(Closed) Why certain people doesn't want to have children's

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 3
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Chaedra:  Darling Husband and I don’t worry about it, b/c having children is NOT a guarantee that you will not be lonely in your old age. IMO having children just to not be lonely in your old age and have someone take care of you is actually a horrible reason to have them. Way I see it, if you are concerned about elderly care, start saving $$$ up for it now – looking at it from an investment standpoint, there is a more guaranteed return.

Post # 4
Member
1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Some people don’t like kids. Some people know they’re not cut out to be parents, for emotional/physical/financial/whatever reasons. Some people know they could be kick-ass parents but don’t *want* to be. There are all kinds of perfectly valid reasons not to have children.

For what it’s worth, I have children and I surely do not think they are going to be the ones taking care of me when I’m elderly (nor do I think they should be). Yes, it’s sad that some of your patients regret not having children, but children don’t exist to stop you from being lonely.

Post # 5
Member
9134 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Having children doesn’t ensure that they will be around when you’re old (especially if you raise kids with the attitude that your life would have been better off without them.)  They could die before you, become addicts and steal from you (I see this often in my field), hate you and want nothing to do with you, etc…  There are no guarantees that you will actually even like your children; they may be horrible people that you have to watch hurt or take advantage of other people.

Post # 6
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Chaedra:  We live in a world now where people constantly have to move for jobs, education, etc. – it’s not like most old people live within a few blocks of their children. (In fact, I don’t know anybody who lives in the same state as where they grew up.) If you’re counting on your children to take care of you — or even regularly show up to VISIT you — in your old age, statistically you’re probably in for a major disappointment.

So IMO, it’s not only naive to have kids so they’ll take care of you when you’re old, it’s also very selfish. You should have kids because you want kids, not because you want future unpaid caretakers.

Post # 7
Member
217 posts
Helper bee

Chaedra:  I don’t think I’ll be lonely when I’m older, and as many others said, having children doesn’t guarantee that you won’t be lonely. My mom has two kids, neither of them are involved in her life at the moment. So, she had kids, but she’ll more than likely be lonely as she gets older (as heartbreaking as that is). 

 

As for me, I’m not too worried about it. I can feel myself start to change and feel like I’ll want kids eventually, but for right now, I think kids are annoying as fuck and I do. not. want. 

Post # 8
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Having children doesn’t guarantee you won’t be lonely in old age. I haven’t given thought to how lonely I’ll be in old age because I suspect my life will be filled with enriching experiences and unforgettable memories that can keep me company if no one else will.

Post # 9
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Having children because you want someone to take care of you and love you unconditionaly is at best silly, and at worst bad for the child. I have seen young people have children for just this reason, and those poor kids with mothers and fathers who can barely take care of themselves.

There is absolutly no guarentee that those children will be around to take care of and visit you. I love my own parents to the end of the world, but I can’t guarentee that I will be with in a reasonable distance to take care of them in their old age, or visit them more than once a year. You are much better off cultivating a strong community of friends who you share strong social ties too and can grow old together.

Having visited a lot of nursing homes volunteering, people who got the most visitors where not always those with family. They were those who had friends.

Post # 11
Member
266 posts
Helper bee

I’ve never had that mother instinct or the desire to have children, it was just never there and I wouldn’t want to have children just in the hope of not being alone during old age.  If that’s the concern the best way to deal with it is save for retirement so you have the money to enjoy various activities and hobbies, also keep an active social life and there is always siblings and their children who will probably be around when you’re older.

 

I just can’t imagine having children at any point in my time, the cost and time aside I’ve just never wanted to have children…

Post # 12
Member
9586 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Having children solely for taking care of you in your old age is not a good reason to have children IMO.

Post # 13
Hostess
9695 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

Yikes. Your post came off as super judgemental to me. Just because I don’t have children doesn’t mean I’m going to die alone. I’m sorry but just because I’m a woman, it doesn’t mean that my sole purpose on this Earth is to have babies. And if the only reason I have a child is simply because I don’t want to die alone, then that’s about the most selfish thing ever. 

“Mom, why did you have me if you don’t like kids?” 

“Oh, well honey, I just didn’t want to die alone. Make sure you live a long healthy life, stay in contact with me, and show up to be by my side when I’m dying. That’s the only reason I had you.”

Post # 14
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Chaedra:  LOL.  I don’t need to give birth to insure I have friends.  I suggest you visit your local nursing home and visit all the old people who have been warehoused by their children/grandchildren.  

Post # 15
Member
2814 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

 I have kids, but in no way do I ever expect them to care for me as I age. Sure it’ll be nice, and I hope they want to see me and visit me on my deathbed, but they did not ask to be born, and I don’t think it’s up to them to have the responsibility of caring for me when I age or get ill.

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