(Closed) why do guys run-freak out when we mention the M word??

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 19
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee

 

View original reply
Alaric2012:  He never guessed marriage. He did however guess (not to be crude) “penis” and my SO was like, “You have to consciously avoid that?!”

Post # 20
Member
7658 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Suggesting that ‘guys’ freak out is a pretty big generalization. I actually don’t know any guys who freaked out when their SO brought up marriages and in some cases it was the guy who brought it up.

All that being said, yes, marriage is a big deal. It’s a large commitment. Does your SO plan to get married? Does he avoid the topic? Perhaps he just isn’t ready. If it’s something you want and he never wants perhaps it’s time to end the relationship.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by .
Post # 22
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
Alaric2012: I wouldn’t say that *all* guys run from the idea of marriage, in the same way that not *all* women want marriage. I had been with my guy for less than a year when he told me he was going to marry me. My response to that was that if he ever proposed, I’d punch him in the face. Seriously. That was about 6 years ago, and we are finally discussing marriage without the fear and avoidance that I treated it with originally. Some people take longer to adjust to the thought of spending forever with another person, no matter how much being together makes them happy. 

Post # 23
Member
814 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

calling it the ‘M word’ is just ridiculous!!!! 

Post # 24
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey

My SO didn’t freak out per se but he had no desire for marriage, nor did he see the point of it, when the ‘M’ word was first mentioned. However this was only because he equated marriage with children and settling down with a house and a mortgage, and he was not ready for either of those. But neither did I. So I sat him down and explained that to him, that I was not interested in having children any time soon, or maybe even ever, and that I still had itchy feet and wanted to travel, and therefore if we were to be married this is what our marriage would look like, not conventional but ‘our’ marriage. Once I explained this to him he now is very excited about getting married and talks enthusiastically about it. 

I would not completely dismiss someone for freaking out over the idea of marriage. It is after all, a big committment and their hesitancy just reflects how seriously they take it. The reasons why they are hesistant, just find out by talking to them, you may find that it is something that could be overcome easily. 

 

Post # 25
Member
6236 posts
Bee Keeper

Unless they are a player and a very good actor to seve that purpose, in my experience, guys that want to marry you don’t freak out at the M word. 

Post # 26
Member
1146 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
Alaric2012:  I don’t think “guys” freak out when marriage is brought up, “people” who do not want to get married freak out when marriage is brought up. If you areceived truly happy the way things are then that is great! But based on this and some of your other posts, I don’t think I would exec any change possibly ever on this front. I’d only stay with him if I believe I could be happy without marriage.

Post # 27
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Not all guys. My husband brought it up early on in our relationship, and was so happy/excited to get married. I kind of get annoyed when people say “men dont like getting married or men dont ike commitment.” There are definitely men who love being in a committed and serious relatioship with the right person. 

Post # 28
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Not all guys shy away from marriage, just the ones who don’t want to get married, often because they are keeping their options open. I will admit that I don’t understand why your SO will live with you for years but won’t marry you. Frankly it seems selfish and self centered and it’s obvious that it bothers you – A LOT.

Post # 29
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think people in general are worried about the commitment and being with 1 person the rest of your life, if can be hard to envision if you’re not ready for that yet. 

I think i’m lucky that my husband was never worried about it. He pretty much gave me a 2 year timeline from the time we met. He said that you generally know within a year or two if you want to be with someone forever and if you don’t at that point, there’s not a lot of reason for moving forward. He proposed just after 2 years. 

Post # 30
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
Alaric2012:  Ive actually never had a guy run or freak out at the M word….I mean maybe if they were 19 but definitely not in my mid 20’s.

I feel like men (not boys) who would like a family in the future and to settle down and have a healthy outlook on commitment wont run away from that word.

With my Fiance, he was the one who kept bringing it up, and 3 months into the relationship too. I think had he reacted strangely, that would have been a warning sign to me that we arent on the same page and hes not up for comittment.

The topic ‘why do guys run-freak out when we mention the M word??’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors