Post # 17
@2shy, I was thinking more along the lines of this hypothetical scenario which is completely different yet very common and has nothing to do with a whether a man is interested in weddings in general:
Groom: it’d be really cool if we could have (fill in the blank item that is not out of budget and that fits his personal tastes, also may be one of the few things he actually has an opinion on)
Bride: *thinks to herself and later tells everyone she knows* seriously??? he has absolutely no taste at all. why should I allow him to have that tacky thing when I don;t like it and will make me look trashy if I do allow it?
Post # 18
Oh. I thought budget busters were included. I’m not being sarcastic. I hope it didn’t come off that way…anyway, thanks for the clarification
Post # 19
I wasnt that way to my groom – he had choices in everything and if there was something he didnt like I wasnt going to go with it. It wasnt MY day it was OUR day.
Post # 20
i think some people have that attitude because it comes down to how much each person cares about the wedding. and in general, i think the bride cares about the wedding and the wedding details SO much more than the groom.
I, like the others who has posted here, have been adamant about referring to it as “our day”. however, when I ask Fiance for opinions, he often doesn’t have any, doesn’t care, or just wants what is cheapest (even if the prices don’t vary much). if he offered one thing he really wanted, you can bet i would be sure to include it! Despite this, i have tried to incorporate his personality with the decorations. i ordered these adorable tiki torch centerpieces that we will use during our beach bonfire reception party. it is so “him” because wherever he has lived in the past several years, he has bought tiki torches to line up along the backyard or balcony to give us a cozy feel and so we can enjoy sitting outside. but still, he doesn’t actually care if they are there or not. but he did think they were cool when they arrived, so i took that as something positive!
i know you are getting at when grooms actually come up with their own idea and it gets shot down. i haven’t even had the opportunity to be in that situation because my Fiance has not come up with ideas! he just doesn’t care about the details. so now i am getting this whole vision and idea and theme. if after months of planning this vision that he wanted nothing to do with, and then suddenly comes up with something that doesn’t fit at all…well, i could almost see myself vetoing it! (but like i said, i would try really hard to incorporate it because i would LOVE it if he contributed ideas!). So maybe that is where it comes from, i don’t know. then imagine that scenario combined with brides who get caught up in society’s concept of it being the “bride’s day” and like a PP has said, has everyone left and right telling them it “your” day!
does that answer your question at all?
Post # 21
Hm. Interesting. I personally have a possible groom-zilla on my hands, so, that won’t be the case. 🙂 Just kidding.
He’s opinionated about a lot of things – matter of fact, more than me most of the time. But basically we are finding a common choice for everything except attire. I’m picking my dress, he’s picking the tuxes. We chose rings together, and it worked perfectly. Why fix it if it isn’t broken? 🙂
Example: One venue I love, one he loves and one we both really like? We’re going with choice 3. This isn’t a fairytale, it’s life. Just like I wouldn’t say “no it’s my house, I have to decorate it” and then proceed to pick MY dream house vs his.
Post # 22
love this post! way to vent =)
Post # 23
@Ember78: I was wondering the same thing. I’ll talk about something and say I need to get Mr’s opinion and immediately people tell me…its your day not his…Ummm don’t you need 2 people to get married. I think the planning process…everything except the dress should be mutual.
Post # 24
Every time I ask for his opinion, his response is “its your day, whatever you want.” my response: “uhhhh, its OUR day and I WANT/ NEED YOUR opinion TOO!!!”
Post # 25
@Ember78: I dont get it either; its OUR day- SO and I have talked and I want him there, I want his opinion- I dunno who else I could have because I know he understands the sentiment I want behind our wedding, because he wants it too lol. I know also that should I ever call it my day, he will let me know that its our day 🙂 Which I appreciate, and understand
Post # 26
I would never dream of completely veeto’ing any of his opinions, ideas or wants — it is called compromise. And it is a two way street, if any of my ideas seem too out there, or expensive or don’t jive with his wants that well he has every right to tell me that he isn’t so sure about that idea (and he does).
When I hear it referred to as “my day” it makes me gag.
This is exactly the way my partner is. SO frustrating.
However, I have been reiterating “our day” enough that he has stopped calling it “my day” at least 😛
Post # 27
@Ember78: Sue Sylvester married herself on Glee. 😀
Post # 28
My only real selfishness in the process has been saying to people like my mother and sister. “If you’re willing to contribute to the budget I’m more than willing to take into consideration your more expensive option rather than the ‘tacky’ suggestion I just gave. Otherwise, we’re making the best of it.”
I’m a lot less traditional than my Fiance so I’m expecting some interesting compromises on the way. We’ve really only talked about the actually wedding once so far, lol. Yea, I know I’m way behind, but we’re going super simple.
Post # 29
With my first wedding, neither the groom nor I was really into wedding planning. At the time, I was working full-time and going to law school ¾ time. I wanted to be married, but didn’t really care about the wedding. And I certainly didn’t want the planning dumped on me. So my attitude was basically, “If you want a wedding, you can plan it!”
With my second wedding, we had two brides and no groom, and we were both heavily involved in planning.
My view generally is that both the input and the work should be shared. If she really wants to plan, and he doesn’t care, that’s fine. And the reverse would also be fine. However, if both of them want input, both of them should have it. And if neither of them wants to shoulder the whole burden of planning, then both of them should participate. If that is not happening, I would be seriously questioning how the division of input and labor will work in the marriage as a whole.
Post # 30
I’ve warned Miss T. As soon as the words, “It’s my day!” comes out of her mouth, the wedding is cancelled. That’s some bridezilla BS. If it’s your day, then do it by yourself.