(Closed) Why do couples not send thank you cards/emails? Rant.

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 46
Member
3875 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

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EllyAnne:  I was a bridesmaid in the weddings of my two close friends in 2013 and 2014 and never received a thank you from either of them. My friend who got married last fall got around to sending out thank yous from her June shower in October and then nobody received a thank you at all for the wedding. For me, I had my shower on a Saturday and by Sunday morning at 11:00 a.m. ALL of my thank yous were filled out and in the mailbox. Yes, it’s annoying. Yes, it was painful. Yes, my hand looked like a mishapen claw by the time I was done filling them out. But they need to be done. I know some brides wait to include wedding photographs or to have a more personalized wedding card (with a photo of the bride and groom etc.), so I always given about a six to eight week allowance, but after that…I start to give the bride and groom a little side-eye. 

And, I’m sorry, are people really trying to defend not sending in thank yous? No one is implying the only reason anyone sends in a gift is for “acknowledgement” (seriously???), but it’s just common decency. I was raised that if you get a gift or a card, you send a damn handwritten thank you card. I am a grown woman and there would be no excuse for not sending out a thank you card when I am gifted something, no matter how “busy” I am. 

Post # 47
Member
9425 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

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MrsBuesleBee:  Just to throw in.. I never once wrote a thank you card growing up.  In fact, my mother didn’t observe MOST western niceties.. by the time I was in highschool I was mortified by some of my mom’s behaviors (… eating the top layer of a box of chocolates.. and regifting it back to the person who GAVE It to her.  I caught that one seconds before it would’ve gone down.  Omg omg omg I was so mortified and so glad I caught her.)

Anyway.  Point is.. despite that my parents were generally good people and raised me to be a generally good person who (I think) is thoughtful and cares about others’ feelings.  All i needed after that was some friends who were raised in western culture and google, and I could figure out the rest.

So what I’m saying is… even if your momma don’t raise you right… you can still not be a jerk and send a thank you card. :p

Post # 48
Member
3829 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sorry, but not sending thank you cards is so incredibly rude and it PISSES ME OFF. Also sending them past the 3 months mark is rude. There is nothing in your life keeping you so busy you cant send them and if you opened my gift or used the money i gave you a thank you is warranted. I showed up, i gave you a damn gift so i basically paid for the cost of my being there, you send me a stupid piece of paper with a HAND WRITTEN thank you. 

Anything short of that is rude.  

Post # 49
Member
7369 posts
Busy Beekeeper

People claiming to be too busy to send a thank you, sure aren’t too busy to use said gift. Just saying.

Post # 50
Member
9581 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

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amanda1988:  amen. 

Post # 51
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Anyone you didn’t send a personal thank you in writing is either forgetful, rude, or clueless. I’ve had this happen to me only once, last year with a couple I go to church with.  I gave them two gifts they didn’t acknowledge. 

I’m miffed. 

Post # 52
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’ve been addressing our thank you postcards as we receive gifts to keep from getting backlogged. 😡 We set up a honeymoon registry for our honeymoon to Tokyo and received a lot of gifts early – wedding is in October, but we started getting gifts in February!

There’s a Thank You list feature that gives me the names/addresses, which makes it super easy.  We’re going to write the thank yous on our plane ride (it’s 14 hours, so that’ll  keep us occupied LOL) and send the postcards from Japan, which is right after the wedding. 🙂 I think people will think it’s cool to get a postcard from Japan.

We also got a few gifts from our physical registry, but since we’re moving to another country after the wedding most people gave to our honeymoon registry instead.

My bridal shower is coming up in a couple weeks, but since it’s so close to the wedding and honeymoon, I’m not sure if I’ll do separate thank you cards for that from the others or just combine them into one big mass of postcards. XD

 

 

Post # 53
Member
1624 posts
Bumble bee

I think for some the attitude is that gifts and money from guests is expected, and perhaps aren’t actually grateful for something they feel they are entitled to receive. Just an observation after seeing posts on here like:

“Everyone deserves a shower”, “No one pays attention to ettiquette, it’s so outdated” and my favorite “if someone can’t afford to give enough money to cover their plate, they should not attend the wedding. “

 

Post # 54
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

To the OP – in a lot of cultures there isn’t anything like “thank you card”. There simply isn’t. In Poland, where I am from, not only no one sends them, no one has every heard about them. So if you’d been going to multi-cultural weddings I would be understanding. 

Post # 56
Member
2011 posts
Buzzing bee

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EllyAnne: My background is Turkish so that explains the lack of a thank you card but I find it really odd that she hasn’t even said thank you in person. That’s not a culture thing, that’s just a rude bride thing. Please tell me they at least went around to every table at the reception to individually thank everyone for coming. That is huge in our culture and if the bride and groom didn’t even do that then again, it’s not a culture thing, they are just sucky people. Seriously…she actually bragged about how much profit they made? So wrong.

Post # 58
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I agree. I went to one wedding a year ago, the first wedding I went to as an “adult,” who was for someone not related to me (none of my close friends are married). I didn’t get a thank you card and actually wondered about it for months after hoping she got my gift. 

Post # 59
Member
2330 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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tyene:  In neither of our cultures we have thank you cards. It is not customary and therefore it isn’t bad etiquette not to send one. 

Our way to say thank you, is to match whatever gift we were given at a guests next event (which in my husbands culture that is….. too often). We just went to our friend’s kid’s baptism and we gave them a card with the same amount they gave us for the wedding. If we gave anything less, it would be considered bad etiquette.

Not everyone follows the same rules. 🙂

 

Post # 60
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I went to a wedding where it was a destination wedding for pretty much everyone except the groom. Her family, including her (since she didn’t have citizenship yet), flew from Canada to Las Vegas, and everyone else was coming from mostly the east coast and california. We gave a gift, and never received a thank you. It’s one thing to not send a thank you for a wedding where everyone is from the town where the wedding is happening. But I spent $500 to attend the wedding, and no thank you? RUDE.

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