(Closed) Why do brides stick with the traditional way of things?

posted 9 years ago in Traditions
Post # 33
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

when my fiancee and I started planning our wedding, it was really important to us to create an event authentic to us. however, many people assumed (or hoped) that we would be having a really eccentric, non-traditional wedding. In fact, our wedding will have lots of traditional elements, but the ones that are important to us and reflect who we are.

for example, when our officiant learned that we were having a secular handfasting, she gave us a non-religious draft of the ceremony script. however, upon revising, I realized that at no point did we say “I do”. maybe it will seem silly, but I really wanted that moment! so we changed it up from the traditional, where the couple is answering the question from the minister or officiant, and we are asking each other in our vows if we accept, and we will reply “I do” to each other. in this way I still get to have the moment, but we’ve altered to be unique to us.

authenticity is more important to me than tradition, but a lot of wedding customs and traditions I find very sweet, so I wanted to include them (like pre-wedding parties, and having bridesmaids, flower girls, and a dance with my Dad). 

I’m probably in the minority here, but I’ve actually felt way more pressure from people to be non-traditional, and feeling criticized when we chose to follow tradition!

Post # 34
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think many brides simply go along with traditions because they feel like they “have” to or they’ll be hounded, looked down upon (and from all the uproar about etiquette even here on the bee, they probably will), etc. I know this isn’t the case for everyone, but it seems to be the main reason behind why most of the brides I’ve personally known have followed these (and almost all) traditions. DH and I did many untraditional things, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. We did follow some traditions, but not because they were traditions; we did these things because they were right for us/made us happy. I don’t think anything should be done just because it’s tradition, but I also don’t think anything should be avoided just because it’s a tradition. 

Post # 35
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It all depends on the person.  Sometimes it’s blindly following tradition, sometimes it’s liking the history behind it, sometimes a person is old-fashioned, sometimes it’s just coincidence that a person likes things the traditional way.

For my part:  I am not taking my husband’s name without question.  I’m taking it because it means something to me.  I wouldn’t be less of a wife if I didn’t take his name, but I want us to both have the same last name as our future children.

I waited for him to propose because Fiance and I discussed it, and he very much wanted to be the one to propose to me.  We discussed our “timeline,” and we were on the same page, so it worked.  And frankly, I wanted to be proposed to.  I wanted that moment in my life, I wanted to tell the story from the perspective of the person being asked, not the perspective of the person doing the asking.

Some traditions are important to me – like the above.  Others I don’t care one way or the other.  Bouquet toss?  I was indifferent, and it just didn’t fit the style of wedding we are having, so we’re skipping it.  Same with the garter toss.  Had it fit our wedding, we would have done them, but ultimately we didn’t really care.

Then there are traditions I actively didn’t want.  No unity candle at my religious ceremony; they don’t fit our personalities, our mindset, and I just don’t care for them.

We didn’t do/aren’t doing anything just because it’s a tradition, nor will we seek to avoid traditions.  We’re simply doing what fits our personalities and desires best, and in many cases it happens to also be traditional.

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