Post # 1
No judgement, but I’m curious if this is a new trend or something that is ongoing. And why? It seems most of the time an uncomfortable/embarrassing/unflattering topic is posted it starts out “regular bee going anon here”. It just strikes me as odd. This is already an anonymous site, right? Are these trolls looking to seem legit by saying that? Or are bees so worried that when they ask “is cheesecloth the new burlap?” that everyone will know that her relationship isn’t perfect or that they are working through stuff?
Post # 2
Some Bees post dress pictures or pictures of themselves, location info, career info, venue information, details about their SO’s or their family situations often, so finding out who they are offline could be pretty easy. That’s probably the majority of the reason why they go undercover. Also, just because it’s on the internet doesn’t make it automatically anonymous!
Post # 3
People have posted their photos, wedding websites, etc. It isnt always difficult on the internet to trace things back to someone. If they are going through a rough time and posting something very personal its just an extra step so it doesnt get back to them.
I mean, i dont think ive seen anon posts about cheesecloth, but maybe you dont want everyone to find out your husband is cheating on you or whatever.
Post # 4
sillysarah84 : Since many Bees post photos, give some personal information such as wedding dates, general location of ceremony, whatever, they may be worried about being identified. Being identified wouldn’t matter over color schemes, but might when it comes to difficult personal issues. That’s my interpretation.
Post # 5
sillysarah84 : I am technically not “anon” on here. I have posted my face numerous times because I’m quite vain. That being said… if something super heavy and crazy happened I wouldn’t want it attached to my image. If I hadn’t shared my image on here I wouldn’t have a problem getting advice if my relationship hit a snag without going anon.
ETA: posted before I was done!!!
So people who go anon might have friends who know them for real on here or have details that could hint to outsiders who they are.
Post # 6
Because there is always a risk that other Bees know them in real life and have identified them in other posts through details given: “We’re getting married in May 2018, it’ll be a barn wedding and we’re going with old lace table linen and mis-matched vintage china…”
Given weddings spread like measles amongst certain age groups, it’s very possible people will have real life friends who are also on this forum without either party knowing until they recognise details such as the above. People don’t want to risk sharing anxieties about their fiancé’s violent porn addiction with real life contacts, even though they are willing to risk sharing their anxieties over the credibility of cheesecloth.
Post # 7
I’ve never seen someone go anon to ask about cheesecloth…
Anyways, I used to have pictures of myself on here and plenty of identifying information. Someone who ran across a number of my posts would likely know who I am, therefore, I did go anonymous once when I posted about an uncomfortable situation. I know some bees have been a lot more careful about remaining truly anonymous so they might not be as likely to create a new screen name to create a difficult post.
Post # 8
My guess would be because of the users that look up past posts to say something snarky or judgey
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2019 - Southampton, UK
Because their real profile may identify them to people in their real lives, and they don’t want what they are posting about anonymously to be found by anyone in their real life.
Post # 10
I have seen someone’s wedding photos on here, right after they popped up on my Facebook! A guy I went to school with, his brother’s new wife is on here! If she had posted anything super personal I would know exactly who she is talking about!
And the Everest bee whose photos went somewhat viral, that as completely identified her. If anyone looks those photos up, they can find her full name and location, and all her WB posts.
People go anon for privacy reasons. Heck no to asking for help about a personal situation and having someone you know read all about it!
Post # 11
All of the above. It’s also pretty easy to click on someone’s username and see every thread they’ve ever created and commented on, so that’s more incentive to create a separate throwaway account. Really wish Weddingbee had a feature that would allow you to hide these from public view after a certain amount of time.
Post # 12
many good points, but another factor is that anyone can read what is posted here. You don’t even have to be a member. If I was going to post something about a difficult sitatuaion involving a family member I wouldn’t want to go anything but anon. Granted I haven’t posted anon yet, but that’s how I would do it in said situations.
Post # 13
I think part of is is because sometimes when drama happens here bees tend to look through eachother’s old posts and throw things in eachothers faces. Like “your husband did this or that, so who are YOU to critisize my husband” or stuff like that. I think sometimes you just want the advice without becoming know as the bee with the “weird issue”. For me, I tend to be pretty open when it comes to health related issues, even if they are embarassing, but if I ever wanted advice relating to issues with family members I would prefer to go anon just incase it ended up hurting someones feeling somewhere in the future.
Post # 14
sillysarah84 : the reason is the “power users” is mean girls.
When a person has a struggle, they reach out for compassion. Even if they say they ask for advice, what they truly ask is compassion. But a “mean girl” does not listen for this, she is busy thinking to give what her opinion is.
I am afraid some time to ask a question. My english is not too good. I must take forever to make a post and check that it is clear and long and explains every thing. If I leave any item out from it justifying why I feel it will not go well for me. But even if my english is perfect, I will still be afraid. You must not say the wrong turn of phrase or the mean girl will pounce on you.
So, if ever I feel a guilt on something … or, if my reationship is not praiseworthy in some aspect, I know I will not ask for compassion as Mrsnyctola. It is too chancey, because I will like to continue on posting in the community without having a label as “fugly slut” like by regina George, only because I do not explain myself well.
I think it is good if anyone reads this, says to themself, “am I a mean girl” of this community?”
Post # 15
sillysarah84 : I’m one of the ones that would go anon just because I want to keep most of my regular account posts light and not personal. I don’t post often but eventually some users do develop their own clear personalities so you kind of “get to know them” and look forward to their advice or posts. If one of those bees posted something very difficult, controversial, or weird it could tarnish the way people view their future comments. Not to mention that like other PPs said, sometimes Bees will look through your post history to discount something that you said more recently. And we all know that one line of bad wording can throw off everyone’s perception on the internet, so with sensitive topics it is better not to take that risk.
Years ago I had a different account and posted something difficult without going anon. What I was trying to explain went totally misunderstood (no, I’m not one of those people that look for advice and freak out when they just wanted to be validated- it was literally just misunderstood and trying to explain my way out of it made it worse). I decided it would be better to just delete my account and start fresh, using Anon if necessary.