(Closed) Why can't you be happy for me?? (long sorry)

posted 6 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 3
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

No matter your age there’s no guarantees an anyones relationship, young or old, been together 6 weeks or 6 years, etc. It seems like you have several things going for you both so it could be a long loving marriage. Whatever the senerio someone will have something to say about something, it seems theres no pleasing anyone.

You 2 know what’s in your heart and what you want so I’d try to keep a smile and say something like “I appreciate your concern but this is what we want”. Just keep positive.

Post # 5
Member
3152 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I think one of the things many people gain as they grow older is the ability to worry less about other people’s opinions about their relationship. Blow off the comments (without petulance or defensiveness) and prove them wrong. Don’t respond to the negativity. I have found that the more you allow others to have an opinion, the more opinions they will have. 

And I’d even go as far as to say stop explaining yourselves. It doesn’t matter your circumstances- this is what you’re doing. All the explanation comes off as defensive.  

Post # 6
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee

Stay strong girl. I know it seems hard, but just keep listening to your heart, and before you know it, all the family drama is past. No matter who you are, people are always going to try and put you down (intentional or not). Your family just loves you, and they always will. But maybe you could ask for the sake of your enjoyment of being engaged, that they stop asking you that sort of stuff.

Post # 7
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I got married at 20 and was married for 20 years.  Now, granted, we then divorced.  But it was very amicable and we are very good friends and co-parents of our three sons.  I don’t feel our time together was wasted at all.  My relationship with him and the things we faced helped to make me who I am today.  I do remember all the negative “you’re too young” comments we received.  Even our photographer told me that!  It’s not as though I was going to say, “Oh!  I’m only 20?!  You’re right! Wedding’s off.”  After I got married I made it a point to always be positive when people told me they were engaged.  I often had them respond by thanking me, since most people only told them stories about how hard marriage is.  Sometimes I think some people are so unhappy they just enjoy predicting unhappiness for others.  If you know he’s the one, be happy.  I know many people who married young and have had long, happy marriages.  (And many who married older and did not!)  If no one can be happy for you, be happy for yourself!  Grab your Fiance and celebrate the bond you have.  Congratulations on your engagement!

Post # 9
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

I don’t neccassarily see the fact that you have gone through lots of negative life experiences together as a good thing. It’s easy to bond through a time of trouble and see past the flaws when things are tough and you have nobody else to support you. My ex  and I understood eachother because of his depression problems and things he had gone through similar to you. However when things in our lives got better we realized that when things were good we didn’t have as much in common.

I’m not saying that you’re not right for eachother, I’m a total stranger and could never know that! It’s just that people I know that have had a tough life early often revert to less ‘mature’ behaviour as they get older so I don’t see your backstory as a good reason to get married young. I’m not saying there aren’t good reasons to get married at 20, there are! Just your reasoning seems like more like challenges to a relationship than strenghts. 

Post # 10
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You two have been through so much togethere and you’re still able to withstand all the struggles together. My sister got married at 19 and I’m currently 23 and will be getting married in June 2013. I still get the whole “are you sure you’re ready?” and “You’re too young to get married” all the time.. and sad part is, I’m financially stable. I’m ready. I’ve been with the Fiance for over 4.5 years and he’s the one. My mom’s pretty much still in denile that i’m getting married soon and everyone else is kind of just “eh” .. the younger ones are happy, but all the older family members aren’t too thrilled that I’m already getting married. It’s sad, but if you feel like you’re ready, go for it! Don’t let the negativity around you stop you guys.

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