Post # 1
I have been on WB for a little while now and I love this community so much however, I often hear many brides doing things just because its tradional and I often wonder why? Why do “we” feel that we are supposed to take our husband’s name without questions or hesitation, or MADE to wait for him to propose, or do any of the other things just because…… does it make you less of his wife if you dont have his last name? Is your wedding less important if there isn’t a grand proposal? So I guess my real question is why is tradition important to you? Is it because of others opinion?
Post # 3
I think a lot of women just like those traditions. It might be partially because it’s the way things are “meant” to go, and partially because they’re just traditional people.
Personally, I am just a traditional person.
Post # 4
I think in some cases it’s maybe because it’s what family has done and it’s mean something special to the bride and groom. Or it is a religious thing.
Although I just recently asked my fiance if he would be okay doing a first look and his response was “No, I want to first see you when you walk down the aisle, I’m a traditional guy”. Too bad he’s covered in tattoos and wants to wear a skull lapel pin. Not sure how he thinks he’s traditional but whatever.
Post # 5
I’ve always been a rebel so I say the hell with traditions, unless it’s a tradition that you just happen to like. Our wedding ceremony is a handfasting. There is no flower girl or ring bearer. No father/daughter or mother/son dance. Most traditions just do not fit who we are so why pretend to be someone you’re not? Your wedding should be about you as a couple and both of your individualities.
Post # 6
That’s what I grew up seeing as the *norm* and knew that’s what I wanted. I’m a traditional person in most aspects and I like to stick to traditions for the most part.
Post # 7
I’m going to say I am more of the offbeat bride. Fiance is the one who is strictly traditional. Some people may not have an as open mind as me, that’s how I feel about my family but since this is the FIRST wedding on my mother’s side of the family, they are FIRM on it being traditional so some other brides may be in that boat. I understand it’s my wedding but I’m the type of person who knows when to choose their battles. I let them have that. BUT my touches are my choosing of music everywhere, my blush wedding dress, my sand ceremony, my outdoor wedding, my photo booth and some other things. I want to have my husband’s name. I never really cared too much for my last name anyway and I want Fiance and I to have the same last name as well as our children because it can get very confusing to others when they call (teachers, etc). Also, I picked out my wedding ring. I don’t feel that makes me any less engaged. I am a very picky person. Fiance is not into all that stuff and he wants me to be happy so he let me choose. The proposal was a surprise. And at least I know I will NEVER have ring regret like some brides do. Overall, people do what works for them.
Post # 8
Traditions connect people to their communities and the larger culture.
Post # 9
I tend to be traditional in many other areas of my life (I prefer to take on traditional “female” gender roles just by preference- not because I expect other women to enjoy the things I do), so it made sense that I preferred tradional aspects of marriage such as my husband proposing, taking his last name, etc. I don’t really care what other people do, each relationship is different. In my relationship, my husband is the provider, and he was very proud to pay for the ring himself & propose to me.
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
For me, tradition is important because it’s part of my identity– part of my family’s culture. Obviously some traditions are very widely practiced, but that’s ok, because they’re important to each person for different reasons.
For example, it’s “traditional” for the man to ask a father’s blessing before asking for a woman’s hand in marriage. This is a tradition that isn’t always followed these days, and is falling out of style. But for me especially– this was a very important tradition because my family is the most important thing in the world to me and I am incredibly close to them. I could never imagine spending the rest of my life with someone if my family didn’t fully support my decision, especailly since my dad passed away about 2 weeks after I met the man who will become my husband next month. So, for me it was important that he have my family blessing before he asked me to marry him.
But, similarly– my family is tied to my name– a rather unique name, that came from my father. It too is a part of my identity, and also very important to me. Therefore, I am NOT following the tradition of taking my husband’s name and loosing mine because I can’t stand to let go of that part of my identity, so, instead I will be adding to my identity with his name.
Post # 11
@ Birdiee106: haha…. too funny. I get the religious point of things (to an extent) but what happened to just doing what’s best for you and your husband?
Your wedding should be about you as a couple and both of your individualities”. Exactly !!!!
Post # 12
For the proposal tradition – here is my take on it. Since it IS tradition in modern American society that the man proposes to the woman in a hetero relationship, my feeling was that when my Boyfriend or Best Friend wanted to be engaged, he would propose. If he hadn’t proposed yet, that was a sign to me that he didn’t want to be engaged yet.
As for the last name, maybe it’s my group of friends and colleagues, but I really don’t think that most people feel that they HAVE to take their husband’s last name. I know people who have kept their maiden names, where both spouses have taken hyphenated names, and where the couple has chosen a completely new name. I think the brides who take their husbands’ name do it because it feels right to them – to become a family unit – and not necessarily because it is “tradition.”
Personally, I am taking my FI’s name because I have no real attachment to my last name (it is my dad’s adopted dad’s adopted dad’s last name, so is not a part of my ‘heritage’ so to speak). In fact, if I kept my name, it would probably be just because I’ve already had it for 28 years and it’s easier, which is more along the “for the sake of tradition” line of thinking. I like the idea of my husband and I having the same last name- for me it is an important signifier tha we have chosen to become a family together. We could pick a new last name I suppose or combine ours, but we both like his and he feels very attached to it, so why not?
Post # 13
For me personally, I think that the hyphenated name idea stems from feminism and women trying to gain power. Which is awesome, and I thank all feminists who came before me to bring my status as a woman to where it is. That being said, I feel secure enough in my equality to want to take my future husband’s name, to unite us as a family in love and in name.
As for ‘waiting’ for proposals, I think that if you consider yourself engaged or are actively planning a wedding – you’re engaged, ring or no ring.
Post # 14
It’s often easier to do things the tradional way because you won’t get as much criticism/confusion from other people.
Post # 15
@soon2bnixon: If you’re religious then doing the traditional religious things IS for you and your soon to be husband.
We are going to have a lot of ‘non-traditional’ things at our wedding but there are a couple things that are important to us.
Post # 16
@MabelleBliss: Or maybe some people actually do it because they *prefer* tradition & it reflects their relationship better? Honestly, I find this comment kind of insulting.