(Closed) Why do gifts to charity instead of bonbonierie offend people so much?

posted 6 years ago in Favors
Post # 3
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t think it’s offensive to donate to charity in lieu of doing wedding favors.  I think it’s more that donating to charity is not a gift to your guests, so it can seem odd when people say “here’s your gift – I donated to a charity that I chose.”  Why not just make a donation to charity, skip favors, and say nothing about why you are skipping favors?

Post # 4
Member
2254 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It would not bother me in the least to have a donation in lieu of a favor I will probably not take  home or use. I think people who get offended may be upset if they have a personal issue with the particular charity donated or these guests are being silly, In My Humble Opinion.

After paying for an open bar, DJ, photobooth, 9 course meal, etc, if one of my guests complained, I would say that I would regret inviting them to begin with. 

Post # 5
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t particularly care… I don’t ever miss the favour, and don’t have any major opposition to any particular charities (although some people do, and believe charitable decisions are a personal thing).

My only opposition to the idea, and it’s not like… vehemently opposed, just a little eye roll inducing… is that why do you have to TELL people you donated instead of a favour.  Why not just skip the favour, spend the money on a donation and leave your guests out of it all together?

Post # 6
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I think donating to a charity instead of favours is great and we’re thinking of doing it ourselves.

I think people may get upset if they don’t agree with the charity that has been donated to. For instance someone anti animal testing may object to a donation to a Cancer Research Charity, as their ‘gift’ for attending a wedding….. just a thought!

Post # 7
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it depends on the charity. I can’t imagine anyone being offended by donating to MS research. However, there are some charities with poor reputations, or charities that have ideologies that guests disagree with. For example, I’m a cattle rancher. If I went to a wedding and the couple says that they donated to the organization “Stop All Cattle Ranching Now” in my honor, I wouldn’t be super angry, but I wouldn’t be pleased that something I didn’t agree with was funded as my “gift”.

I think some people feel that if that’s what you want to do, just skip the gifts or favors to the guests, but there’s no reason to tell them what that money was used for. Some people feel that donations to charity are a private matter.

Personally, if I went to a wedding and the couple said, “A donation to MS research was made in your honor as your gift” or whatever, I would be touched. One because I’m not wild about guest gifts/favors, and two because a couple of good family friends have it too 🙁

Post # 8
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My fiance and I attended a wedding where the favors were actually a donation to charity for a cancer fund, the bride’s mother had passed away from cancer and we all receive small box with a note about the bride’s mother and how a donation had been made each of our names in memory of her mother..I started crying when I read it!!.. and I was not the only one, I mean what an amazing favor!! I will Always remember that favor and I still tell people about it to this day..I don’t go around telling people about the candy pretzels I one ate at a wedding ..lol (our favors are candy covered pretzels )..(-; I think its an incredible idea!! Go for it!!

Post # 9
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I don’t think it’s offensive, but if the favor was useful, I’d rather have a favor to remember the wedding by. My aunt gave everyone little frames with an insert with their names and wedding date in it. I just took the insert out and put my own picture in it. But, everytime I look at the frame, I think about her wedding. It’s a nice memo. 🙂

Post # 10
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly anyone who would be offended by a charitable donation in lieu of a favor/bonbon doesn’t belong on the guest list to begin with.

I WANT MY JORDAN ALMONDS WAAAAAAHHHHH. What is wrong with people?!

@Mrs.GreenEyes:  Good point that a personal touch explaining why the particular charity was chosen will help the guests feel connected to the charity.

Post # 11
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Who gets offended over charity???

Post # 12
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would prefer it, actually!

Post # 13
Member
1642 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@justcurious333:  THANK YOU. I had someone involved in the planning the wedding with us who was very upset at the thought of us donating money in our guests honor. I could NOT understand that.

Post # 14
Member
3121 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No way I would get offended!  I think it’s great!!

Post # 15
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Is it an Australian thing?

Post # 16
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@fishbone:  Haha, at the jordan almonds. 

For me, I don’t think it’s the actual lack of favour that’s missing, but the sometimes “holier than thou” attitude some people give off when they do it, and broadcast it to their guests.  If you really think charity is more important than “frivolous” expenses, to me it should carry through in more than just sacrificing someone else’s favour in lieu of a one time donation, and be something you’d be happy to do without the social gain of having your guests remark how thoughtful you are. 

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