(Closed) Why did we even register… frustrated rant

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Generally speaking, it’s inappropriate to buy gift cards for showers, so that’s probably why people bought gifts instead of just gift cards that can go toward more expensive items.  I think you should make sure you register for items in a wide variety of price points.  Honestly, if someone registered for only expensive stuff and I couldn’t afford any of it, I’d think that was rude of them and I’d buy them whatever I could afford, even if it seemed they don’t need it.

Post # 4
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You can’t really do anything except to be as gracious as you can when accepting those gifts, and prepare yourself for the fun of returns. There’s all sorts of reasons why people shop off-registry.  Someone’s out running errands and decides to pick something up for you while they’re already there, but don’t have access to your registry; in some families, registries are taboo because it’s considered in poor taste to tell givers what gift you want; some people really enjoy the act of shopping and prefer to go out without a purchase in mind, so they can browse; some folks feel more connected to you when they choose their own gift. Heck, maybe someone had a coupon but it was only good on Item B when you were registered for Item A.  And then there’s my mom, the technophobe, who wouldn’t know what to do with an online registry if it fell out of the sky into her lap, and gets overwhelmed when salespeople try to nagivate her through a registry. She’s simply more comfortable doing her own thing in a store (and lord knows I am expecting some godawful gifts from her, but that’s my mom…. )

Registries are just suggestions and unless/until society moves towards an attitude that “the only acceptable gift is one that comes from the registry,” people will be stuck with unwanted gifts.

You may consider adding to your wedding website (if you have one) or any future wedding correspondance (RSVP reminders and such) a clause like “We are an established household and are not in need of most household items; if you would like to give a gift, we’ve selected some suggestions on our registry” or something along those lines, but you MUST be very careful with the wording, or risk sounding like you’re on a gift-grab.

Post # 5
Member
2712 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Beckster329:  <– This.  I think the only thing to do now is be gracious for what you did get, send thank you notes, and possibly register for less expensive things.  You can put your registry info on your wedding website if you have one, but definitely don’t put it on wedding invites or any other wedding correspondance (with the exception being showers).

Post # 6
Member
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

After my showers, my Darling Husband and I had to spend a full Saturday returning gifts, getting gift cards from the stores.  We had SO much money on gift cards to Target.  We used it to buy things that we needed that we didn’t get, like a TV stand, lamps, a set of cube storage (kinda like a bookcase), a microwave cart, etc….

So we just used the giftcards to get things we needed… We actually used the Walmart gift cards for groceries I think 🙂 We had a couple gift cards to random stores, like Macy’s (where we didn’t register)…. So I bought jewelry there lol 🙂

Most brides face this issue and just suck it up because at least people were generous 🙂

Post # 7
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Agree with Jenlon.

Post # 8
Member
46452 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Registries are perfect from your point of view, but, perhaps not so for your guests. One of the joys of gift giving has always been picking out the perfect gift. It might not be perfect in your opinion, but it was in theirs.

There are not many gift giving occasions in life other than weddings (including showers) and babies (including showers) where people feel entitled to specify exactly what they would like for a gift.

It’s kind of sad in a way that gift giving occasions will soon be reduced to mailing gift cards or the same sad $100 bill back and forth.

If you are too busy to spend time at 4 stores choosing how to use your gift cards, you can always exchange them for cards at the store of your choice on http://www.plasticjungle.com

 

Post # 9
Member
7606 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Tina.Baker: Do they not understand how differicult it is to spend a day and cart loads returning items?

Ahaha, are you for real?

I got a pile of stuff we don’t “need” at my shower and I loved it all (even if it wasn’t my “taste” or something that I wanted per se).  I was honoured and overwhelmed that everyone came and bought something for ME!  I guess I’m having a hard time relating to your post.

Post # 10
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@Jenlon:  Lol, we used our giftcards for groceries too! We move a lot and didn’t need all of the “stuff.” I always felt a little guilty, but at least we spent the money on things we used!

Post # 11
Member
887 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@Juliepants:  Thank you for saying this! Someone needed to!

Post # 12
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Older generations sometimes aren’t keen on registries and some guests feel there’s something impersonal about choosing something from a registry.  There are guests that put things off and may not have time to get something ordered so it arrives in time or to go to the store you’re registered at and they may opt for something else because of the time constraint.

Returning things may be frustrating, but no one set out to be malicious when they selected something that wasn’t on your registry.  Try to remember that, return and exchange and just be glad they cared enough to buy you a present in the first place. 

Post # 13
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Juliepants <— This!  These posts amaze me.  Be grateful you are even had a shower..some of us (like me!) aren’t getting one, imagine how you would feel then.  I would love to have this “problem”

Post # 14
Member
1043 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m sorry you’re frustrated, I can understand that receiving random items like those on your registry, but not the style or pattern you asked for, would bother you.  My first thought is, the one and only time I didn’t buy off the registry was for a “friend” who registered for the things like china dishes (several hundred dollars per set) and crystal vases (also several hundred dollars each), a very expensive vacuum, etc.  Do you have enough mid-priced items listed?  That might help get more people to use your registry.

Post # 15
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I would be greatful for what you received. It may be a pain but it is what it is. Be happy that people who love you took time out of their lives and money out of their wallets to find and purchase a gift and then to spend time at your shower. It’s inconvenient, but oh well.

Post # 16
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

FWIW my Mister and I are an established household. We have tons of stuff. We have everything we need and a whole lot of crap we don’t need. I did set up a small registry because I know that many folks are going to feel obligated to give a gift, and I don’t mind putting some suggestions out there. But the very first thing on the Registry page of our wedding website is this:

“We are an established household and have pretty much everything we need.  As an alternative to a gift, please consider making a tax-deductable donation to XXXXX, which is the local animal rescue that brought us our amazing Rottweiler doggy.”

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