(Closed) Why do Guys do this to each other?

posted 12 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

That sucks!  I don’t think your Fiance should just suck it up and go if this is what they’re planning on doing, but it sound slike he already tried to talk to his Bridesmaid or Best Man about it and was competely blown off!  Maybe he should talk to some of the other groomsmen about it?  They might be more understanding and help turn the tides so he can have the kind of bachelor party HE wants.  It is for him!  If they want to go to strip clubs and go binge drinking, they shouldn’t be using his bachelor party as an excuse to do so.

Post # 4
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh boy.  Well, my Fiance is the same as yours.  He doesn’t want the whole man party thing.  We’ve actually talked about having a combined bachelor/bachelorette party.  I don’t mind strip clubs, so I thought it would be fun for us to get a group together and do something like that.  Not spend the entire night there but have some laughs, get a few dances, etc.

I feel bad for your Fiance, especially after what his Bridesmaid or Best Man said.  That’s just not cool.  If the party is NOT for your Fiance (technically but not literally), then I think if I were him, I might say something.  And perhaps an email isn’t the way to go.  If he can just tell him in person that he’s not going, have fun without me…

Has he told his Bridesmaid or Best Man what he really wants to do?  It’s a shame.

Keep me posted.


Post # 5
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

What a bummer…it should be whatever your Fiance wants and he should stand up for that! Maybe he should just plan his own thing…It should be a fun time for friends to get together no matter what they end up doing. I am with you, I don’t get why guys do that to each other.

Post # 6
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

That sucks, I can’t believe his guys are being so selfish!

Hopefully he puts his foot down and he can do what HE wants to do!

Post # 7
52 posts
Worker bee

I agree with your FI’s sentiments that if the party isn’t for him and it’s really for them, then they can go party without him. His wedding should be an excuse for them to get trashed. It should be about them celebrating his bright future. Maybe he should call all his groomsmen together and really just lay it out that this isn’t what he wants and he won’t enjoy it at all and they shouldn’t be doing something that will make him unhappy when it should be a happy event.

Post # 8
442 posts
Helper bee

That’s really messed up. I agree he should get them all together and make it clear as to what he wants. I hope they will realize the error of their ways.

Post # 9
504 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Ugh, that stinks. 

My Fi told his Bridesmaid or Best Man that he didn’t want any stripper-related stuff at his and all of the guys were great about it!  He (thank God) doesn’t like them and would rather spend money on food, gambling and drinking.  They went for a nice dinner, then drank and gambled the rest of the night.  Oh, and they got him a hustler magazine, lol.

I think your Fi should threaten to not go.  It’s HIS night.  Is the Bridesmaid or Best Man old or married?  I think that sometimes the groomsmen who are old, married or feel “tied down” in some way are the ones who want to go crazy b/c they want to pretend they are still 21.

Post # 10
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Wow, that’s a messed up comment coming from his Bridesmaid or Best Man. My DH decided that he wanted to drink beer and go fishing, so his brother planned accordingly. Half way in the planning the girls were invited along and now we’ve turned it into a weekend trip and plan on going out one day as a group and then having a night of seperate parties and enjoying time with our friends. If his Bridesmaid or Best Man or Groomsmen are married or in commited relationships, they will use a bachelor party as an excuse to go out and do things that their wives/gf wouldn’t approve of…I know i’ve heard several guys say that before. Hopefully they’ll hear him out before it happens.

Post # 11
12 posts
  • Wedding: July 2008

I think it’s pretty selfish of the groomsmen to do such thing 🙁 It might be just a joke when the Bridesmaid or Best Man said “This isn’t for you, its for us!” but it’s still sounds so selfish. I think all the groomsmen int he world need to be educated that Bachelor Party is ultimately for the happiness of the Groom!

Not coming to the Bach Party would be quite bad and create more problem (for the friendship and for the wedding). Your Fiance should just talk to his groomsmen about it. If they are really a good friend, they should understand.

Post # 12
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Wow, your FI’s groomsmen are really selfish! My Fiance is the same way: strip clubs and partying like a frat boy are probably his two biggest nightmares come true for any kind of outing, especially his bachelor party. Neither of us is having a b/b’ette party because it’s just not our thing, but he had told me if his Bridesmaid or Best Man and groomsmen really wanted to throw him one, he would have wanted to go camping, to a baseball game or to a casino or brewery.

Honestly? Your Fiance should just call up his Bridesmaid or Best Man and nicely say, “I really appreciate you guys being enthusiastic about my bachelor party, but I don’t think you understand how uncomfortable this makes me. Unfortunately, if you’re serious about the party not being about me, and instead about all you, and you decide to do the strip club thing, I won’t be attending.”

Post # 13
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Guys can sometimes be like this, they see their friend slipping away and want to have one last hoorah. Are any of the other guys married or in serious relationships? I think it happens a lot that the groom is “past” this kind of stuff (or never into it!) and the others want a party the way they want it.

It looks like you’ve gotten some good advice for a potential compromise, just be supportive and help your Fiance decide how best to handle things with his friends without giving in or ditching them when they’re trying to throw him a party.

Post # 14
33 posts
  • Wedding: May 2010

My fiance mentioned to me once that often the bachelor party is more about the guys attending and what they want to do… and less about the guy getting married.. I never thought about it that way but I guess it sort of makes sense… it gives the other men a chance to cut loose and a valid excuse to do it… “We have to make sure to give “insert name here” one last big wild party…”

If I were your Fiance I would try one last time to talk to the best man about the bachelor party not being his thing… make it very clear that he won’t show up if things don’t change…

If the best man doesn’t agree to change things… I simply wouldn’t show up…

(Of course they still might spring a stripper on him… you never know…)

Post # 16
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Well, it may be a chance for your Fiance to hang out with his guy friends for the last time as a single guy, but if he’s not comfortable with that stuff, he should probably refuse to go if all that is going to be involved. My Fiance told his groomsmen that he didn’t want anything drinking/sexual focused stuff, and gave them some ideas of what he’d enjoy doing with them. Thankfully they respected that. I can’t imagine the groomsmen being so selfish!

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