(Closed) Why do guys make things worse by lying?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

Because he probably thought if he told you the truth you’d be upset. If he lies, there’s always the chance you won’t find out and the inevitable fight is averted. If he tells the truth, he expects you to be upset. So he took his chances. 

In short, guys lie for the same reason women do. 

Post # 4
Member
427 posts
Helper bee

He most likely hides it because he doesn’t want to make you upset, or think of him any differently. I was just thinking about why people lie in general, and that is what I came up with. Usually, it is to protect the other person in some way, or to avoid any conflict. I wish people would realize that telling the truth in the first place is much easier than telling a lie, and having the other person find out. Because not only will they be upset about what you lied about, they will be upset about the fact that you lied, period.

Post # 5
Member
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@SeaSalt:  +1. 

Post # 6
Member
1555 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I had an ex-boyfriend that always lied to me about watching porn. Looking back, I think he did it to keep me from feeling inferior, etc. It always bothered me that he looked at it. I doubt he is trying to hurt your feelings or anything like that, so I wouldn’t take it personally.

Post # 7
Member
8175 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

People lie to avoid the consequences of their actions or beliefs.

Sometimes the consequences are unfair, like a guy who occasionally looks at perfectly normal porn but lies because he knows (or thinks) his Girlfriend will freak out about it. He is not lying to protect her from feeling inferior, he’s lying because he doesn’t want to face the inevitable consequences. If he’s going to be truthful, either A) he continues looking at porn and has a perpetually pissed of Girlfriend, B) he has to quit looking at porn and feels frustrated and resentful, or C) he breaks up because its not healthy to be with someone who freaks out about normal stuff. He knows he doesn’t deserve A, isn’t willing to accept B, and isn’t really all that fond of C either. So he lies.

Sometimes the consequences are totally fair, like a guy who lies about cheating. Again, he doesn’t want to face the consequences. He wants to have his cake and eat it too, so he lies. 

In both cases, the liar lacks strength, integrity, and respect for the person they’re lying to. If you know what you’re doing is wrong, don’t do it. If you know what you’re doing is not wrong, own up to it. Both parties deserve to have all the facts and make their decisions accordingly. If someone is not willing to live with porn or cheating, that’s their prerogative. If someone is not willing to live without porn or cheating, that’s their prerogative too, but they need to be honest about it and accept what that means.

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