(Closed) Why are weddings such a big deal?

posted 11 years ago in Beehive
Post # 17
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I hear you! I don’t get why some people feel the need to spend ridiculous amounts of money on weddings when there are people who can barely pay their mortgage. If we wanted to we could have  really fancy wedding but why would we deliberatly spend thousands and thousands of dollars for an event everyone will soon forget about and really the only thing that matters is that we are married? I think there are a lot of people who feel like it’s a way to show off and be flashy(the people I know). Usually people with a lot of money. My cousin and her ex husband were dating for 9 years finally planned a wedding, a wedding well over 50K and she didn’t spare a single detail. However they were having relationship problems PRIOR to the wedding and after. Less than a year later after the wedding, they were filing for divorce. Like someone said before, your wedding day is the biggest day of your life until you experience married life together such as your first home purchase, the birth of your first child, the child going off to college, the child graduating college, the child getting married…you get it lol You can have a beautiful wedding for well under some of those astronomical prices that some people pay. I just feel like there are people who really take the meaning out of a wedding and turn it into a party. Don’t get me wrong though I’ve been to some really sweet, romantic weddings but I’m sorry I just can’t fathom having a huge wedding with guests you’ve met maybe once in your life or haven’t seen in 10 years.

Post # 18
Member
2206 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m with lillyfaith. When I have a dinner party, my linens are ironed. And I have dinner parties often. When I have a cocktail party, my spread of food and drinks is thought out and coordinated. When I coordinate a gathering at work, everyone’s dietary needs and comfort is considered. Playing hostess is about the only domestic role I like!

So this is my chance to play hostess writ large! And I love it. Not every moment, but when I actually think about the party I’m throwing, not the budget and the personal drama, I’m stoked.

I’ve been to plenty of the weddings that were quick, simple, fun affairs, and I love them. I’ve also been to the rent a hall, serve some cheap food, and party all night with 10 kegs receptions, and I loved those. I’ve been to the highly orchestrated, Matha Stewart -esque. I’ve been to lavish Indian weddings. I’ve been to a court house wedding. I loved them all! And mine will be different than every one of them, and it is only because I’m having a great time doing this.

Post # 19
Member
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

it’s funny that you mention the money thing, because for me it really wasn’t about spending a lot of money to impress people, but for my mom she was constantly saying, “we don’t want to look cheap!” i gave her a choice of 3 flowers (i couldn’t decide on my own) and she refused to pick the cheapest, even though they were very pretty, as if the guests were even going to know the price. but the whole time i was the opposite, trying to find the best deals and getting the cheapest things possible. in the end, everyone commented on how much they loved the personal touches (which i’m assuming is all of my handmade/diy items) and how the wedding was very “us,” not how expensive and lavish it was (because it wasn’t!).

Post # 20
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

To me, it’s about distance.  My partner and I live 3,000 miles from our families and most of his friends.  When we lived in NY, we lived 3,000 miles from most of my friends.  On either coast, everyone is very spread out.  This is one of the only opportunities we’ll have to get everyone together.

Additionally, we’re planning on doing a long distance wedding.  So a lot of planning is required to set up a list of venues to visit, coordinate everything from afar, etc.  And almost everyone will need notice to make travel plans, since no matter where we do it, most guests will have to travel.

But we don’t really care about centerpieces, flowers, fancy invitations, etc.  Just food and wine and beer. And music.  Maybe some liquor.  It’s about having a party worth travelling to, and a good time with friends we rarely see.

Post # 21
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think that wedding are such a big deal because they generate so much money for the multi-million dollar wedding industry. In America, where the $$$ is spent, that is where time and energy is focused.

Post # 22
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee

lilyfaith and monitajb hit the nail on the head for me. I throw parties where I consider the decor, invites, place settings and cocktail napkins, so why wouldn’t I do that in a larger scale for the most important day of our lives thus far?

And I kind of have to disagree with whomever said having kids was more important. That’s true in some respects, but assuming you’re having them with your husband/being a parent with him, having the husband had to come first, right?

Post # 23
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

To me, this sounds an awful lot like some of the other posts regarding budgets that had been on here recently. There seems to be the idea that because someone is spending a lot and having an extravagant wedding and reception, they’re ignoring their relationship with their Fiance, or their trying to make up for relationship flaws by having a big party, or they don’t understand that the marriage is what’s important and not just the big party. I don’t think that’s true, or fair to those who are throwing larger, more detailed/involved weddings.

I think weddings are a big deal because they are a concrete way to show to your Fiance and to others how important your relationship is. This isn’t to say that if you don’t have a large, expensive wedding that your relationship isn’t important to you–because I think that no matter what you spend/no matter how big a party it is, your wedding day is still going to be important to you and it will still be a representation of your love and committment. People just  have different ways of representing that love/committment, if that makes sense.

Post # 24
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Why a big wedding?

For us, there was no other option: when you come from a big family (where both our parents have MORE than 5 sibilings each . . . in some cases enough to start your own sports team!), excluding all second cousins that we don’t know . . . no other option but a big wedding.  Our ideal guestlist of 75 people = all family members, that wouldn’t be fun – so we needed to have our own friends and colleagues.  Then, BAM big wedding!

So for us, it’s not like our wedding is a big deal.  It’s a simply a number’s thing (as described above).  With a larger guest list – everything else grows too – the amount of food & drink you need, flowers, etc. . .

And, as another bee pointed it out, it’s rare that she gets to celebrate with all her friends and family.  For us, it’s the same thing – like my DJ said – our wedding is the only time in our lives where will we have all our family and friends there to celebrate!  So, we have our dancing shoes and are ready to party!!!

 

 

Post # 25
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Oh no! Silly me . . . I read the thread wrong, it says “Why are wedding such a big deal?”  Not “why are Big Weddings a big deal”!  Haha… I must have just seen big + wedding and skimmed through the posts.  Sorry! 🙂

Post # 26
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

@girlwitharing – I think lilyfaith and monitajb said it best.  There is something to be said for the pleasure of being a hostess.   As for the motivations of other people, I would point out that it’s possible to choose a venue or a menu item or paper product that communicates a theme and makes life easier for guests.  There may be times whent he former weighs more heavily than the latter, but that doesn’t necessarily translate into discomfort for guests or disregard for their feelings.

Reading through the blog, I’m always struck by the ways in which each Bee alters, tweaks and adjusts her vision for the sake of her guests.  Themes evolve over time or are abandoned when impractical, and I have to think that this must be the case for most other brides, too.

There seems to be a trend, as hillsy observed, of looking at the material and emotional outlay associated with a wedding as being in competition with one another.  As though a bride has a set number of “wedding points” that she must divide between aesthetics and feelings.  Two extra points for floral arrangements means two less for love of fiance!  It’s an inaccurate and unhelpful way of thinking about things, IMO, and puts people unnecessarily on the defensive. 

 

Post # 27
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I 100% agree with this, @teaandtoast: “There seems to be a trend, as hillsy observed, of looking at the material and emotional outlay associated with a wedding as being in competition with one another.  As though a bride has a set number of “wedding points” that she must divide between aesthetics and feelings.  Two extra points for floral arrangements means two less for love of fiance!  It’s an inaccurate and unhelpful way of thinking about things, IMO, and puts people unnecessarily on the defensive.”

Post # 28
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We are having a big wedding, because our friends and family (who are all extremely important to us) are spread around the world and this is kind of the one opportunity for them to all meet each other.  We feel like the wedding isn’t really about us or “our day,” as we have been living together fully committed to each other for seven years and already own an apartment together.  Rather, it is about our people- the uniting of two (huge) familes, our friends, and our community. And if you look at it that way- to our families, that is kind of a big deal.

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