Post # 1
My Fiance and I recently got engaged, and I was thrilled at the thought of getting to plan a wedding with my mom. Since my sister had opted for a very non-traditional wedding, and Ma had bemoaned the lack of “wedding fun”, it seemed that she would be right on board with a wedding plan that involved all the giddy hoop-la. Well, turns out I was horribly wrong. Not only is she not on board with anything wedding-y, but she cannot understand why I would want a “big” wedding at all. We have had many conversations about it, and she is still struggling. She at least got less snippy about it after my Pa talked to her, but she still can’t bring herself to be excited for us and the big fun day we are planning.
Some points to note:
1) We have not asked for a cent of help from anyone, and plan on saving and paying for the wedding ourselves.
2) Our wedding won’t be big people wise (about 150 people MAX), but will be big budget-wise. We want a great party with great food, and a fancy feel.
3) The only point my mother has brought up as an explanation for her position is “Well I never wanted a big wedding, so I don’t understand why you want one.”
4) The argument “you could use the money for a house” doesn’t work, because we already have the money for a house. From my years of working and saving, I have enough squirreled away for a decent payment.
5) I work in a lucrative field, and Fiance is on his way to working in one, so clearly we are not going to be putting ourselves in a financial hole.
So, bees, help me! Why are you having a big wedding? Or, if you had one, how did it go? Anyone else having trouble getting their family on board?
Post # 3
I’m having a big wedding because our family is enormous. 7 brothers and sisters on my dad’s side, all with kids and grandkids, and 3 on my mom’s side. I’m close to all of my cousins, and we’re just going to have to make it work. Luckily, in the Lao culture, people who go to the Buddhist wedding give money, traditionally to pay for the wedding and help the young couple start their new life. The daytime “American” civil ceremony is something I’m paying for, to include all of our friends who might not be comfortable at the Buddhist wedding, and it’s a catered BBQ at a state park. The Buddhist ceremony will be at night, at a banquet restaurant, and the wedding gifts will more than cover the sit-down dinner and drinks.
This is going to be YOUR day. If your mom has issues with it, then maybe you should just start quietly planning it by yourself. She’ll come around. I’m excited for you–have FUN with it! (((hug)))
Post # 4
I’m having a big wedding. It’s about a 4 day affair and we’ll have about 120-130 people at the “main event”.
I’m having a big wedding simply because I want one! My fiance and I are paying for it ourselves, we already have a house and that’s pretty much it.
So the next time someone asks why do you need/want a big wedding. Simply say: BECAUSE I WANT ONE! But in your sweetest voice.
Enjoy it girlie!
Post # 5
I would never say this to anyone in real life but since we’re anonymous on weddingbee, we’re spending $120,000 on our wedding. My dad is paying for the wedding and this was the budget he so generously offered. If my dad had not offered to pay for the wedding, we could have thrown an equally lavish wedding, but I honestly don’t know if I would. I’m definitely more of a saver and, while we already own a home, I would feel like the money could be put to better use on a down payment for a home large enough for children one day, my MBA tuition in a couple years, etc. On the other hand, I am absolutely loving the process of planning this wedding.
Have you already talked about money with your mom? Is it possible to include her in the planning process without telling her how much you are spending on stuff? Showing her pictures of centerpieces and asking her opinion doesn’t mean having to mention you’re spending $10k on flowers, for example.
Post # 6
Congrats to you girsl! Thanks for responding.
My budget is actually fairly modest (well, on the scale of “big”), 20K ish…probably will end up getting stretched to 30K when all is said and done.
I have ended up simply doing wedding things on my own or with girlfriends who are into it. The problem is that any time I mention the wedding, my mom gets this pinched look on her face–even telling her about my love for Weddingbee sent her off on a rant!
And lets not forget how she trashtalked my FI’s hometown (where we are having the wedding, due to the fact that his ginormous famly is there) in front of him and his parents and declared that she would NEVER go there if she had the choice. (Incidentally, it’s LA….and she graduated UCLA and loved it, so we are all very confused about that.)
Post # 7
We’re having a big wedding because I come for a big Italian family and that’s what we do. hehe 🙂 I’ve three brothers and I’m the only girl, so everyone has been looking forward to a bride in the family. I’ve looked forward to being that very bride, too.
I married once before in a very small civil ceremony. We were going to have the big religious ceremony and reception about a year after, but I called it off and divorced as the guy was increasingly abusive.
Now, years later, I’ve the man of my dreams and we are finally having the big, beautiful wedding. We are very fortunate that my father is paying for it so we are helping to shop around and find the best deals for him and still be frugal about some things (centerpieces, favors, no “save-the-dates”, etc.) I paid for my own gown and will pay for other things that pertain to beauty that day. We’ll have about 120 people max and it is at a beautiful family owned winery nearby.