Post # 1
Hi, Mama Bees and Mamas-to-be. I’m wondering what reasons everyone has for wanting a child (and- gah!- future teenager). And please be specific- like, if your answer is “Because I/we have a lot of love to give”, then can you specify why you decided to go for a biological kid rather than adoption, or why you chose a kid over a pet, volunteering, etc.? I’m so curious to find out if everyone has similar answers, or many different answers.
BONUS QUESTION: Did you wait until you could afford to raise a child, or did you just kinda go for it and hope for the best? And, if you just went for it, did everything fall into place?
Post # 3
I am in the position right now of really wanting a baby but deciding against right now it because our finances are really tight this year. I don’t think we will ever feel financially secure enough to have a baby; however, we need to be in a position where not every penny is allotted to bills already.
As to why I want a baby. I don’t think there is a reason. I have always known that I want a family as family is really important to me and in the last few years something just clicked and I wanted to start to make our family bigger sooner rather than later.
DH and I want to try to have our own biological children but adoption isn’t out of the question for us either!
I don’t know if I answered your question – but I also don’t know if I could answer it any better than that!
Post # 4
I think that my biggest reason for wanting to have a child is to give myself that family that I didn’t have growing up. I want the opportunity to provide the kind of life that I wanted. My family was always chaotic and unstable and I want to give my children the exact opposite.
As far as waiting till we were financially able, we decided to just bite the bullet and do it. I don’t have a full time job and will probably go back to school soon so if we waited then things might have just gotten tougher and it would have kept getting put off. That being said we did have an emergency fund that allowed me to be off work for some time before and after the birth and by the time I go back to work we will have almost no savings left. Its not ideal but it allowed us to start a family and we will make it work.
Post # 5
I have always wanted to have a big family, which includes biological children. In my early 20’s I wavered on this a bit, but I attribute that to dating people who wouldn’t make good fathers or who didn’t want children. Ultimately I want children, and just as my mom said, when you find the right guy you’ll want to have his babies. DH is also set on having his own biological children. I think for both of us family is the most important thing in life, and having our own children (if possible) was a part of that. Had we not been able to, we likely would have looked to adoption, but we are fortunate and I’m 17 weeks along with out first right now. DH and I have a child-friendly lifestyle already, and actually have our own child would just enrich our day to day lives even more.
I am more open to the idea of foster care/adoption than DH is, but I am hopeful that later, maybe in 10 or so years, I can convince DH to give it a shot. I work with kids in the foster care system, and know that DH and I could provide a great home and loving environment for a child (likely an older child – middle school age) who needs a home. I don’t think we can afford to have the big (biological) family I’ve imagined (5-7 kids) but adding through foster care and/or adoption would be fantastic.
DH and I waited until we were married, and we bought a house right around when we started trying to conceive. We were ready, and we are mostly ready financially, but we definitely told (and still tell) each other “it’ll work out” pretty often.
Post # 6
The simple fact of wanting to start a family. Family is very big to my husbandand I, and developing our own little branch of the family is a priority.
Post # 7
Maybe I’m naive, but I guess I just think having our own biological children would helps us get through tough times (temper tantrums, etc.) because they’re our actual children. I sort of feel like there would be a stronger bond, going through the whole pregnancy, birth and raising of our own children. Having them look like us will be really cool too, little blonde haired blue eyed kiddies 🙂
Post # 8
I want a baby because all I’ve ever wanted to be when I grew up was a mother. Now, I have my husband, so we have an emotional stable life to provide our baby. I don’t care that our screaming poop machine (I’m being funny) will one day turn into a screaming, hormonal, crazy person; I want our children. I love them already. And we’re ready for the biggest challenge of our lives. There is nothing which makes me happier.
Although I can understand your point of view, I don’t think that’s actually the case. My husband and I will be adopting our youngest child. I am so excited to meet her one day and I know I will love her as much and treat her as our child because she is our child no matter who carried her around for 9 months and pushed her out. We’ll be the ones who are her parents.
Post # 9
I never wanted to have children!! However, at the young age of 20, an unexpected pregnancy came about. I knew I was pregnant before I actually knew I was pregnant (the stick has a huge + on it). Something inside me felt different, like all of a suuden life wasn’t what I envisioned it. I decided to have my baby, and wanted a girl. The thought of someone growing in me, that would depend on me for 9 months to breath for them, eat for them and love them, without ever meeting, was overwhelming yet so engulfing. Well I had a boy!!! The moment I held him, after 33 hrs of excrutiating labor then a c-section, I realized what LOVE really is, what life is for, can’t explain it but if you’ve held your baby already,youknow what I mean. Aftter he was born I couldn’t imagine having to share that love with a sibling, the thoguht of loving that way twice was uncomprehendable to me. 16 years later, he is still an only child. I do regret it now, after my dad passed away in 2005, I realized the value ofmy siblings. Since one day I will no longer be around, I hate the idea of him being left alone in the world, even though he is close to his cousins, I know he will resent it inthe future.
I did decide, for the first time that I did want to purposely get pregnant aagain a few years ago, after my dad’s passiing. For the first time in my life I wanted to bring a child to the world, to carry on my values, to be loved by my son and I guess in a way, make right by the things I’d mademy son miss out on as an only child. Now I can’t have children…medical issues, so I thought of adoption, why? Because every child deserves a chance in life and I feel that biology isn’t veverything, being able to give someone a chance to fulfill their dreams is a stronger driving force for me than biology. Unfortunately I’m not rich enough to adopt, so I just keep helping others with their children (babysitting for single moms going to school).
Post # 10
I didn’t want one. My child was an accident. Even now I struggle to afford to have a child, being a solo mother. I resented her father for not supporting us and having to return to work after 10 weeks.
I think that I’ll never have any children again, even if I remarry. I will only have more children if I can be a stay at home mum as it’s something I really want to do. I have missed out on the first everything. I don’t even know what time kindergarten starts and finishes as I work 10 hours a day and my mother does it all.
I wouldn’t trade my child for the world. But I’ll never do this again.
Post # 11
Why did we wait:
- We both talked about kids, but weren’t emotionally or professionally ready until now
- We wanted to be married first (especially after I was Confirmed…we abstained until marriage since then)
- We agreed to wait to get married until we were “ready” to have kids…now we’re married, kid’s coming in March (God willing)
Why we want to have kids:
- “The world is a beautiful place & worth fighting for.” – Ernest Hemingway…Hubs & I love this quote so much that we try to live our lives according to it…having kids seems like the right step to making the world better
Why have biological kids over adopting, etc.:
- For Hubs, this was a deal-breaker…not that he’s not open to adopting, but he wants to try for our own first
- We’re both open to adopting, even after we have our own…mostly because I’m VERY AGAINST having only one (b/c I’m an only child & I was lonely, have much as responsibility to my parents that I must shoulder “alone”, etc.) & b/c, if we can afford it, we believe in “sharing the wealth” both literally & morally
Post # 12
SO many interesting answers! Tobin, I know it can be really tough being a working mother- kudos to you! It’s so nice to hear that most Bees wanted to be mothers to give their child a happy life, rather than to “spice up” their own lives or marriages.
As someone who had an unhappy childhood, I’m a big believer that babies *don’t ask* to be born, so, if parents bring them into the world, they’d better do their darndest to give them the happiest, most well-supported life possible.
Post # 13
I never NOT wanted to be a mom. My family has brought me so much joy throughout my life and I always hoped that I would have a family of my own with a wonderful husband to share it with. I have the wonderful husband and we’re both on the same page when it comes to families and babies so now we are praying that we are blessed with a baby of our very own. I don’t have a crystal ball so I wouldn’t rule out adoption some day but part of the anticipation for me of having biological children is seeing how the family traits carry on – blue or brown eyes? my nose or his? some of the little quirks from my side or his? We don’t have control over anything but we hope that we’ll be blessed with a baby soon!
Post # 14
For the longest time I was quite adamant about living a child-free life. I was uber Type A personality, had to be the best at everything, and was more or less convinced I would be the first woman president of the United State. I envisioned myself marrying another professional, the two of us taking lavish vacations, sipping martinis and good wine every single night after work, wearing fantastic outfits perfect for every occasion, owning a stunning well-decored big urban condo, etc. all through our lives. I figured if I ever needed a “baby fix”, I’d just go visit my sister who will likely have kids.
But then I had a reality check. I experienced a hugely significant personal hurdle , coping with a terrible past with my mother. That was about a year and a half ago. Priorities changed quickly! I still like being successful at what I do, but now I want to experience life at a passionate and love-filled level. I realized professional titles can only go so far- at the end of the day, what makes you a good person or not is the love you have with family, your partner, and friends. I became closer with my family, and I met my SO. My SO plays a huge part in my now wanting to have kids. SO had a wonderful tight knit family growing up with supportive parents. So many evenings SO and I sit on the couch together and talk about our experiences growing up and how they shape who we are and our world views- and I just think, “Holy sh*t, we would raise amazing children together”. It’s an overwhelming feeling! I feel as though bringing babies into this world and raising them, together, as a family, would be an incredible experience for us. We DO have love to give (ha! sorry OP! I had to say it!), and I am so sure that the kids we raise would be awesome human beings.
Post # 15
Well, I know why I don’t want to have a child!
I know that I am definitely not ready for a kid because when I thought about why I would want to have a child, all I could really think about was that I wanted to see how it would turn out…physically, emotionally…what he/she would be like.
That just seems so incredibly selfish to me…there is no way I’m ready until my reasoning changes.
Post # 16
I really think that my husband and I will be excellent parents. I think we will make upstanding citizens 🙂 I’ve always, always, always dreamed of being a mother. It’s just ingrained in me biologically. I think my husband will be an amazing dad as well. Plus, I always joke to myself that we are going to make genetically superior children since we are interracial (so less likely to pass on the bad genetics that are often followed by ancestry- like mutt dogs! lol) I’m baby fever-ing sooo badly right now. I had it bad for awhile last year, then it kind of subsided, but it’s back again.
As for adoption vs. biological: It is quite difficult to come across a newborn up for adoption unless you go through private agencies and I don’t forsee us having the money for that. However, when we get a bit older I would love to look into fostering or adopting an older child since they are often the ones overlooked. My heart breaks for them.
Despite my raging baby rabies, we are still holding off for a little bit. My husband is in grad school and I’m still working on my degree in early childhood education. I’m hoping we can try once I earn my Associates. My husband has 3 semesters left. I’ll continue eventually on getting my Bachelors, but I think I’ll pursue that more slowly and maybe after we start having children. I’d like to be ~25 at the lastest because we would like to have more than one child and I don’t really want them close together.
Emotionally we are ready and eager (and my husband agrees) but time and money wise, we need to wait a bit. There is just no way we could juggle school, work, and baby right now. Once school is done, we’ll go ahead with TTC.