(Closed) Why are woman ready to marry so much sooner than men?

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Im a biologist; so from a scientific standpoint, women are limited by their reproductive potential (we can only potentially have 1 child per year) whereas men can have thousands if they wish. Also, women’s reproductive “clock” ends way earlier than men’s. Of course, my answer doesnt take anything emotional into account, just purely science..

Post # 5
5959 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think it’s a combo of biological (ticking clock, biological advantage of having a committed mate) and social (women who get married “win” where as men who get married are “game over”) reasons.

I always think that the parallels between being ready for marriage and ready for sex are super interesting.  In our society usually men are ready for sex earlier and have to “wait” for their partner to be ready (generally I’m thinking of first time sex for a virgin).  Meanwhile, women are usually ready for marriage earlier and have to “wait” for their partner to be ready.  The frustrations of waiting in each case are pretty similar.  It’s interesting when you think about it.    

Ultimately men are programmed by biology and society to view having sex as winning.  Women are programmed by the same to view getting married as winning.


Post # 6
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Lol, I was going to give you the same straight up answer to your Question that MrsBtoBe14:  provided.  It is all biology…

And how we are hard-wired.

On the emotional side… what makes it so difficult to comprehend (reconcile) is the fact that we all think like women… and they all think like men

And because that is so, we somehow feel that they should see the world as we do… but they don’t

Again, pure biology

MY BEST ADVICE on this subject is to educate yourself on men… read up on them, come to an understanding of how they tick.  Afterall if you were going to bring a Puppy into your life… you’d just naturally read up on them, and learn all you could about their wants, needs, habits and quirks…

So start there… start reading up on how guys tick…

There are some excellent men writers out there who are writing books about men specifically for women (found in the relationship aisles at your local bookstore)

Some of my personal faves:

Greg Behrendt (of Sex & the City fame and “He’s Just Not That Into You”)

Dr Phil… several great books on men & women and relationships… but probably his best for most Bees would be “Love Smart ~ Find the one you want – Fix the one you got”


John Gray (of “Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus” fame)

But there are others… spend a couple hours reading one of their books and you’ll get a whole other perspective on how men think & feel

For one thing… It is about our Biology / Nature and how we differ to survive.  Men are Hunters (Women are Gathers).  So where we can keep a zillion bits of info in our head at once …. (where and when the best fruit is available for picking)… they are not able to do this to the same degree… they are far more focussed (also required for survival).  They can only handle a few things at once… as they had to be more atune to one specific task… stalking prey, listening for danger, and bringing home the kill (prize)

Hence where we can easily have a long term plan for life (a LIFE PLAN) all worked out in our Teens… men don’t usually even think about the need to do this until they are well into their 20s.  They just ride along on whatever happens more than we do… because as Gathers we need to KNOW when things were ripe.  As Hunters… they had to be prepared for whatever came their way… when it came along… there was no real “game” plan.  You just reacted when things lined up in your favour… and then the window of opportunity was short… so you better be in the right place at the right time.

Men are exactly like this in relationships as well.

They tend to let others do.  They only get serious if they feel there is an urgent reason to focus / change things towards their favour of being successful in getting the prize.

This is precisely WHY women need to focus more on ourselves and less on them overall.  Because they don’t see any reason to change anything when they are comfortable.  (Like the Hunter, it begins snowing, and suddenly there is an urgency to kill some animals so the skins can be used for warmth & shelter)

So it is with relationships…

They have to feel there is a sence of urgency in making a change.

Often that will come if a woman threatens to leave (not recommended… cause Ultimatums generally don’t work… and also men don’t generally take well to threats.)

But it can just as well come, if they feel that she is an incredible woman that could be in someone else’s line of fire… as men are very competitive.  Men like to come home with THE PRIZE they don’t like to lose it to another man.

Which is exactly WHY… Mr Bee’s Plan works (Sticky at the top of the Waiting Board) … if you are an INCREDIBLE WOMAN in his minds-eye then he’ll work hard so as not to lose you.

And in the process of discovering ourselves… we’ll also become better women…

Which will happen EVEN IF the guy is too stupid to catch on to all we have to offer them.

In which case WE will be the ones who will probably get bored and move on…

Not a bad thing… as we’ll have outgrown an immature man, and be looking for someone who is a tad more focussed on the prize (us)

What doesn’t work… ever

Is feeling sorry for ourselves.  Men don’t like respect women who are self focussed or driven (like they are… remember the bit where I said earlier where as women we don’t get them cause we look thru our own eyes… well the same is true for them… they look at us, thru their own eyes / understanding of how life works)

So that is the whole thing… we have to come to understand how they think, so we can use that information to our advantage

It is game playing (I never advise that)… BUT it is a way of levelling the playing field, cause you’ve read their play book.

No harm in that.

Hope this helps,

PS… NOW go out there and be the most incredible woman you can be (ala Mr Bee’s Plan).


Post # 7
9954 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO @cbgg:  good anology.

I’ve always said something similar…

Women get to decide WHEN and WHO they want to have sex and make children (totally in our control)

And Men get to decide WHEN and WHO they want to marry.

Us Women can do a lot of things… but we cannot force a man to fall in love with us… marry us. That is up to him and his FREE WILL

If a woman tricks a man into marriage… it works no better than if a man tricks a woman into sex.

Major Resentment !!

Both sexes have to come to their determination on WHEN and WHO these things are right with in their own good time.


Post # 8
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Maturity. I was told all through high school that girls matured faster than boys, and it seemed to be true. While the boys were goofing off, the girls were really serious about their grades! LOL.

Post # 8
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016 - Equestrian Estate

I’m in a similar situation to you – similar amount of time together, have been looking at rings/talking about marriage for few years. It’s so frustrating, and you’re not alone! I just made my first post as you said, feeling embaressed – to “complete strangers” on the internet but I can’t keep talking to my friends/family about it, it is embaressing lol!! I think Mr. Bees Plan B sounds good… keep oursleves busy and make them want us more! 😉 although it’s easier sad than done…

I see its been 6 months since your post, did you get a proposal yet?

Post # 9
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Women are conditioned to aspire to marriage and family.

Men are coditioned to aspire to success and wealth.

It’s a general blanket, but being general it does work. 


(Also being said, no, this is not absolutely true for everyone.)

Post # 10
110 posts
Blushing bee

Gendered imprinting and expectations. Apathy shaped by a failing economic system and lack of stability, combined with the reality that half of marriages fall apart (with emotional, legal, and financial consequences). My partner (who is a year younger than me) already speaks about marriage and children, and I never really thought about it as a possibility until recently.I most likely won’t be ready for a while, and certainly feel a lot of anxiety when faced with the stageist view of human sexu-social and personal development. What do I really want in relation to what is normative or expected of me as a woman? Will I feel like I have ‘lost out’ or ‘guilty’ if I don’t progress through these stages or, above all, miss this ‘biological window’ that supposedly defines a successful hetero-monogamous relationship?

Post # 11
2891 posts
Sugar bee

It wasn’t the case for us. I never wanted to get married. Fiance never thought about getting married before meeting me, but he realized he would like to get married soon into our relationship – not me. I was ready for serious commitment of course, but a wedding (a party) definitely wasn’t a priority in my life. Over time, we discussed our two legal options in the future : it was down to marriage contract or a common-law contract, both to protect each other in case of accident, death or separation. We decided that a wedding would be a once-in-a-lifetime event for us as well as for our family, a great pretext to reunite everybody and gather wonderful memories of people we love, while it wouldn’t have been the case if we simply went to the courthouse to sign papers. However, it was important to us that this event didn’t prevent us, because of its cost, from our ”real” life goals (such as our education, paying off our debts, purchasing a house, traveling around the world, retiring early, etc.). Getting this legal status and protection, to us, is just a step closer toward those goals. But I would have been perfectly happy without ever getting married. As long as we would have signed papers to protect each other. 😉

Post # 12
9549 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

My husband was ready well before me. More than a year before me. His brother was the exact same way – read abouy a year before his fiance was ready. Sure there are some biologic reasons, but there are also biologic reasons for having your kids in your teens and that has pretty much fallen out of favor. I think this stereotype is become less common as women are becoming more interested in their own careers. 

By The Way, he was also ready for kids before me.

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