- 10 months ago
- Wedding: May 2017
I’ve needed to talk to someone about this for quite some time, just to vent more than anything. This is a long story, so please bear with me. TL;DR version at the end.
I had a friend, we will call her Jane. Her mother and my mother were best friends when we were born, so naturally her and I were very close since we were born 6 months apart. Her mom babysat me while my mom worked, so I was very close to her and her family. We did so many things togehter – family outings together, trips together, had the matching outfits, best friends bracelets, and the whole 9 yards.
In grade school, Jane’s dad got a job offer out of state they couldn’t turn down, so they moved away. This was hard on us all, but we still kept in contact, and still visited each other a few times a year. Each summer, I would spend a week at Jane’s house, and she would spend a week at my house. Some of my best childhood memories were during these two weeks of the summer. It seemed like we went through the same things at the same time – first loves, first hearbreaks, an eating disorder, accomplishments, etc. It was strange how much we still had in common, despite the distance.
Once I graduated high school, I decided to go to a university about an hour away from my hometown (and the town Jane had previously lived in). She called to tell me that she had met a guy, and she would soon be moving to be with him. Guess where the guy lived? The same town I was moving to for school. We were both so excited that we were going to be close again!
During this time, we grew even closer. We went from only seeing each other a few times a year, to being able to see each other a few times a week. It was so great having my lifelong best friend in the same town as me. We were able to be there for each other in person, rather than via telephone or email. Her and the guy ended up breaking up, but she stayed in town. I was so glad she stayed. She then ended up meeting my boyfriend (at the time)’s brother, who I told her to stay away from. He was bad news, and treated women horribly. She didn’t listen, and he treated her awful. That lasted a few months, and once she finally caught him cheating, I was there for her to help her get through it. On my 22nd birthday, I went to her house and she had gotten me a bottle of wine with a card that said how I was her best friend and that she cherished our friendship more than I could ever imagine. She told me there was no way she could have made it through the last few years without me by her side. We drank the wine, reminisced on our past, and had a good night.
That was the last day I ever saw her, over 5 years ago. She moved back to the state her family lived in without telling me. I tried contacting her, and found out months later that she changed her phone number. Her and the ex (my boyfriends brother) still dated some on and off, even though he was the reason she moved and changed her number. When that boyfriend and I broke up, he and his brother showed up at my apartment drunk, and his brother actually put his hands on me. i told him I hoped that Jane found someone better and moved on from him, and he told me he’d make sure I was the one she moved on from.
It’s been 5 years, and she’s crept back in my life very briefly a few times. The first was by following me on instagram and commenting on my pictures saying she missed me. She then got engaged and I congratulated her on instagram (still didn’t have her phone number,and this was before IG had a DM feature), she then blocked contact from me. Next I tried contacting her mother because this also hurt my mom since they had been good friends. Her mother told me I should know what I did and that it was not her place to tell me, but that she would tell Jane I called. This really upset me, because I was always a great friend to her. She did some crappy things to me over the years, but I forgave her because she was my best friend.
Jane got married then divorced. I accepted that our friendship was over because if she had any desire to continue our friendship, she would have contacted me during these big life events.
This was something I spent some time talking to my counselor about, because I just wanted closure – I wanted to know what I did to her (or what she made up and told her mom I did to her). My conselor suggested that I write her a letter or a message. I didn’t have her address, so I sent her a message on pinterest (the only social media she had at this point). She didn’t respond, so I tried to forget it. 6 months later, she responded and told me how much she missed me and that she wanted me to be a part of her life and her son’s life (who she was pregnant with). She apologized for hurting me, told me she still loves me and that she will explain everything, but wants it to be a conversation over the phone rather than messaging. We chatted via text for a few days, then I asked to talk on the phone. She said she would call me the next evening, and nothing. No response to texts, no answering my calls. Ghosted me once again.
Two years went by and my Darling Husband and I got engaged. After my wedding shower, I drove by her old house and kept thinking about her and her family. I sent her a short text and told her I hoped she was doing well. She responded, saying she was pregnant with her second child and that she wanted to talk. We chatted again for a few days, she had her baby and told me about it, then nothing again..until the morning of my wedding.
She sent me a long message early on my wedding day, telling me how happy she was for me and that she hoped my day was special and that it will be the best day of my life and that she loves me and cant wait to tell her kids about our friendship and that she hopes one day we can meet up. I lost it. She was the one person I talked about my wedding with as a child. The one person that at one point knew everything about me. The one person that I always imagined would be by my side as I said I do. And she wasn’t there.
My wedding was 5 months ago and I still haven’t heard from her again (I responded after our honeymoon). There are some nights that I just keep thinking about what went wrong and try to think of anything I could have done to hurt her. I’ve prayed about it a lot, and I’ve tried to just forget it. But as soon as I start to forget about it, something makes me think of her and it starts over. Every childhood memory I have, she is tied to, so it’s hard to not think about her and her family. I just don’t get why I can’t let it go. It’s not even that I want a friendship with her again (she’s hurt me too much for things to ever be the same) – I just want that closure to know WHY.
TL;DR – Friend since birth ghosts me after telling me she cherishes our friendship. Appears in my life randomly, until I ask her why she gosted me. At that point she ghosts me again. She’s done this 3 or 4 times over the last 5 years. She texted me on our wedding day telling me how happy she was for me and how much she loved and missed me, then ghosted me again. I haven’t been able to let it go and I’m not really sure why.
ETA: I also have no idea how she found out when my wedding date was. I did not tell her when I was getting married, only that I was engaged. She does not have facebook, and none of her family does. All of my facebook and social media accounts are completely private, and I do not accept anyone’s requests that I do not know, so there’s no way she has a fake account. I’m not social media friends with anyone that could have shared this info with her.