(Closed) Why do couples not send thank you cards/emails? Rant.

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 31
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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MrsBuesleBee:  Does that say, ‘They are both very real’?? HAHAH. Thats awesome.

Post # 32
Member
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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Sukii:  I am a child- I have NO paper worth sending.   I actually need to go GET stationary of any sort.  It also takes me about 2 weeks to put shit in the mail. 

 

And the post box is literally on the corner of my street.  #awful not even trying to dance around it.

 

which- wildly amusing- I’m really big on snail mail LETTERS. But- again those also take me several weeks to send. (months to write- weeks to pack up and send)

Post # 33
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I grew up writing thank you cards and/or emails. I sometimes just give people a call to say thanks. Maybe because my mother is Asian and gift giving/receiving is A BIG DEAL. My fiance’s family doesn’t really do the whole thank you cards thing but I know that they’ll call someone to say thank you if they know they won’t see them for a while. Usually they wait to see someone in person to thank them.

Personally, I’ve never received a thank you cards or call from anyone and I just assumed that doing so was something only older people did now. I’ve noticed that people do think that thanking people via social media is appropriate now these days. Some people don’t even send out formal invitations anymore. They just set up a Facebook event page and expect people to RSVP and everything! Even if I RSVP through Facebook I always call or write just because that’s what I do. Either way I don’t judge. To each his own.

Post # 34
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

My husband and I gave his cousin and best friend a large amount of money as a gift for their wedding plus a beautiful card. We NEVER got a thank you. The bride admitted two years later that her thank you to guests was her reception and she wasn’t going to waste her time writing them out. When it came time to our wedding we found it a bit rude that they came to our reception and “forgot” a card and gave no gift at all. Some people just don’t care as much as others do about etiquette.

Post # 35
Member
527 posts
Busy bee

I don’t think it’s appropriate to not send an actual card. Okay, I guess in some extreme circumstances I could see someone having budget issues, but come on, factor postage into your planning. You need to thank people!!

I’ve been the recipient of the non-existent thank you too. It’s been over a year and no thank yous. 

Post # 36
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee

Ours will go out 4-6 weeks after the wedding. We’ve just made the outside cards and the inserts have just arrived from photographer. 

 

Weve  r found its been a mixed bag with getting them. I don’t worry too much- but I’m quite forgetful. Darling Husband gets quite fed up by it and thinks it’s awful. 

Post # 38
Hostess
9126 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

It really makes me angry when people don’t send a thank you card. I get it takes time, so I don’t mind there being a little delay, but to not send one at all is bang out of order.

 

Post # 39
Member
9583 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

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imanibee:  hahah yes! It was a Pearl pendant with the teensiest diamond chip on top and I was SO EXCITED. Im sure my aunty got a good lol from that. 

Post # 40
Member
211 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

This bugs me a bit, too.  I often think about how much it really matters that we show it when we appreciate one another – I have a boss at work who has, a couple of times, taken all of five seconds to shoot me a quick email just saying thanks for taking care of something or other and that she appreciated it.  It’s small, it didn’t take much time or thought, but it really makes my day, and makes me want to be an even better employee knowing that what I do matters to someone.

In the same way, I try to let people know when I appreciate something they have done.  Heck, I just sent my vet a thank you card for putting my cat down… I’d never been to this vet before but my little girl was suffering, and even though they were busy, she fit us in and took the time to show some compassion.  It was the worst day of my life and she did everything in her power to make it less painful, and that meant the world to me.

Weddings are often big events with tons of people coming together and having any number of different parts in it.  All these hands help you along the way; why would you not make it a priority to show appreciation?  I tucked a thank you note into our bartender’s deposit because she helped me get some ideas for caterers and officiates, and it was such a pleasant surprise to her that she posted about it on Facebook.  Writing thank you cards can be time consuming, awkward, tiresome, expensive, etc. but in my opinion, it is a necessary piece of etiquette!

Post # 41
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee

To be honest, I am not sure how people let this slip. I do not consider myself an expert on etiquette, and I am known for taking too long to reply to emails from friends, and even I had all of my thank yous out within the month. I really cannot understand people who do not thank!

I didn’t receive a thank you for one wedding, years ago, and I STILL wonder about it. Did they get my gift? Was it somehow lost? Do they think I didn’t get them anything?

By the time I realized I hadn’t received a thank you, it had been too long to ask, and they’re just casual acquaintances so I didn’t feel comfortable inquiring, but yeah, it didn’t feel nice. Please everyone, send thank yous!

Post # 42
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

There’s NEVER an excuse not to say thank you and it really worries me that some people think it’s totally acceptable not to. I always expect thank yous and I was gutted when I went I gave money to a couple who’s wedding I attended over a year ago and still haven’t received a thank you for the money I gave them. My boyfriend and I even turned up over an hour early so my boyfriend (who’s a barber) could style the groom’s hair as it was a rockabilly vintage themed day and he wanted a very specific hairstyle so I feel like we really went over and above that day but got no real thank you. Funnily enough I no longer see them (not just because of that reason but it was a contributing factor).

Post # 43
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Wow that’s awful. I’m huge on thank you’s. I often tell people thank you in person then turn around and send them a card. I’m just very thankful, I guess! My bridal shower was last Saturday and as soon as I got home I changed clothes and then wrote thank you cards. The day was fresh in my mind so the thank you’s were personal and detailed.

Post # 44
Member
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I will send emails, texts, phone calls to most. Other, more informal relationships, I will send actually cards.

Post # 45
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I don’t think of etiquette when I write thank yous, I think about the person who gave me a gift, that I am happy they took the time and thought to do it.

Nowadays everyone uses the excuse that they are too busy to do them. But people are never too busy to do what they really want to do.

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