(Closed) Why did you decide to elope?

posted 8 years ago in Elopement
Post # 32
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

After visting countless venues, poring over magazines and speaking with wedding planners, my fiance and I decided to eloping fit us because:

1) Fiance’s father is very old and we want him to have some nice pictures. He can’t travel because of a medical condition and he said he wants a daughter in law already. πŸ™‚

2) Out of the original guest list (that my  highly controlling mother had a huge say in ) 60 out of the 75 were all her family. I get along with NONE of them for the most part and they say terrible things about him, making racist remarks and mean spirited jokes about his job. I believe that a wedding should be an event where the  only people there are those who are sincerely happy for you and have seen you through it all. Not just to show up for food and drink. You want that? Go to a club.

3.) Our insistence on no children. My closest friend understood why her 4 year old wasn’t invited, but when my extended family found out they exploded like a bomb, the drama didn’t end for over a week.

4.) Anxiety over being the center of attention. I can barely handle my 2 coworkers looking at me , imagine being looked at by all those people o.o I start to turn bright red and get migraines. The thought just makes me nauseated.

5.) Finances, which everyone seemed to have a problem understanding. They wanted a big wedding and I did too originally,  but we just can’t because the car died after 250,000 miles and we HAD to get a new one, along with paying for school and loan payments. :/ We are able to afford this elopement because everything is already paid for, we can drive to the location and it’s only $500 for the whole deal. Beautiful location, a special place dear to us, quiet and peaceful and we are very much looking forward to it.

6.) Both of us agreed from the beginning we just want to be married and take this new step forward with our lives than go through all the hassle which just isn’t us. It might be great and wonderful for some other people, hell…I’ve seen some crazy beautiful weddings on the Bee and loved looking at them, but it’s not for us. Every wedding is beautiful, no matter where it is or who you’re with. πŸ˜€

Post # 33
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee

I definitely want to elope, just the two of us. It’s sad really because I always wanted a big wedding with all of my family there, but he’ll want to invite certain “friends” of his who are always spiteful and nasty to me, and I refuse to have them there because they’ll make me feel uncomfortable and ruin my special day. Of course if they’re not welcome at our wedding he’ll be annoyed at me for excluding his friends, and they’ll get annoyed at not being invited and kick up a huge fuss, and it’ll just end up being a huge mess. The only way to ensure they don’t spoil my big day is not to have a wedding at all.

Post # 34
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Gorjuss:  I am sorry you can’t have the wedding you envision because of the mess it will bring with it. My vote is to find a beautiful place for the two of you to enjoy each other as you become one. If you want to include close family ONLY that would help you with being able to exclude the nasty friends. Good luck. I know whatever you decide it will be special for the two of you. 

My Fiance wants me to tell you to tell your Fiance that if he was any kind of man, he would tell his friends if they don’t treat you with respect then they can piss off. You’re the woman he loves and if they don’t like it, they don’t need to be a part of your lives. Life long friends or not.

Post # 35
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My mother told me from the time I was a little girl that I should just elope.  πŸ™‚  All these years later it wasn’t really a decision.  We wanted the day to be for us with no distractions.  We going to a B&B in Virginia where we went on or first overnight trip together and plan on getting married there.  It’s in a beautiful area and the grounds are beautiful.  I do have a dress and we’ve hired a photographer so we can share the day with family and friends via pictures.  We’re in our mid-40s and just want it to be the two of us there.   

I don’t have the desire or time to plan a wedding and, to be honest, I’ve never been to a wedding that impressed me to the point that I even remember anything about any of them. 

Post # 36
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We also planned a wedding over here. Pretty much everything was booked and deposits put down on things. We had planned to pay for everything ourselves. I was happy with having the wedding here but my fiance wasnt. At the time he was working with my step dad. And everyday he was making my fiance feel really crap about the weddng. They offered to give us $5000 as a wedding present. They were telling everyone how much our wedding was putting them out. We told them so many times we didnt want there money. Anyway 3 months to go we cancel the wedding and book a wedding in Fiji. They continued to tell people that they were giving us money. Anyway with 3 weeks left to the wedding my mother tells me that we are only going to get a couple hundred dollars off them. So im feeling pretty crap right now lol. And I am extremely happy that we decided to elope.

Post # 37
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It was both our second time down the isle, both had traditional weddings the first time around. Planning our wedding was so stressfull, and so quickly became about what everyone else wanted (mostly our parents, and our children) when we got right down to it, what we wanted was to be married, not have a wedding. We eloped (in part) to “get the wedding over with” but truely enjoyed the privacy of speaking out vowes without an audience πŸ™‚

 

eta: Vegas was also friggin cool

Post # 38
Member
255 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We had originally planned a more traditional wedding, but we had some circumstances that forced us to move it ahead 9 months, so we decided to have a courthouse wedding with the two of us.

1. We have both already been married.

2. We wanted it to be a private time for just the two of us to focus on our committment to one another.

3. We didn’t want to go into debt.

4. We would rather have a nicer, longer, honeymoon.

We are still getting dressed up, having flowers, a photographer, etc., but it’s just about us.  And I’m not stressed at all! I feel like I’m finally getting the perfect wedding for me.

Post # 39
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Origially when we’d discussed getting married, he wanted the lavish ceremony and I did not.  Like so many others, I’m not the type who enjoys the center of attention and all of that nonsense.  I’m a stickler for saving money and couldn’t justify dropping loads of money on ONE day.  There is also TONS of friend/family drama, specifically from his side, so I didnt feel like we would be surrounded by people who were happy for us.  I knew most everyone from his side would ruin the day for us and not even care (everything has to be about them)… so no one aside from my immediate family knows its happening.  I’m sure the original poster has decided what she wants to do by now, but my adivce is go with what you think will make you most happy on that day.  If you feel someone else is going to rain on your parade, exclude them from it.  If you regret not having a huge ceremony later, you can still always have that if you want it.  Maybe by then everyone will be more accepting and have their own problems worked out a little more.  Do what makes you happy.

Post # 40
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We are eloping becuase

 

1) I can’t stand all this wedding crap… the planning, the photos, the facebook updates (not from me but from other friends getting married complaining about planning) the money and the fact that I didn’t really care who was or wasn’t there.

2) Because we want a vacation… and a kick ass honey moon

3) Because we are paying for it and to us, it’s about only us. 

4) Money… did I say that?

5) I have no interest in weddings

 

So I guess I just stated the same things over and over, but I feel it shows how much I really can’t stand weddings. 

Post # 41
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

I’m not exactly “eloping” because a few people know about it, but I will be having an intimate wedding because it fulfills many needs of mine and my Fiance.

Before coming on the bee, I always thought your only choices for a wedding were a huge 90 million dollar wedding, or a courthouse wedding…..neither of which really appealed to me. I’m not a shy person by any means, which is a common misconception of people who want small weddings, but I just didn’t want a very costly wedding with a bunch of people I have never really felt were in my corner. Then there’s my Fiance. He’s a very private person, really quiet, and doesn’t like to be the center of attention at all, so I feel I had to come up with a deal to accommodate us.

Not to mention that we are no longer active duty military, which means our funds have cut back some. We are not struggling by any means, but I feel that our money could be spent other ways while we are in school. Sooo… I originally decidedd on a courthouse wedding because it wouldn’t be wise of us to go skip off to Jamaica, especially since my parents wouldn’t be able to come, which is my only demand.

So after much research and ideas from my fellow bees, I am deciding to have my wedding at a B&B. I will still get to wear a wedding dress(ish—doing my own thing with the dress), get my hair done, have a photographer, have my mother and father there, possibly my best friend, and an awesome honeymoon that I want at a fraction of the cost, sans haters, sans stress, sans madness. LOL. At the end of the day, you are saying “I do” to the person you always wanted.

If in your heart you know that an elopement is not for you, go with the traditional wedding. By that same token, if you really feel that your family will ruin the most important day of your life because of their issues, find another way to make this special. There are tons of ideas out there for your wedding day that you might find more appealing than “tradition”. It’s up to you πŸ™‚

ETA: Oops! This was 8 months ago. You are probably already married. LOL.

Post # 42
Member
280 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

SO and I have been talking about eloping since we had “the talk” and knew we wanted to get married.  It’ll be a planned elopement in May, and although our family and friends will know about it, it’ll just be the two of us there.  Guess that counts, right?

I’m kindof struggling with this decision because we are both the only child and I feel like we’re robbing our parents of this experience.  However, we’re not officially engaged (he has the ring but I don’t yet) so it hasn’t been a discussion with our parents… they might be fine with it, I just don’t know.  Neither SO or I like being the center of attention and the thought of reciting something as intimate and personal as our vows in front of my parents freaks me out. Hell, my parents didn’t even know how serious we were until I told them that we were moving in together (I’m extremely awkward with my parents when it comes to relationships… I don’t know why, but I am).  Plus, there are some other things to consider like how we’re not religious and my grandparents would freak when God is not mentioned in the ceremony, and I think spending $$$$ on a dress and other wedding fluff is a bit ridiculous. 

When we weighed the pros and cons of having a wedding versus eloping, it was obvious that eloping would make us the most relaxed.  I’m just nervous about our parents’ reactions to this… if they’re okay with it though, then I won’t have anything to worry about.

 

Post # 43
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We “eloped” for several reasons. I say it like that because our families and friends knew all about it. We were going to Vegas already and decided to get married while we were there. My mom was all for it, but his mom took a little convincing. We just wanted it to be all about us and not have all this fuss and drama. I really just wanted to get married and didn’t need a big wedding. Plus hubby and I agreed that weddings could be very expensive and we didn’t want to spend a lot of money. He proposed in front of our parents to include them in that. Then we found a small chapel in Vegas and got married! It was awesome and we are so happy with our decision. I remember every little detail of that day. That’s what means the most to me because later we had a reception at home for family and friends and I can’t tell you much of how it went,  it was all a blur and just flew by! We knew that’s what a wedding would have been like. I would do it all over again!! πŸ™‚

Post # 44
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Money money and a controlling Mother-In-Law. Also neither of us like the idea of being the center of attention. Also we now get to have a 2-3 week honeymoon in Europe. 

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