(Closed) Why do bees rant about and then defend their SOs?

posted 6 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 3
10573 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

Sometimes people just need to vent but it’s a little different when you see someone else critizing their SO.

Post # 4
3947 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Yah, that really bothers me too. 

Post # 5
28 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

lol It’s hard to figure men out sometimes! We want to tell what they did wrong but sometimes really don’t want to hear what other bees think if its Neg. Men aren’t really as deep as us ladies…Or most of them aren’t. So most of the time we are over thinking anyway! 


Post # 6
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Usually the complaint is in the heat of the moment. Once calm and rational, you remember that you actually love that butthead and get offended because only you are allowed to be mad at him lol

Post # 7
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

I am not sure either. Sometimes I have to really bite my tongue.

I have realized I am a bit of an anomaly, but I really don’t ever feel a need to vent/complain about my husband or to ask for help deciphering what he is doing. If there is an issue, I talk to him about it. If I am not sure what he meant, I ask him about it. Easy peasy. But really, the majority of the time I don’t even have anything to complain about! So, much of the time when I see these threads I just want to say “none of us are mindreaders so why don’t you ask him!”. Ha ha.

I think sometimes people just want support in the form of some consolation (they want to hear what they want to hear) rather than support in the form of honesty…so as soon as someone hits too close to what may be some painful truth they react by pushing back.


Post # 8
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@DDG84:  Yup. I love my butthead… Lol!

But I do think it’s important to be calm and rational and to have thought something through before you decide to post it online. Posting stuff in the heat of the moment?

Post # 10
7735 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It depends. Sometimes for something quite minor, some feedback comes back which guesses the situation wrong. I once (not here) had some very harsh judgement posted because I didn’t give the full back story. So I posted a bit about defending my situation, but ended up dropping it because I didn’t want to air all my (slightly) dirty laundry.

If on the other hand what is being described as some sort of cheating or abuse, then the feedback will be strong, perhaps stuff the poster hasn’t heard before. And then the defence is partly a way of processing it.

Bottom line is if you don’t like it, leave the thread.

Post # 11
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@DDG84:  Hahaha, you love that butthead.


I think part of it is definitely that if you are venting you’ve portrayed your SO / Fiance in a very negative and generally exaggerated or at least one sided way, so when other bees tell you to dump him (haha this is all I see on these posts) then you feel the need to jump to his defence without admitting you actually blew it out of proportion.


I’m not actually speaking from experience, but I know it is something I’d do 🙂

Post # 13
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think it’s a combination of things one, sometimes people on the bee get on thread see one thing that a couple can work through and overreact, second  in the heat of the moment people write all the negative things about thier so without giving the whole story or a full picture of them then we all have a negtative view of so when that further from the truth.

I also think it happens in real life, when people complain and complain and bring up all the horrible/ bad aspects of their mates without providing a balence or saying anythign when they are happy in a good place. Then the family and friends end up disliking their partner because they only ever heard bad things about them.

Post # 14
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I don’t know. Maybe if people slowed down before a rant and didn’t make their SO seem like a horrible controlling asshole, they wouldn’t need to jump in and clarify.

Honestly a lot of the time when I’m reading the ETA it reads like the typical abused woman “No, he really does love me, that’s just his way!”

Post # 15
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’ve read many of these type of threads and commented on one recently. I believe when the OP reads the responces and it’s not exactly what they want to hear they go into defence mode. I never will understand how a grown woman who’s in a relationship will turn to internet strangers to get help “decoding” his words or “What does this mean”… Uh, why don’t you ask HIM!!!

Let us help with trying to decide between 2 wedding dresses or choosing centerpieces but not trying to play mind reader with your SO.

Post # 16
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@RayKay: &  @Ill Be Mrs B: I totally agree. Don’t seek counsel then get upset about it. It’s ridiculous. How can strangers know more anout your realtionship than the two people in it? 

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