(Closed) "Why are you waiting so long?" Advice please.

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@onelovegal:  

I would just say, “FI and I realize that travel and vacation time can be expensive and inconvenient for a destination wedding, so we’d like our out of town guests to have plenty of notice.”

And seriously… Feb-Mar of 2014 is like 18 months… how is that long? They’re on crack. ๐Ÿ˜€ 

Post # 4
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

We put ours out for two years and then didn’t tell anyone until 18 months.  Our excuse is that we are inviting a lot of people from the UK and they needed time to save money and make travel plans.  We also remind them that since we’re paying for the wedding we needed more time to save up as well.

Post # 5
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I will be in the same situation in a few days… I would just say that we need to save!

Not everyone comes from money and many of us need a lot of time to save up.

I’m not looking forward to that question either ๐Ÿ™

Post # 6
Member
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Wow really? It’s only 18 months away… That’s not a long time. I have been engaged 9 months already and our wedding is February 2014. I got those comments but we had over 2 years of engagement. I’d just respond back to these people that 18 months is going to fly by, and it’s not that much longer than 12 months anyway. With more time to plan, your wedding will be even better! Also where I live venues book really fast so you need over a year anyway if you are picky about date and location.

Post # 7
Member
3305 posts
Sugar bee

I have an almost 20 month engagement…. Why so long? We needed to save. Saving money will always shut people up… Unless they plan to chip in!

Post # 8
Member
596 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

We just got engaged in August and we have the wedding date set for june 2014. 

 

1- financially, there’s no way we can pull off the wedding for next summer. 

2- i’m in my final year of grad school which involves an unpaid, year-long internship, mon-fri 7 hours a day. again, see #1

3- i want a beach destination wedding. as i’m going to be working in a school, it has to be over summer vacation, so we have june. 

 

all my Future Mother-In-Law has done is complain about why we are taking so long, etc etc. Mind you, she’s not assisting in anyway, whatsoever, with the cost of our wedding.

 

our standard response to everyone has been: Since Fiance and I are paying for the wedding on our own, we need some more time to save. (and then if i feel like being snarky to anyone who keeps nagging, i throw in: but if you’re willing to pay for everything, we’ll have it whenever!)

 

Post # 9
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We are also planning a Destination Wedding in Florida. We chose an 18 month engagement also.
I just told people that we want to give our guests as much time as possible to plan for the occasion and I get to spend the rest of my life with him anyways, so what’s the big rush?
For Fiance and I, we already live together, have joint bank accounts, etc. The only thing that is going to change on that day is my last name. All other aspects of our lives are already joined.

Post # 10
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We got engaged in May of this year and have set our wedding for June 21, 2014. I tell people the date and they go “oh twenty FOURTEEN!?” like I’m crazy for waiting THAT long. Our “excuses” (not really excuses because they’re our legitimate reasons) are the truth. We want time to save for our wedding without dipping into any of our current savings, and hopefully with as much overtime as possible so it doesn’t affect our current expenses. And, our venue was booked (most venues were in my area, actually) for ANY Saturday’s from mid April to October 2013. Also, I’m a student, so we also might mention that it works better with school for me.

We keep our replies simple by saying “gives us time to save”, “works better with school”, or “our venue was booked solid for 2013”. I totally get the frustration, but I’ve found that people who haven’t planned a wedding or flawlessly planned a wedding in a shorter period of time just don’t get the longer engagement. But no one can debate you if you just tell them the truth and keep it short, nonchalant, and friendly sounding like it’s no big deal. Because it isn’t a big deal!! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 11
Member
1063 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

i would just say with a smile on my face “yeah that’s one idea!” and if pressed i’d be like yea our plan works for us. people are so nosy with weddings! as is always the advice here, do what works for YOU!

Post # 12
Member
4014 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Its really not that long. People were saying something similar to us 10 months ago and its gone by SO fast. Now we have a little more than a year left!

I never really let those comments bother me, we’re paying for our own wedding and we wanted time to plan without the stress or lifestyle change, simple as that. It’s no one elses business and quite rude frankly when people think its okay to butt in with their opinions. Unless they plan on helping you pay for this wedding that they think should happen next year lol.

Post # 13
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@onelovegal:  

 

Kudos to you. You’re being smart. The good ol’ “We don’t believe in debt.” phrase, with a nice cheery smile works like a charm and usually puts people in their place.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 14
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I feel your pain! We’ve been engaged since July 2011, and we still haven’t even set a date yet. But it will likely be fall 2014 (or later, who knows?) because of financial reasons.

We get all the same questions you do: “Why are you waiting so long?”

Having been getting these questions for over a year now, it’s getting harder and harder to swallow my tongue and not spat out snarky replies like “Because we don’t really want to get married!” or “Because we didn’t have $10k (or whatever) just sitting around, and we aren’t lucky enough to have rich parents to whip it out either!”

Another (even more) annoying question that I often get for some reason is whenever I’m at a wedding and someone is aware that our engagement is super long, they will ask: “Are you taking notes?”  WTF… “Yes, I am living vicariously through this wedding and plan to have mine exactly like it.”

But, like everyone else, what I actually say is, “We’re saving up” and then immediately change the subject.

 

Post # 15
Member
488 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I wish I had that long to plan!!!  You are one smart cookie! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 16
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I just said “well where is 30 grand going to come from? You? hahaha yeah thought so.”

 

They laugh but they get it.

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