Why did you get married?

posted 4 months ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
2839 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

 

ellsiepig :  What happens the day you fall in love with someone else since you don’t love your spouse?

Post # 17
Member
2399 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

ellsiepig :  That is one of the saddest posts I’ve read on here.

I also see you live with your parents not with him because your work is slightly closer to your parents house? What a way to live

Post # 18
Member
3684 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

DoubleD :  To be honest I don’t find marriage necessary. Wasn’t my idea the first time around or this time. One compromises for the person they love and I’m not so against it to the point where I’m unwilling to do so. Never felt it was a priority or something I had to accomplish. I’m a difficult person to be with, as is FI, but we love each other fiercely and accept one anothers faults. As I type this I’m sitting in the park trying to find my happy place bc he jumped on my last nerve a half hour ago and I left. Snatched up the keys and bounced without a word. That might not work for others but it does for us bc he knows me. He’ll text to make sure I’m fine (like just now telling me to be ready for a surprise on Sunday, mkay buddy) and then let me cool off. We’re not perfect but we’re perfect for each other and I don’t mind sharing the rest of my life with him. This pic is totally us and the relationship is worth the effort. 

Post # 19
Member
203 posts
Helper bee

ellsiepig :  My goodness. 

How do you think your husband would feel reading what you wrote? Do you think he feels the same way about marrying you? 

This is all so sad…

Post # 20
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Cottage

cameobride :  a hypothetical  question: if your child grew up to be a maniac who beat you… would you still stand by them? 

Post # 21
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Cottage

ellsiepig :  this made me sad. I hope you are happy with your life though. What ever works for you.

Post # 22
Member
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Cottage

We got married because we are a team. We love each other too much and want to be together, more than we ever wanted to be alone or with anyone else. We want a kid or two and neither of us wants to do that out of wedlock (especially me). We got married because we are better together than we are on our own. It was the natural progression of our relationship and we wanted to take the next step. We want all the legal rights and responsibilities of being married. And last but not least we wanted to officially join our lives together in front of our friends and family and be recognised as one social unit by every institution out there. We wanted to publicly say the vows, pledging our love, respect and devotion to each other for as long as we both shall live. That is why we got married.

As for unconditional love… I dont believe in that at all except for: the love of a parent for their young child and vice versa… and the love of a dog to his owner. 

Post # 23
Member
612 posts
Busy bee

I married my husband for practical purposes more than anything (staying together in the same country). We might not have bothered getting marreid otherwise. But now I love being married.

But I have to say go against the bees here and say that love for a spouse CAN be unconditional. I love my husband unconditionally, in that nothing could make me stop loving him. Even if he did something really bad (which I 100% cannot imagine him doing), I would still love him. I might need to escape from him somehow, but there’s just no way I’d stop loving him, or move on to someone else. 

Same with a child, right? if you had a violent psychopathic child you might not stay around them (you might try to get them institutionalised), but you wouldn’t stop loving them. It’s the same for me with my husband.

Post # 24
Member
2399 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

froggles31 :  If your husband murdered your child would you still love him? Or became a terrorist and murdered thousands of people? Or any other equally imaginably awful things?

 I find that hard to believe

Post # 25
Member
2040 posts
Buzzing bee

I married my husband because I adore him. We’re a team, we have been through some really dark times together and have come out stronger. He is an amazing man and I feel genuinely blessed to have him in my life. Even when he makes me angry, or when he upsets me, I still love him to bits. 

In terms of why I married him instead of just being together without the “piece of paper”..? I think committing yourself to someone both legally and spiritually in front of the people you care about most is a really special thing. I think that being able to trust someone enough to legally tie yourselves together says a lot about your relationship. To me personally, marriage is the highest form of commitment two people can have. It’s kind of like, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I’m willing to put my money where my mouth is 😉 

Post # 26
Member
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I married my husband because I love him of course. I can’t imagine my life without him. If it weren’t for him I would’ve been fine not marrying at all, I assumed I would be alone all my life and I used to be ok with it, I would imagine myself as a lonely cat lady sitting at the bar stool alone. When I met my husband and fell in love with him I changed my mind about marriage and my future finally looked brighter, something I can look forward to, now we’re crazy cat people together lol. We make each other better people, we learn so much from each other and we support each other through everything. We didn’t need to get married to prove this but we wanted to and we get rights that unmarried couples don’t have.

ellsiepig : And it was really sad to read what you wrote. Life is short. You only have one life. That progression of “school, job, marriage, house, baby” is man-made, it’s a fake timeline society created. It doesn’t equal happiness for everyone. In your case you’re stopping yourself from being with the love of your life or achieving happiness. Why give up on yourself?

Post # 27
Member
612 posts
Busy bee

Innerdonught :  I didn’t say I wouldn’t be completely distraught if he did something awful. I’m sure I would be. But I know I’d still love him, despite myself. 

Of course, it was surely important to my falling in love with him that I know he’s not capable of horrendous things. I just know that my feelings for him no longer depend on anything he does or doesn’t do.

I didn’t say it was normal or praiseworthy. It’s just the way it is for me.

Post # 28
Member
2409 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Outside in Paris

ImMrsSnow : this is actually what the book I was referring to discussed. Her son killed so many people & she admits the world would have been better without him… but she still loves him.

I don’t know how I would feel but I did work in MH at the state prison. The most common calls and visitors are parents. 

 

Post # 29
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - State Park

In my opinion people are naming the reasons why they are building lives with their spouses and why they are with their spouses. None of that requires marriage necessarily. You can be together and share a life and family together without making it legal. 

Why am I getting married and not just continuing to go about things in my perfectly happy life? Spousal benefits. If we didn’t need to be legally married to see each other in the hospital and automatically inherit things and have privilege in a court of law then I don’t necessarily see a reason for it. Just a social construct that has little bearing on my day-to-day. But we live in a world with no path to those benefits without a legal marriage.

Now, why do I want to commit to forever with him? Because we make each other better, and all the big picture goals and dreams line up, and because dating is hard. 

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