- 5 years ago
This is my first post, been a lurker for a while, but since I’m not married (yet) I never really had the urge to post. Now I’d like to hear some opinions on this.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3.5 years, living together for two. Everything is great, but I’m still waiting for that proposal that will probably never come. My boyfriend is almost 32, I’m 28, and he has told me that I’m the one, that he’s sure about me and that he wants to be with me forever. We’ve talked about marriage several times- And basically he has always told me the same. He wouldn’t really mind to be married to me, but he doesn’t care about marriage, weddings and everything that goes along with it. He says that he doesn’t need a piece of paper to be with me forever. I’ve basically told him that I do want to get married and that it is important to me, and he said okay, but he needs more time. I dropped the topic for almost 12 months, hoping that no pressure would help him to make up his mind, and hoping that maybe I would get my proposal at one point. I did not. These past weeks, we’ve talked about it again. He basically told me the same again, I guess I was naive believing that he would change his mind if I just gave him time. He told me that he would marry me for health insurance and that stuff, but that it just isn’t important to him at all. That he finds rings and weddings ridiculous and doesn’t want any of these. So, basically he doesn’t say he’s totally against marrying me, but he seems to be only willing to marry me for practical reasons.
I don’t know, this got me thinking. Why do I want to get married? Why are so many of us so obsessed with getting married? Why is it a dealbreaker for many of us if a guy doesn’t want to get married? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to give up on the idea of getting married. I still want to get married, somehow it is important to me, but I’m just wondering- Why is it important to me? Has society taught me that as a woman, I should be married at a certain age? That I’m a failure if I’m older and not married? That if a man loves me, he will want to marry me? That if a man loves me, he will buy me a ring? I don’t know. Asking myself these questions, I’m not so sure anymore. I don’t think that a man doesn’t love you and want to be with you if he isn’t excited about getting married. I do feel the pressure from society though, and I dislike it. I also always felt that being married would give me some kind of protection, some feeling of security, as if marriage could protect me from a break-up or other bad things. Thinking about this, it is not true. Being married doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t break up as easily. Of course it will be more paperwork, but I doubt that someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship will stay in a relationship if he doesn’t want to only because he’s married. There are so many examples out there of couples who’ve been together for decades, not married. People we know, or celebrities. Why do I want marriage if what we have right now, is just wonderful? Our relationship is great and we’re happy, why do I still think I need a piece of paper that says we’re married, a wedding to show the world ‘Hey, we’re so in love’ and rings? I feel like the positive feeling I’ve always had about getting married and marriage doesn’t actually have any logical or rational reasons in real life.
I’d love to hear your opinion on this. Help me rationalizing why I actually want to get married. Are there even any rational or logical reasons that make sense? Why do we need this piece of paper and a wedding? Why change what is already great? Is it society’s pressure on women?