s frustrating but I suppose a little humbling when money gets in the way. Sigh. Here’s to hoping your center stone comes soon!
Post # 6
It better. Wearing it around the house without one is slightly embarressing. 🙂 But not so embarressing I won’t do it.