Post # 17
I’m not sure why it’s done that way, but it just is. I suppose I could have bought the girl’s dresses and paid for the tux rentals but that would be all they got. No other “thank you” gifts. I feel like some people would have a problem with that as well.
Post # 18
@Atalanta: I absolutely agree with you. Had I been the first in my group to get married, I think I would have tried to set the precedent for that. Of course, I turned out to be the last of my group to get married and having paid for so many dresses to be bridesmaids for all of my friends, I figured that’s just the norm in my group. Now that it’s my wedding, they’re all paying for their dresses, too. I tried to keep them as inexpensive as possible, and the dresses came in at around $140, which is a lot less than I’ve paid in the past!
Post # 19
I bought my bridesmaids their dresses in lieu of a gift because if I were a bridesmaid, I’d definitely rather my dress bought for me! It helps with the cost of being a bridesmaid A LOT! That being said, I have strong familial ties to Ireland (I’m first gen. Canadian on my dad’s side), so maybe that’s where my opinion comes from?
Post # 20
me too. Thought I was the only person in the world. And I literally mean a card too.
Post # 21
I feel bad about asking my BMs to pay for their dresses but I was very careful with them and gave them a lot of say – they were all willing to spend much more than I expected (or asked) and in the end the dresses were reasonable and styles of their own choosing.
I fully expect that I’ll be doing the same for them soon enough. (Actually, for one of them, I’m going to be spending about $4000 on flights to be in her wedding – they’re picking up the tab for the hotel and dresses)
ETA – and I do expect a CARD from my BMs but I mean a CARD not code for money. I expect a card from everyone at my wedding – I don’t care if it’s empty or has $1000 in it, I want the cards with the well wishes.
Post # 22
Of course you’re allowed to feel your feelings and I don’t want to thread jack – i’m just not attached to cards and I feel like if your friend is your Bridesmaid or Best Man then it’s already understood that she’s a good person and that she wishes you well. A material item, such as a card, though nice to have, wouldn’t make me upset if she didn’t give one.
Am I supposed to take it to mean she doesn’t care about me? Does missing a card undo all that good? Can a card makeup for terrible behavior? What power does this card have? I just feel like it’s searching for a reasont to be upset about something. But, again, I just don’t feel like cards are all that important so it’s natural that I don’t “get it”
Post # 23
totally agree about the gift, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen 150 dollar gift, it usually is just a mani-pedi andyways…
Post # 24
I think the UK tradition of buying the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses is really nice, but I’m also OK with the US tradition of the Bridesmaid or Best Man buying their own. I’m having 3 bridesmaids, and I’ve stood up in two weddings, so if my cousin invites me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man for her wedding this Autumn, I will even out my Bridesmaid or Best Man dress karma.
Post # 25
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
Actually, she turned out to be a really awful person who was extremely self-absorbed and has pushed all of her friends away and honestly was not happy for me for getting married and was instead extremely jealous and bitter. Her not giving me a card was a symptom of her general thoughtlessness and self-centeredness. She also never thanked my mother for taking her out for two very expensive dinners the evening before my bridal shower and the evening of or for lunch the day before the wedding. And, she had no problem making ridiculous demands about what we should serve, what color dresses I should choose for the BMs, what shoes they should all
Post # 26
Is it customary for the Bridal Party to get gifts from the groom/bride in Ireland or UK?
Post # 27
That’s good. But most often I don’t think it evens out so well lol.
Post # 28
For me it just made more sense. I let them pick their own dresses, so for me to pay, they would have had to buy the dress and then tell me how much it was and then I would have written them a check. And I probably would have had to give them a price limit that I could pay, so that would have limited their options (though the dresses the picked were all fairly modestly priced, some more than others). I thought about it, but thought it was easier to just leave it up to them.
Post # 29
I’m with you. It makes no sense to ask my friends to spend money on a dress they may or may not like so they can have the “honor” of matching each other at my wedding. One of the many reasons I am not having any bridesmaids. I find the whole concept off-putting.
Post # 30
The BM? Yeah, it is customary. The bride pretty much pays for everything but also gives a gift. That’s why people only have 1-3 bm’s!
Post # 31
Oh, yeah, I know. I have a friend who has been in 6-8 weddings. It’s insane! I’ve started asking her about her 27 dresses.