(Closed) Why can’t DH cook PROPERLY?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Lol I can’t tell you how to fix it, I can only commiserate and tell you what I did: decide to cook everything myself. I used to get really upset/annoyed too because he’d say he was going to cook but then it wouldn’t be good and I’d feel like… why cook if you’re not going to do it right? We got into a big fight once because he wanted to make me lasagna. But he brought over non no-cook noodles with 1/2 jar of sauce, 1 cup of cheese. like um… this does not a lasagna make. And I didn’t see it while he was doing it so i go in to look at it and its this sad little flat thing and I was like um… did you not notice that this didn’t look right? And he said he thought it would “cook up” (rise) like baked goods do. haha. 

Basically what I figured out is: I ONLY want to eat food that i think tastes good and is prepared well. And he doesn’t know how to prepare food in a way that meets that standard. So I do all of our cooking. He does all of the cleaning up and he does all of the yard work. I’m okay with this split because its just easy and not stressful. I have control of the situation. 

Post # 4
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Oh, wow I’m sorry! That can’t be fun to deal with, haha! Lucky for me, Mr. Cardigan is a GREAT cook (he taught me most of what I know!) but I’d be very frustrated too! Have you tried cooking WITH him? That could be an easy way to show him how to do it without being too bossy, haha 🙂

Post # 5
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I agree with cardigan!  My Fiance loves to cook and I am in the same boat as your Fiance…ok maybe not quite so bad.  I know how to do things in the kitchen, but I get easily frustrated.  I feel better when my Fiance asks me to do something and then helps me do it the easiest way.  Otherwise I will do something, he will try to correct what I am doing, and then I get mad and don’t want to cook anymore!  

Post # 6
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

My husband used to get mad when I tried to show him how to cook things, so I tried changing my approach and it worked wonders.  I found out that he was getting angry because he thought that I was trying to show him MY way when really I was trying to show him the RIGHT way.  Now when I show him stuff I explain why I do it a certain way and how it yields certain results.  He is a very results-driven thinker and I think that that helped him understand the cause-effect elements of cooking.  It also helped that we got a subscription to a cooking magazine that offers very simple recipes that he can easily follow.  We also spent a lot of time cooking together so that I could show him things as we were cooking.  It was a nice way to spend time and get him up to speed with cooking skills.

Post # 7
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Well this might not be an option right now as Mighty Baby probably takes up all of your time.. but what about signing up for a cooking class together?  I know Whole Foods hosts them at some of their locations.. and I’m sure there are tons of other options.  Sometimes men just have to hear it from someone else because they simply can’t believe that their wife might actually know what she’s talking about.

Post # 8
2821 posts
Sugar bee

My hubs was the cook in the family but I have slowly started to learn.  I think you probably have to go through some crummy meals before you get rewarded with a cook. 

I’d try to either preemptively tell him things- sure it might annoy him but at least he’ll know, buy a recipe book for him if he’ll read it, have a friend email him ‘recipies’ or ideas or something.

Post # 9
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Story of my life!  Ok, not of my entire life but for the past 7 years.  My Fiance rarely offers to cook, but when he does, its a struggle not to say, “no thanks, I got it”.  Because he does things, as I like to call it “ass-backwards” and it takes him FOREVER to even do something with minimal preparation.  Ugh.  His idea of an elaborate meal is usually just making shrimp alfredo.  So, he dumps frozen shrimp in alfredo sauce and he adds some pepper and garlic powder to the sauce, gourmet quality stuff huh?  He’s gotta a lotta heart but he can’t hack it in the kitchen.  At least he’s appreciative of the fact that I often cook for him! 

Post # 10
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Ummmm… that person that doesn’t know how to properly cook is me… Eeek.

I am in the same boat but on the opposite side.  I tell my husband that if he wants it cooked his way than he has to cook.  I think I cook perfectly fine but its not his way of doing things (not as bad as the lasagna though).  For example, he always seasons his meats etc and I just thow it in the pan to cook for a while.  Mostly because I don’t really care taste wise if its seasoned or not. 

We try to agree on certain things that actually make a difference.  For example, he can’t stand if I use powder garlic, so I make sure to take the time and cut it up fresh for him.  Some stuff though its just difference in cooking style and we agree to disagree. 

Post # 11
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Leave the cooking channel on 24/7. Make him sit. Make hm watch. Force him to learn.

Or make fun of him for being incompetent =]

Post # 12
624 posts
Busy bee

My Darling Husband has offered to step in and cook some meals.  It’s been different because I’m usually the one working but when he’s doing it, I have no idea what to do.  I’ve tried letting him do it on his own but if I’m around, I’ll say “Would you like a tip?” and if he says yes, then I go ahead and tell him.  If he says no, I don’t.

I think that being out of the room while he cooks may help some.  That way you don’t see what he isn’t doing!  Maybe they will learn on their own?

Post # 13
185 posts
Blushing bee

How about buying/using a grill?  Grilling is not hard to learn and can create some really good meals.  Now, I have to admit, I’m primarily a meet/veggie eater, so this works/is preferable to me.  4ish days a week, we pick out a meat and a veggie and just marinate them and throw them on the grill.  So tasty and healthy, and it is always a quick clean up.  Maybe you can cook the more intricate dishes and have him grill during the other days? 

My other suggestion is to buy a cookbook for him/the two of you.  Recipes, when followed, usually result in pretty yummy food.  Maybe he is just inexperienced.  On the bright side, at least he made an effort:)

Post # 14
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I’m fortunate in that my fiance is a good cook and I consider myself a pretty good one too. But, by cooking together, we’ve both learned a lot. We’ve both taught each other things we didn’t know and also learned things that were new to both of us.

Telling him he isn’t doing things right is probably not going to be very helpful. You might need to get to the point where you are both comfortable working together in the kitchen before you start giving too much advice. How about cooking together from recipes for a while? You could even pick things that you think will involve skills that doesn’t yet have so that the “advice” comes more from the recipe than for you.

Post # 15
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I second the cooking class idea. But, make it a fun go-together thing or he might not want to bother. I’d get annoyed if Fiance tried to tell me how to cook, and vice versa. No one likes to be told how to do something. In a class your goal is to learn from a professional.

Post # 16
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

LOL…even though hubs can cook, he always annoys me with HOW he cooks…lol…he used to burn his meals saying they cook faster if you put the burner on “high/9″…OMG it used to irk me soooooo much! I would tell hem, food usually cooks properly when the temp slow rises…he finally got the hang of it like last week and now he tells me his “new cooking technique”…”you know, it cooks much better at a lower temperature honey”…LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

I would give him some time…i’m guessing he’s doing this because you have mightybaby right now right? give him some tips and let him burn a couple of meals, then order takeout/pizza…he’ll get the hang of it eventually…lol

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