(Closed) Why are 'Traditions' so important when it comes to engagement and weddings?

posted 4 years ago in Traditions
Post # 31
Member
3440 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

We’re kind of following in hikingbrides footsteps. Some traditions are ok, some we’re skipping. I’m taking his last name but would prefer to keep my own. 😝 This is really important to Fiance so I don’t mind enough to object but don’t feel its necessary either. No bouquet/garter toss, no speeches, uneven wedding party, no father/daughter dance, first dance yes, cake cutting yes, no church ceremony (we were both raised Catholic) nothing intentionally old, new, borrowed or blue. Traditions are fine but its nice being able to choose what does and doesn’t work for us. 

Post # 32
Member
15 posts
Newbee

Me and my partner are having the best of both worlds. At some point this year he will propose and a couple of months after we will have a casual court house wedding with only a couple of close friends and family members and will probably go to a restaurant or maybe do something fun to celebrate. And then later down the track (probably on one of our anniversaries) we will do the whole traditional white dress and shananigans things. I like non traditional and traditional weddings and I’m greedy so I wanted both lol

Post # 33
Member
200 posts
Helper bee

We’re doing a very small amount of traditions that we both really like or that are meaningful to us. If they’re neither, we’re not doing it. Here are some things:

TRADITIONAL

  • Ivory dress because I LOVEEEE my dress and have always imagined a dress but didn’t care what colour. I would have worn a black and blush Vera Wang if I had the money 🙂
  • Engagement ring: I didn’t really care what ring I got, but my Fiance went the traditional route

NON-TRADITIONAL

  • He’ll see me before the wedding, we’re doing a first look, and my Fiance is the ONLY person I asked to go dress shopping with me
  • We’re having a small, brunch wedding on a weekday
  • We’re walking each other down the aisle with our pup to Hoppipola
  • We’re writing our vows together
  • No bridal party, no bouquet toss, no religion, no veil, no dancing, no cake cutting
  • Cake is tentatively a collection of our favourite dessserts: cheesecake, carrot cake, creme brulee, and other small tasty bites

Basically we want a no-bullshit, no non-sense wedding with our closest family and friends with kick-ass food and drinks. 

Post # 34
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
MissMul :  I always knew I wanted a traditional catholic wedding, it’s important to my family and most importantly me.

I didn’t get a traditional diamond: I don’t think diamonds are valuable or rare. Love the look of a giant white stone so I went the moissy route. So I broke tradition and didn’t get diamonds.

I am also getting a blush dress: I have had my heart set on it since I saw my first blush gown on tv. I don’t like wearing white, and blush is just so me. I felt bad a tiny bit when I tried on white gowns but I ultimately decided that I need a non traditional dress color. 

I am also not wedding favors. I don’t feel they are a good use of money and would rather buy more food for guests than give sometime that they will forget or toss out anyway. 

I am also gonna see how long it takes someone to notice I’m not wearing shoes in the church…I hate wearing shoes. 

Post # 35
Member
742 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

MissMul :  I have always just thought most people stick to tradiations because of a lack of imagination personally. I went to I think 5 weddings last year and they were all the same. I can’t diferentiate any of them from another in my mind. Especially since 3 were in the same church and same reception hall. The men wore the exact same suits even! 

Non Traditional:
I have a morganite e-ring. I refused to even consider a diamond for so many reasons.
My dress is blush and tea length.
We’re getting married in a library.
We aren’t having flowers I’m making them out of books.
We’re having yard games for our reception entertainment and our photobooth is inside of a travel trailer.
We aren’t having bridesmaids and groomsmen, but an I Do Crew that will stand in a semicircle around us instead of these people on this side and these people on that. We don’t want there to be “sides” we’re coming together as a couple and want our wedding party to represent that. We think it’s silly that sides are divided at weddings.
The I Do Crew will also not walk down the isle, they’re going to come out from the side (there’s large pillars and bookshelves on both sides for them to walk out from).
We did bookmarks for Save The Dates which I designed myself.
I’m making the invitations myself as well, they will be little 12 page books with all the info from our wedding site (most of our wedding is family and 90% of them can’t figure out a computer). 
We’re doing a “cake boss” style cake that looks like a stack of books and not the typical teared cake.
I’m walking down the isle to “When The Right One Comes Along” and guest will be seated to the Hedwig’s theme from Harry Potter. 
No flower or garter toss because I don’t agree with the way they started. 
I’m not wearing a veil as I don’t need to be protected from demons and witches. 
We’re doing all of our pictures before the wedding and staying in the same house the night before. 
There won’t be any “who gives this woman” I’m 32 and have lived on my own since 17, no one is giving me to anyone. There also won’t be any “speak now or forever hold your peace”.
We are likely not doing any father/daughter or mother/son dances. SO isn’t close with his mom (and honestly I’d be shocked if she bothered to show up) and I’m not close with my dad. 

Also, wite wedding dresses are actually a fairly NEW tradiation as far as tradiations go. The first time someone noteable wore a white dress had nothing to do with purity at all. Queen Victoria actually wore the first noteable wedding dress in the 1800s. Before that women wore the nicest dress in their closet and royality wore metalic dresses with intricate beading. The white dress=purity is just one of the many things people believe that aren’t actually true (check out the website dedicate to this, it’s extremely interesting)!

The modern engagement ring is also a fairly new idea (check out the histroy, it’s pretty stomach churning). De Beers revolutionized dimond engagement rings with a marketing campaign in the 1940s after people had completely stopped buying jewelery during the depression.

Post # 36
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I was making a suggestion to my Fiance about the cake topper we might have, and he asked why we needed a cake topper anyway – I could only say that it was tradition, to which he pointed out that we’re skipping plenty of the others.

Fair play I don’t have an answer then!

Post # 37
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Historic Mansion

You shouldn’t have anyone telling you what to do because this is YOUR wedding (unless someone else is paying for it, then they should have a say in it) Have you ever heard of off beat bride? Go with what you want. My parents aren’t pressuring me to do anything traditional. They aren’t paying for it, plus I’m Jewish and my fiance is Catholic. So all my parents say is please don’t make your wedding religious for both sides.

I do like some traditional things though. I just don’t want to look back at my photos and my rings and say “what was I thinking” and regret it.

Post # 39
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Kind of off topic, but highly recommend checking out the book All Dressed in White: The Irresistable Rise of the American wedding..it’s such an eyeopener on traditions! Basically a lot of what we consider traditional now actually was created by marketing campaigns and how throughout the years the traditions evolve. After reading it I became so much less stressed on following mainstream wedding “traditions” and keeping to our family traditions 

Post # 40
Member
29 posts
Newbee

I hate tradition, and I have almost no family that I care to talk to. That being said, watch me still go full bridezilla and have a boring traditional wedding when I finally get around to planning this thing, lol.

Post # 41
Member
3324 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

We aren’t doing *too* many traditions.
We are having a (small) bridal party
We will do a first dance
We are doing a sit down dinner, probably short toasts
I’m debating a veil. I dislike the symbolism, but the photos do look pretty XD
I do have a diamond (I just love diamonds, would have been happy with anything)

I’m not wearing a white dress
I’m walking down the aisle solo/not being given away
Not getting married in a church
No wedding cake (mini pies)
Staying together the night before and doing a first look

Post # 42
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I can’t stand all the traditions you’re “supposed to” follow – it’s your wedding, you should be able to do whatever you want! If you want traditional and white and you love diamond rings, then that’s what you should have – but if you don’t like them, you shouldn’t get them just because other people tell you you have to. I have an emerald and yellow gold engagement ring because emeralds have always been my favourite, and I got my fiance his own engagement ring that also has emeralds and yellow gold to match – I want everyone to know he’s been claimed too! And he also wanted one 😀 I also got a dress that is almond colour over ivory, with pewter appliques – and I brought my fiance to the appointment when I tried my dress! I’m closer to him than anyone else (maybe equal to my sister) and it felt weird to me that I was going to keep the secret of my dress from him, only for him to see it for the first time along with everyone else attending the wedding – I had no regrets having a private wedding gown appointment with just me and him, so we had the moment all to ourselves the first time he saw me in it 🙂

I just say – do whatever you and your fiance want to do and what makes you happy!

Post # 43
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
iwanticecream :  What about looking at a black lace mantilla?

Post # 44
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

We are doing fairly tradtional, my dad wil walk me down the asile, first dance, I will take his last name and not 100% on the veil. But we aren’t doing a church cermony (gorgeous outdoor venue!!). Also we aren’t going to do a boquet/garter toss, but my Fiance is dutch and there is a tradition of passing a tiara to who you think will be married next (his sister passed it to us!) and I think it would be fun to do! I also LOVE the idea of a blush dress!

Post # 45
Member
17 posts
Newbee

If you want traditional then by all means do traditional. However if you don’t want traditional then do whatever makes you happy. I like to think of myself as untraditional. Here is everything I am doing untraditional:

• My engagement ring is a black onyx that takes up most of my ring finger.

• I am wearing a blush corset for my ceremony and changing into a black and cream corset for my reception.

• My wedding doesn’t start until 8 in the evening. I am doing a social hour with muffins and jucie. During this time all the pictures with family will be taken. Yes that means my groom is seeing me before I walk down the aisle. We are actually doing first look pics at 7 and then take our pictures together.

• I am having my brothers be my bridesmen. So I am having 3 girls and 2 boys stand by my side. 

• My bridesmaids are wearing dress pants and carrying an l.e.d candle. 

• I am having 3 flower girls and they are going to toss lace tatters instead of flowers. 

• Our actual ceremony starts at 9. We are having everyone sit at tables. So they can sit wherever they please. We are also having a reading of Edgar Allan Poe in the middle of our cermony. 

• We are having breakfast foods after the cermony because my fiancé and I love breakfast. We ditched the traditional wedding cake and we are doing donuts instead. 

• This is all taking place on a Friday night. 

I have certainly felt the pull to do some things more traditional. My mom who is helping me plan is very traditional. It drives her crazy that I am not being said traditional. I am doing what makes my fiancé and myself happy. That is all that really matters. 

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