- 4 years ago
- Wedding: August 2015
Ok, I have to vent here. FI and I have been discussing what to do for Thanksgiving. We’ve been long distance for most of our relationship and we’ve always spent holidays apart with our respective families. Now that we’re engaged, I want us to spend holidays together. It’s very important to me that we start to truly have a life together and create our own family.
His mom is having a lot of issues with him getting married. She’s consistently rude and unwelcoming to me, and she actively tries to come of with reasons why we shouldn’t get married/why I’m not good enough. She basically views me as stealing away her baby boy. I knew the holiday thing would end up being problem. So, we talked about this and agreed that we need to set a precedent that from now on we’re spending our holidays together, and that he should invite his family to come to my family’s house for Thanksgiving.
Just to give some more details, his sister and I live in the same city, my parents live about an hour from me, FI lives in Boston about 4 hours away from my parents but 6 hours away from his, my sister lives about 40 minutes from my parents, and his parents live about 6 hours away from my parents. My family is VERY into food, his family is not, my parents have enough guest rooms for everyone, his parents do not, plus my sister has two small children, so it’s much more practical for his parents to travel than for my family, plus me, plus his sister to travel to his parents. And, honestly, his mom is such a huge jerk that I don’t want to stay in her home. I made sure to clear with his sister (we get along very well and see each other about once a month) that she would be fine with this, and she thought it was a great idea.
So, today FI calls his parents and asks if they would like to come down and spend Thanksgiving with my family. They respond that they’ll have to see but aren’t sure that they’ll be able to do that. Then his mom says, “But if we can’t, then you’re spending Thanksgiving with TGold and her family?” AND FI SAYS NO, HE WILL SPEND IT WITH THEM! EVEN THOUGH WE AGREED BEFOREHAND THAT WE WERE SPENDING THANKSGIVING TOGETHER! ARG!
I am just so mad. We had a good, long talk about it and I basically said, “You asked me to marry you. That means we’re starting a life together. If when push comes to shove you’re always going to choose your parents over me, we can’t get married.” That seemed to put things in perspective for him and he agreed with me, but I am still upset and hurt. I understand that he wants to spend time with his family, but it can’t be at the expense of our relationship. My view is that we will try to include them in our lives, and it’s their decision if they are or not. But we cannot base our life and our decisions on what they choose to do. FI hates confrontation and keeps trying to brush it off and wait to see what his parents’ decision is, but I cannot let this go. The issue for me isn’t whether or not his parents come to Thanksgiving, it’s that he basically betrayed me by telling them he would go to them.
It’s like whenever his parents are involved in something our relationship is terrible, but in every other way our relationship is amazing. He just can’t stop himself from trying to please his mom, and it needs to end.