Post # 1
So, I’m one of 3 children, and I have 2 brothers. My older brother is married to a wonderful woman who I am proud to call my SIL. They have two beautiful children. My younger brother is also engaged to be married to a wonderful woman who I am excited to be able to call my SIL in a little over a year. My husband, my siblings and their significant others get along fabulously. I couldn’t ask for more when it comes to our relationship.
My mom is a different story. She’s very controlling – always wants to know exactly what we’re doing in our lives and gets insanely jealous when she isn’t included in things. She has ruined every significant event in our lives by getting offended by something or someone – and usually the trigger is something so small an insignificant that I’m almost embarrassed to tell other people WHY my mom gets so upset with us. My poor dad is just someone who goes with the flow – very quiet and reserved and just tries to keep the peace so that his life at home isn’t a living hell with my mom.
I have to wonder what has made her this way, and why she can’t ever be happy. I look at how the 3 of us turned out…we’ve all gone to college and have successful jobs. My brother has his two very beautiful children who are well behaved, yet my mom seems offended by everything we do. We all take comfort in each other knowing that my mom is just crazy, but I just don’t understand why she can’t just be happy?!?
Sorry…I know I’m not really asking for any advice in this post…it’s more of just a vent for me to get it off my chest. I might even just need to know that I’m not alone out there with a crazy controling mother who thinks the world revolves around her.
Post # 3
First: You’re not alone. I finished Undergrad in 3 years and got a “So now what are you going to do?”from my step-dad. (He is the equivalent of your mom I guess.)
I think it’s just a personality thing. None of us think the same way he does, so he feels misunderstood and we’re the “bad guys.” I’ve just stopped caring. If he’s going to be moody or judgmental we all collectively roll our eyes and keep going on with our plans. He was a stick in the mud about my wedding (still is. he thinks they are pointless wastes of money.) Meh. I’m an adult and will do what I want, sorry if it offends you for some unknown reason. :p
Post # 4
Sorry to hear that about your mom. It sounds like the rest of your family is really great though; you’re lucky you have such great siblings and in-laws!
Post # 5
@AmeliaBedelia: That’s exactly how she is. She’s always the victim to how her horrible children treat her. We apparently treat her so awfully that “the hurt” is constantly there. It’s like WTF are you talking about mom?? What in the world did we do?
@Pomapoo: You are 100% right! I am SO very lucky to have such a great dynamic with my siblings, and I wouldn’t trade that for the world. I guess being lucky on that front makes me a little unlucky on the other side.
The sad thing is, when my mom isn’t treating us like crap, she’s a lot of fun to be around when she’s normal. It just makes me sad when I see my friends who have a “normal” parent child relationship and have parents who let their children live their lives. My mom is still stuck trying to control ours.
Post # 6
@2PeasinaPod: Some parents just never get over the controlling aspect. It’s not that uncommon really, but it does suck! I always felt like I had to live up to some unknown expectation and eventually realized that nothing made him happy and that’s, unfortunately, his problem. It sucks because sometimes he’s totally cool and funny! But other times it can just be awkward..
Post # 7
I totally feel you on the mother front. Mine is co-dependent, clingy and drives me absolutely crazy! I’m an only child and she isn’t married so guess who gets ALL the attention?! I try to keep her at a distance anymore. Her latest thing in the last year or two has been activing passive-aggresive towards me and my husband. Drives both of us nuts. I have confronted her on it, but she continues to do it. She’s needy and wants attention all the time. It’s gotten to the point where I can’t stand to talk to her anymore, whether in person or by phone. Oh, and my mom is NEVER happy. (as you mentioned about your mom) And she is always sure to let me know it too! Argh!!!
So sorry you have to deal with a controlling mother, but like the pp said, you have great siblings!! That’s awesome. I hope you can figure out a way to deal with your mother and not let it get to you so much. I’m trying to work on that myself right now!! 🙂