(Closed) Why are women so afraid to tell their SO that they don't like the ring?

posted 4 years ago in Rings
Post # 16
Member
1939 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Because the ring is a symbol of promising to wed and spend the rest of your lives together it’s not too strange that some men find it difficult to separate being met with rejection of a certain style (which typically is all it is) and feeling like he himself and his Love is being rejected (which typically is not what it is about). Especially if he is not good at dealing with criticism he may take it extremely personal and get defensive. I guess women don’t say something to avoid hurting him or avoiding a fight. Only certain type of men will be that secure in themselves that they can admit they got it wrong and make it a Positive experience to fix it. As most things in life, it’s an attitude thing.

Post # 17
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

To me it’s like this:

“Hi darling, you know this symbol of our commitment to be married that you spent hours agonising over, gave the effort of saving up for a year and then nervously presented me with it when you proposed… I frickin’ hate it. Get me another.” 

I also think if it’s something like “I wanted 18ct rose gold but it’s 9ct rose gold” someone needs to build a bridge and get over it. If they hate the whole ring, then I guess it’s up to the person to whether they tell their fiancé or not. Personally I wouldn’t, because sentimentally that’s the ring he proposed with. 

I hardly think wanting to not hurt your SO feelings really affects a couples ability to make difficult decisions. 

Post # 18
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

because I love my fiance and unless there was legitimate reason (such as an expensive ring causing panic attacks or something that physically impeded the use of my hand) then I would NEVER crush him over pathetic little issue or style

frankly anyone who cares more about the ‘look’ than the thought, effort, love and their partners hard work and commitment really needs to evaluate their priorities in life

rejecting the ring is essentually rejecting or posponing the marraige because your fiance didnt do good enough… its like punishing a child and really petty, especially if you have never proposed – its far harder to propose than it is to be proposed too

 

to be honest from the otherside (and some I garantee has been though as much if not more than you in my relationship including homlessness, infertility, child loss and cancer) I would say YOU’RE the one whose going to hit difficulties down the line – the selfish attitude of ‘I deserve what I want’ regardless of the reasons/damage is NOT compatible with longterm marraige or any form of co-relationship

Post # 19
Member
1183 posts
Bumble bee

Because the ring is a symbol of love and commitment and generally even if the guys aren’t mind readers, they have a reasonable idea of our taste in jewelery over the years.

Sometimes I think endless ring pics, Pinterest and people mentally designing their perfect ring in their head has a lot to do with rings disappointment. Eg. How many threads on here are about clarity, cut, colour etc when women aren’t even engaged. They’re just waiting and hyping up their expectations for the proposal and ring? Then when it doesn’t match exactly what they want they end up happy to be engaged but slightly disappointed that it’s not exactly how they wanted it.

If women are that fussed about it being perfect they need to have an honest discussion with their man about wanting to choose the ring together. At least then the guy can’t get it massively wrong. Some women on here want a massive romantic surprise that’s exactly like they’ve planned it in their head and the poor guys can’t win there.

Maybewe’re a little understated in the UK but most engagement rings I’ve seen people with are simple and classic and you can’t go too wrong there. We also don’t have the same idea on upgrading rings etc 

Post # 21
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

It was hard but my fiancé asked me if liked it and I just told him the truth – I couldn’t lie. Was he hurt? Yes, and I felt terrible but I would have felt terrible about lying and I hated  everything about the ring. He ended up returning it and we picked out a new ring which both he and I love. 

Post # 22
Member
666 posts
Busy bee

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Cory_loves_this_girl :  
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aelicia :  
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peegee :  Exactly! My  FI is very sensitive and sentimental. I love him to pieces! We were literally on our way to look @/try on a solitare and came across my set. His thinking was its perfect b/c its so “me’ (and it is lol) and as I keep posting- he, like many men, like more blingier sets and finger coverage than we do because they want to see more sparkle for their dollar. I did tell him I would rather have the other so we agreed that he would get it in the future(I’m thinking a year or two) . Yes we deviated from my original request,yes I have two rings and my center stone is only 1/4 smaller than I wanted, yes I told him my feelings, yes he respects me and said (b4 I could,)”I know I have to get you another ring” I also want to point out that some of us have gotten the ring we designed or chose and was still unhappy…eh, IMO perhaps we should be careful um “painting with such broad strokes” and look at it on a case by case basis.

Post # 23
Member
1932 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Agreed. My DH would rather me tell him I don’t like it then post on here bitching  and whining about it.

My dislike for my original ring wasn’t even about style. A difference in style is almost acceptable. I wanted BIGGER. Sorry. Not sorry. I’d rather be a bitch for a minute and love my ring for life than polite and hate the thing.

I also think it depends on the dynamic of the relationship. The ring might not be that important to the bride so in that case it might just be easier to let it slide and an occasionable “I don’t like my ring” post is all she needs to get over it.

I’m sure we all let some things slide that woud be considered out of the question to one and completey acceptable to another.

Post # 24
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee

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WesterosBarbie :  You really hated your ring because the diamond wasn’t big enough? I would never in a million years tell my Fiance that the diamond he chose wasn’t big enough. 

Post # 25
Member
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2016 - Surfer\'s Beach, Grand Cayman

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MrsFuzzyFace :  Not all “men can handle it” though, I don’t know why there are so many generalizations about men on these threads lately. Men, are people and are all different.

Post # 26
Member
364 posts
Helper bee

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WesterosBarbie :  I get the whole ‘I want a bigger diamond’ thing. Some women specifically want a small, dainty ring. Others like big and blingy. It seems like quite a few men still go out and buy rings without any input from their girlfriends. Maybe your guy thinks you’d prefer something small and dainty and practical but in reality you’re ok wearing something bigger, that’s sits higher, that really stands out. And if money isn’t an issue, why not tell him how you feel and ask to exchange It for something bigger? I guess it really depends on the guy and if that’s something that would hurt his feelings or not. But if he just wants you to have something you really love and you know he’d be fine with the suggestion, then why not.

Post # 27
Member
471 posts
Helper bee

Easy way to avoid the whole issue is to pick out the ring together. 

Post # 29
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

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peegee :  well said… the OP says her boyfriend is fine with it but it doesnt mean evryone is and it doesnt mean people who are different are ‘wrong’ or will fail in life

example: being a heavily american forum im sure a lot of people on here are fine with hunting but in my social circle we a highly against it and as a country majority we campained (and won) to ban several types of hunting – just because one person is ‘OK’ with something doesnt mean everyone by default is OK with it, you husband is but one opinion

some men might want the woman to choose, some want to choose entirely themselves, some propose with no ring, some use a beloved heirloom etc… OPs husband might just not be sentimental but many are and that perfectly normal and acceptable

Post # 30
Member
1657 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I just went through a ‘I don’t love the ring experience’. Fiance got my ring custom made so I know it came from the heart etc but they made the setting really low. I’ve been engaged for almost 6 months and had been mulling over whether to say something or not, on and off until now.

Over this past weekend we were going to see our jeweller about making our wedding rings and before we went to see him I brought up that I think my ring would look nicer set and showed Fiance some images of what I meant. He loved the idea so we discussed it with the jeweller.

I told him I am fine with my ring and that I won’t make any changes without his blessing but that if it was in a store, it wouldn’t be my first choice as it is. He gave his blessing.

I’m paying for the changes with my Christmas bonus so it’s nothing to Fiance. 

Just gotta have tact I guess!

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