(Closed) Why do couples not send thank you cards/emails? Rant.

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
1325 posts
Bumble bee

We’re getting married on a Friday and I’m ordering our (personalised) thank you cards on the Saturday with 2-day delivery so we will receive them by the Monday/Tuesday and hand write them that evening for anyone who gave a gift. We’re flying out for our honeymoon on the Thursday and I’d feel just awful not thanking people who had given us a honeymoon registry gift before we went and used it. 

The people who just attended though… I’ll thank anyone who “contributed or helped” with the day, and anyone who had to travel a long way… but the rest of them I will probably just thank in person because I see them all often enough and will probably see them before I even go on holiday! 

Post # 18
Member
9583 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

because people are rude and lazy and dont prioritize it because their mama didnt teach them better!

Post # 19
Member
262 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
EllyAnne:  I know they make sense and are important to a lot of people, and I mean no offense or disrespect to anyone who feels that way. They’re just one of those things I just don’t get. As I said, I’ll do them anyway if they are important to other people, because that is enough of a reason, but for myself personally, I find them baffling.

Post # 20
Member
2663 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

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EllyAnne:  You just made me wonder if we’ll get a card for the gift we gave at a wedding about six weeks ago, we’ll see! They only had fifty guests most of whom were couples so that’s not many to write. There was a FB thanks to those who attended a couple of days afterwards and I said to Darling Husband ‘I hope they don’t think that will suffice!’. I don’t even have an account. We got our thank you cards out within a fortnight I think, I didn’t want to forget to impress upon them what a lovely day we had thanks to them.

I cannot fathom why you wouldn’t write a thank you…

Post # 21
Member
2804 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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mrsfiddlesticks:  ouch! 250? My hand hurts just thinking about that!!!

I’m huge on sending thank you’s, but then again, so are most people in my circle, as that is how we were raised.

Post # 22
Member
1167 posts
Bumble bee

Based on some of these threads here on the Bee, this simple courtesy seems to be going away.  I am one of those that still send “care packages”, and “get well soon” baskets on hospitals, so maybe I’m in the minority now but I still remember the days when an act of love is reciprocated by another act of love and acknowledgment. 

Sure you “know” that you are thankful but for those people who cared enough to attend YOUR ceremony, a little thank you is truly a big thing.  You’ll be surprised at how many people actually smile at receiving mail (me!) with a simple thank you. 

#justsaying

Post # 23
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee

My side of the family takes gift giving and thank you note writing very seriously.  I actually really appreciate it about them.

My DHs side does not send thank yous or gifts.  Every year his mom says, well now you’re X years old so no more birthdays…like it’s a funny thing to say. 

Post # 24
Member
1311 posts
Bumble bee

That’s disgusting if someone doesn’t thank you!!! I feel like people have no manners these days, and it’s really sad.

I’m only 25 but growing up my dad made me write a thank-you note for EVERYTHING. I hated it because no one else I knew was forced to write them lol. But I’m so glad my dad made me do that now 😊

Post # 25
Member
833 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

That is sooo rude!! I had over 200 people at my wedding and made sure I hand wrote every thank you! I think it’s inexcusable not to send thank yous!

Post # 26
Member
9583 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

It was ingrained in me since childhood. 🙂 (my mom found my thank you notes and letters in my gmas things after she passed.

Post # 27
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m horrible with thank you cards- my Future Mother-In-Law gave me a beautiful new set of flatwear when we (finally) announced we were engaged- so beginning of August- I still haven’t sent one.

 

nothing personal- I just haven’t had a chance to go out of my way to do it. I thanked her in person- and I feel guilty for not sending one- but I’m a busy ass person.  I have to agree with Soph though- I never give gifts expecting cards- and I am never annoyed when I don’t get a card- I gave the gift – the person (hopefully) enjoyed it- win win. 

Post # 28
Member
698 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Darling Husband and I did thank you notes (aka I did them and he signed them and closed the envelope) for the jack and jill we had, as well as the wedding.  We felt it was proper and his family is very conservative.  If we had not done thank you notes then it would have went down HORRIBLY in his family.  Mine care less, but almost everyone had to travel about a half hour to our venue and I felt that they were appropriate.  My sister hasn’t sent thank you cards and doesn’t plan to – and her wedding was just under a year ago.  It made me sad to think about how many people were really generous at her wedding and how little she really appreciated it. 🙁

Post # 29
Member
2011 posts
Buzzing bee

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JoRocka: You could have written a quick thank you note in the time it took you to type that. Nobody expects fancy stationary. Just get an unwritten on piece of paper or even a postcard, write “Thank you very much for the beautiful flatware, it will come in very handy when we have guests over for dinner. Hopefully you can come over for a meal sometime soon, so we can use it all for the first time together”, slap a stamp on it and be on your way. Just saying.

Post # 30
Member
2011 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
EllyAnne: It might have to do with their background too. In my culture, nobody does thank you notes. It would actually be considered kind of rude. The theory is if you want to contact someone then you can make the effort to speak to them in person or over the phone and have a full conversation instead. I myself prefer notes in the mail because I think that shows more effort than a phone call. Up until I started reading about weddings in the Western world, I never even knew thank you notes were a thing. We of course will say thank you but thank you notes are not the norm so back then I never received one nor even knew to expect one. I’ve only ever received one since then.

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