(Closed) Why did you have a long engagement?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 32
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Our engagement was 18 months.  Partly due to the season we wanted – we got engaged in March and wanted early Fall, but we also didn’t want to have to pull everything together in 5-6 months.  We have busy jobs and we (meaning I) were going to be planning and making all the decisions ourselves (rather than passing it off to mom or a planner), so rushing it didn’t seem appealing.  So that put us about 1.5 years out. 

I liked that we took some time to enjoy just being engaged before we went crazy with planning and interviewing vendors.  We didn’t even formally set a date with deposit down on venue until we’d been engaged about 6 months.

18 months was probably a few months too long for me (enough time to start obsessing a little), but I don’t think there’s anything strange or even unusual these days about going more than 12 months.  Expectations and norms could be different depending on where you live I guess.

Post # 33
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Money, though not because of the cost of a wedding.  Fiance has taken the opportunity of being laid off to go back to college, and he’s getting financid aid that he would lose if they were looking at joint accounts and incomes.

Besides, it seemed REALLY silly to lose money for school plus spend money on a wedding.  Like a double loss.

Post # 34
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Each to their own. Some people prefer a shorter engagement, while others (like my fiancé and I) want to or have to wait. While 12 to 18 months is the ideal length, it isn’t practical or possible for many couples. Weddings are expensive and many couples need time to save, especially if they’re paying for it by themselves. For other couples, life gets in the way of getting married and they’re forced to postpone their wedding plans. Some couples choose a long engagement simply because they want time to plan without getting stressed. My fiancé and I are having a three-year engagement because our families want us to finish school first and we want to respect their wishes. It depends on the couple, and every couple has their reasons for getting married when they are.

Post # 35
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Our engagement will be 19 months total. We did this for several reasons- 

(1) I was dead set on having a fall wedding. I love the fall, I feel connected to it,  that’s one of the only things I had my mind made up on.

(2) I wanted to stretch the planning process out to alleviate stress. So far so good! I did most of my stay-up-all-night research and blistering footwork within the first 6 months so now  things are smooth sailing, especially considering I moved 800 miles away two months ago.

(3) I wanted to stretch the savings process out to alleviate stress. I figured up how much we would need to save per month to not have to dip into our savings, and making it a long engagement worked for us.

(4) Let’s face it, everybody needs some time to get comfortable with the idea of getting married. Fiance and I first discussed marriage after 2 weeks (weird I know, but we just had a profound connection). That being said, I was 22 years old, and no where near ready. Not that I wanted to see other people, only I knew I had some growing up to do mentally. When Fiance proposed I was 24, and getting there but not quite. Our wedding will be two weeks before my 26th birthday, and I feel like I’ve grown into the role of a bride and wife so naturally over time, I’m perfectly ready and mentally at peace with the whole thing. Amazingly, so is my family. I don’t know if they’re picking up on my vibes or they needed the time for themselves, but everyone has gone from a sort of superficial excitement/curiousity to a profound respect and anticipation of my next step in life. 



Post # 36
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015


– Fiance and I are paying for the whole shindig ourselves, so.

– Fiance proposed in December, so an April wedding in 2013 would cause me to rip my hair out. I cannot have my neurotic behind plan a wedding in 4 months. Next year still wouldn’t have given us a long enough time. So 2015 it is. ๐Ÿ™‚

– We get dibs on our date – our 6th anniversary – so all of the vendors we’ve seen were wide open for 2015. Some even applauded our “strategy”.

– Fiance gets easily stressed while planning this kind of stuff, so it gives him the feeling of time. We don’t have to rush and thus less “fighting” over stuff.

– I love being engaged. ๐Ÿ™‚ Yeah, 28 months is a long time to be engaged. So what? If people don’t like it, oh well.

Post # 37
2121 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

Fiance and I are currently working abroad so we are waiting until we move back to fully plan and fix the date. Sure we could have waited to get engaged, but it felt like the natural time to commit and solidify our relationship now and neither of us being in a hurry to officially sign the papers.. we already feel like we’re married ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 38
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I wanted first choice in everything venue, cake, florals, etc. soooo we wait! ๐Ÿ™‚

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