(Closed) why cant things just be easy

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
7081 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Mrs T- I think we’ve all had some incredibly stressful moments!  I’m sorry you are going through some now.

First, with MILs I think it is wise to let your fiance run interference here.  It’s not fair for you to be set in opposition.  Are they paying for the wedding?  If they are, you are going to have to give up some control, but if not you’ve got a lot more flexibility.

As for Maid/Matron of Honor, I think it is awfully sweet of you to consider paying for her dress.  I would have a discussion with her about it, but to be honest, it’s not that surprising that there wasn’t a lot of forethought on spending… and it’s hard to know what is more important to another individual at a given time.

When I encountered rocky times, I’d often take a break for a few days.  I know it feels like May is hurtling at you, but there’s still time to take a short breather.  I’m sending good thoughts your way!

Post # 4
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

God, I’m feeling the exact same thing.  My wedding is 3 days away, and people are still calling me demanding certain things.  My sister in law, who is the mother of my niece and flower girl wanting the girl to wear certain things.  My groomsmen just got their tuxes 2 days away.  One of my bridesmaids can’t bear to part with her fiance for one night to come stay with me the night before the wedding.  All of this is happening at the very last minute!  I’ve gotten to the point where I just tell people to stick to the original plan and that they just have to deal with it.  You can’t please everyone. 

Post # 5
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I agree with doctorgirl…you need your fiancee’s help right now. If she has strong opinions, maybe it would be better for her to tell him, who can then tell you. He can find a way to word it better, because it’s his mother, but maybe something like "hearing all these ideas is stressing Mrs. T out. Can you talk about them with me?"

Also, let your mom know that you’d really like her help in planning this, every step of the way. I got in a big argument with my mom because she wasn’t going to come to the 2nd dress fitting because she though I didn’t need her to. She wasn’t doing it to hurt me, she just didn’t understand how important it was to me to have her there.

Post # 6
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

So sorry to hear your situation.  We know how to deal with our own parents, but MILs are a new animal!  I agree with the above posters that you need to enlist your FH’s help!  This wedding is for the two of you and if anyone has the "right" to be pushy it is your mom!  He needs to talk to her and you need to stop responding to her — grab ahold of those reigns!

 Good luck!

Post # 7
18 posts
  • Wedding: December 1969

I too am having terrible in-law problems.  I see so many people that have decent relationships with their in-laws and it makes me sad that I don’t have that.  My Future Mother-In-Law in particular has been a monster and her daughter has been a mini monster.  I have not explanation for it or consolation for you, other than to let you know that at least a few of us are experiencing similar emotions.  Hope it all works out for you, I’m sure your day will be special. 🙂

Post # 8
45 posts
  • Wedding: June 2010

Why can’t things be easy?  Because it’s a wedding.  🙂

 I’m having issues with my mom and my Mother-In-Law.  Mom is the one pushing tuxedos on everyone while Mother-In-Law is trying to make it a barefoot on the beach ceremony.  If she isn’t contributing financially in a major way, then she needs to back off and I agree getting the fiance involved is a great call.   

If she is ponying up the funds, then I’d tie her money to some specific aspects of the wedding and give her more say there.  This might cut down on the constant barrage of ideas.

It’s great that people are enthusiastic but there’s one type of person who is all WEDDINGS?  I LOVE WEDDINGS.  THIS IS HOW YOUR WEDDING SHOULD BE! to which I’m always tempted to snarkily tell them to live vicariously through TV or the Sims or something and not through me! 

Post # 9
140 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

sounds a lot like my wedding. I made it thru it but it was really difficult at times because if it is your husband’s family you don’t want to offend them and you have harder time saying no. 

My mother in law had even nerves to pick out a banquet hall for us and put the money down on it without telling us about it and without us seeing it first. So that pretty much pushed me over the edge. First what you need is to have your husband stand up for you and keep saying US, as in YOU and HIM, even tho it might not be him picking the flowers. If it matters to you, he is the one that should stand up to his mother. Second, you will notice that with time it will be just much easier and pleasant experience to just decide on things yourself. That’s something I did quite a lot at the end. It was just easier to pick the linens myself and say "don’t worry about it I got it covered, it’s already paid for", or "i already ordered it". If you feel like she absolutely needs to be included once a while bring her a picture or a sample of 3 things that you like and have her decided on one thing. That should make her feel more wanted. In the end my mother in law and her sister, after ideas of cooking for 200 people, sawing my linens and custom ordering my dress did not even have time to help in setting up the hall before the wedding. The moral of the story is that you should just do your own thing. Keep listening, smile and do whatever you have to do yourself. Good Luck!

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